Discussion Is there anything to be gained from suppressing or ignoring negative emotions?

[Anxieyote]

It is always a great relief to come to forums like these and not need to sugarcoat any of my feelings. Most of the time, I feel very sad, angry, and fearful. These emotions are all considered anti-social in settings like a workplace, where we will spend the majority of our lives. I can go into great detail about how much I despise my external environment, and my life as it is now.

We are always told by normies that these feelings are unhealthy and should be avoided. Every self-help meditation app I download urges me to focus my thoughts on "positive-thinking" and things I am grateful for—but that is not where my mind naturally goes based on the stimuli around me. It is far easier to respond with anger and fear. I have always seen it as self-imposed delusion, and have never succeeded in turning my thoughts around in such an unnatural way. It's like someone telling you, "I know you have no legitimate reasons to be happy, but be happy anyway."

Do you think your life would be better if you were able to attack negative thoughts like a powerful anti-virus program, or would the amount of self-delusion be too much for you to maintain?

 

[everydayiloveyou]

When normies say things like that, they don't mean to literally not think of anything negative. Mentally ill people tend to have very different thought processes stemming from or contributing to their impairment in life. For example, everyone experiences social anxiety, but people with social anxiety disorder have it to a degree that they may not work, attend school, or even go outside. Their extreme preoccupation with "negative" thoughts such as fear of embarrassment, shame, worry, or low confience lead to avoiding behaviors, which is what causes most of the distress. For others the issue might be black-and-white thinking, negativity and gloominess, paranoia, etc...

It's true that not giving in to those thoughts can help, and that's why CBT is so popular and effective. But there are definitely instances where the negative thoughts are more like logical observations about your life and circumstances. It's true that being that way can make people dislike you and your vibes. But all sorts of people can be pessimistic.

Personally I'm an optimist, I don't think not having negative thoughts would do anything for me. If you never felt fear or sadness you would seem even weirder to the normies of the world.

 

[Makko]

You can't suppress feelings selectively. If you make a habit of suppressing feelings, your ability to experience feelings in general will be suppressed.

 

[timf]

Suppressing feelings is a little like being selective in the words you choose. You don't have to remain silent all the time, but it can be to your advantage not to say whatever you think whenever you think it.

Managing feelings can be useful. For example, feeling shame for having done something wrong can help a person apologize, make restitution, and learn to do better in the future. However, after extracting everything useful from shame, one can be crippled by it if it is allowed to continue to fill one's thoughts.

On the positive side, feelings allow us to enjoy life. On the negative side, feelings can alert us to problems that need to be addressed. Like a smoke detector, feeling bad can indicate a need to fix a problem.

If feelings are consequential, then advice to "be happy" (which suggests a choice or selection) is not very helpful. What would be more helpful is the identification of what the source of the bad feelings are and what might be done to effect a change.

Suppressing bad feelings can be occasionally useful especially if you already know the source and are working on making corrections. This would be similar to taking the battery out of a smoke detector so that the annoying sound would not bother you while you are putting out the fire. However, it can be dangerous to silence an alarm.

 

[existtosuffer]

Tried this way before, but blocking it out resorted in a psychotic breakdown, which proceeded in my mental health deteriorating even more.

 

[ClownMe]

Did this, or tried to do this for a lot of my teen years, can confirm, did not help.

 

[OrcWitch]

I think there is something to be gained from actively choosing to see things "half full" instead of "half empty". Something I am learning is positive self talk. I don't see it as repression. If you live in a home with a person who insults you and tells you how hopeless you are all the time, it will drag on you. If you live with someone who does the opposite, you'll feel better for it. I see it as the same thing for the internal monologue. I am trying to stop abusing myself.

This idea is used to victim shame people like us with some self improvement crap, which I don't approve of and wouldn't do to anyone. And if you are hurting from an awful feeling it is best to acknowledge it.

 

[ven]

You cannot control your emotions, but you can control your behavior in response to your emotions. You can manage emotions without repressing them.

It's terrific you bring up the topic of meditation and I encourage you to try to engage in meditation without apps or guided audio. Meditation apps are terrific for introducing people to meditation, it's better than not meditating at all. Unfortunately, apps typically lean toward intentional meditation and not developing insight meditation. For someone like you or myself, positive intentional meditation is too far from our normal state and acts as a turn off. Positivity is an alien concept to us.

Insight meditation suggests focusing on a meditation object, most commonly the breathe. Not the literal air inhaled and exhaled, but the consistency of our physical response to the process. The sensations in the nostrils or the rise and fall of your chest. Nostrils are preferred as you mature in practice; as your breath shallows with experience, noticing sensations in the chest becomes more difficult. The key is to consistently refocus your attention toward your breath. It's harder to maintain than people generally believe as the mind likes to wander. Mind-wandering takes practice to regulate itself, but you can with practice.

What utility does insight meditation provide for people like us? You learn that emotions happen, they come and then they go. If you let them go. If you choose to focus on them, they remain and intensify (ruminating.) It's providing observable insight into you, who you are and how you feel. It demonstrates your ability to to acknowledge those feelings or thoughts for the ephemeral phenomena that they are. It helps with perspective. Meditation can become as deep as you're comfortable with and can become a surprisingly debasing experience. Above all, try not to form hardened expectations for meditation and accept it for whatever it is.

With enough practice, this could lead to positive intentional meditation if you desire and the experiential gap between negativity and becoming a positive person closes enough to feasibly implement. As of this moment, it's not possible. Positivity feels fake in ourselves and even appears fake in others. However, even if you choose not to become a positive person, that's okay too. There's nothing wrong with that contrary to society's suggestion otherwise, so try not to let that cause friction.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

You can't suppress feelings selectively. If you make a habit of suppressing feelings, your ability to experience feelings in general will be suppressed.

Yes. But that is not necessarily a bad thing. Relatively speaking. If intense feelings dictate your behavior, like in my case, suppressing them is the option with the least ammount of personal and social disturbance. If the consequence is to feel less in general, that is not only acceptable, but desireable.

This is a long process though. And it's by no means a constant. Bottling up and exploding once in a while is guaranteed.

 

[Makko]

Yes. But that is not necessarily a bad thing. Relatively speaking. If intense feelings dictate your behavior, like in my case, suppressing them is the option with the least ammount of personal and social disturbance. If the consequence is to feel less in general, that is not only acceptable, but desireable.

This is a long process though. And it's by no means a constant. Bottling up and exploding once in a while is guaranteed.

Controlling your expression of feeling through discipline is one thing and losing touch with your feelings is a different thing. Do you desire discipline or do you desire roboticism?

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I don't think there is, no. You're feeling a negative emotion for a reason, so you have to process it.

Obviously it's unhealthy to dwell but that's why you must do something. It's there for a reason, it's generally an early warning system.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Controlling your expression of feeling through discipline is one thing and losing touch with your feelings is a different thing. Do you desire discipline or do you desire roboticism?

There's no discipline like robot discipline.
...
But I wouldn't want to lose my humanity, no. If I could choose anything at all, I'd retreat in a monastery, away from all this sensory overload, in the hope that that would narrow the array and intensity of the feelings I have and slow down the racing thoughts that spark from them, or rather, reduce the traffic so I may glide through and absorb the scenery as it passes by without the danger and anticipation of colliding.
But it's not up to me. After more than a decade of being constantly bombarded by extreme emotions that I had no control of and being on the verge of losing my indipendence, my freedom, what other choice did I have but to cage the beast? I was done with psych wards and medications and being deemeed unreliable and unfit to even provide for myself.
I quit on life. I restrained myself from feeling and wanting. And at the end, it happened as you said. Everything faded a bit. And now, as a half-alive individual, I'm doing quite well. Relatively speaking.
To reiterate, this is not something that I want. Things reached a boiling point, and to keep on living, I had to quit on life. I wouldn't say I'm not in touch with my feelings. I just try to not acknowledge them, for better or for worse. I couldn't control my expression of feeling so I had to suffocate the impression of it. And this requires a tremendous ammount of discipline.

 

[motel rooms]

I quit on life. I restrained myself from feeling and wanting. And at the end, it happened as you said. Everything faded a bit. And now, as a half-alive individual, I'm doing quite well. Relatively speaking.
To reiterate, this is not something that I want. Things reached a boiling point, and to keep on living, I had to quit on life. I wouldn't say I'm not in touch with my feelings. I just try to not acknowledge them, for better or for worse. I couldn't control my expression of feeling so I had to suffocate the impression of it. And this requires a tremendous ammount of discipline.

While I was reading this, Tori Amos started singing this part of Little Earthquakes in my head:

I can't reach you
I can't reach you
Give me life
Give me pain
Give me myself again
Give me life
Give me pain
Give me myself again...

Of course, the song ends like this:

Oh, these little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces...

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

While I was reading this, Tori Amos started singing this part of Little Earthquakes in my head:

I can't reach you
I can't reach you
Give me life
Give me pain
Give me myself again
Give me life
Give me pain
Give me myself again...

Of course, the song ends like this:

Oh, these little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces...

I went on listening to the song :)

"Yellow bird flying gets shot in the wing"

"And I hate elevator music"

"We laughed in the faces of king never afraid to burn
And I hate and I hate and I hate
And I hate disintegration
Watching us wither
Black winged roses that safely changed their color"

I this this is a fully fledged personal take on the myth of Icarus. I like it very much. Spot-on suggestion.

Here's what popped into my mind when first confronted with the question of choosing between discipline and roboticism. It's by Emily Dickinson.

"From Blank to Blank —
A Threadless Way
I pushed Mechanic feet —
To stop — or perish — or advance —
Alike indifferent —

If end I gained
It ends beyond
Indefinite disclosed —
I shut my eyes — and groped as well
'Twas lighter — to be Blind —"

 

[motel rooms]

"From Blank to Blank —
A Threadless Way
I pushed Mechanic feet —

From Marilyn to Emily...

We were neurophobic and perfect
The day that we lost our souls
Maybe we weren't so human
But if we cry we will rust
And I was a hand grenade
That never stopped exploding
You were automatic and
As hollow as the "o" in God

I am never gonna be the one for you
I am never gonna save the world from you

You were my mechanical bride
You were phenobarbidoll
A manniqueen of depression
With the face of a dead star
And I was a hand grenade
That wouldn't stop exploding
You were automatic and
As hollow as the "o" in God

This isn't me, I'm not mechanical
I'm just a boy playing the Suicide King
Just playing the Suicide King...

 

[AntHydra]

I think too much positivity is toxic! Keeping everything inside will only make you burst and shatter later on. Some feelings and pains really absolutely don't get better if you just let them sit and meditate, even if they sprung from mundane non-issues. That can be hard to grasp for some people.
But there is a possible utility in suppressing your feelings sometimes: Sparing your friends. Keeping your relationships intact. Emotions running heavy and high have a very high chance of... very bad situations occuring as a result that make everything way worse and add ten more problems to your laundry list. My experience.

In conclusion: Calming down and meditating on your feelings can sometimes be good so you don't hurt others in an outburst of anger or even sadness or dread. But it can't solve the issues. You'll have to talk at some point or you'll break down and go insane for a while.

 

[motel rooms]

Keeping everything inside will only make you burst and shatter later on. Some feelings and pains really absolutely don't get better if you just let them sit and meditate, even if they sprung from mundane non-issues.

Bottle up and explode over and over
Keep the troublemaker below
Put it away and check out for the day
In for a round of overexposure
The thing Mother Nature provides
To get up and go
Bottle up and explode
Seeing stars surrounding you
Red white and blue...

You look at him like you've never known him
But I know for a fact that you have
The last time you cried
Who'd you think was inside?

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Frankly if we were able to suppress negative emotions, we wouldn't be on this forum. We would be normal. Not better, not happier, but normal. I do not believe that is something to aspire to be.

You cannot control your emotions, but you can control your behavior in response to your emotions. You can manage emotions without repressing them.

This is theoretically true but is a very, very fine line to walk along in reality. The most important thing is to not do anything stupid in response to your emotions, ie: breaking the law, hurting people's feelings, hurting yourself, etc. Past that, it becomes one huge grey area, and can very easily slip into another form of suppressing emotion.

 

[motel rooms]

This is theoretically true but is a very, very fine line to walk along in reality.

It's annoying therapy-speak, is what it is. Looks so good on paper.

Past that, it becomes one huge grey area, and can very easily slip into another form of suppressing emotion.

Exactly.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

I think too much positivity is toxic!

Too much of anything is toxic; that's what "too much" means.

"alle ding sind gifft vnnd nichts ohn gifft / allein die dosis macht das ein ding kein gifft ist vñ preparation"
-Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim (Paracelsus)

(All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; but the dose makes it clear that a thing is not a poison.)

 

[motel rooms]

Too much of anything is toxic; that's what "too much" means.

"alle ding sind gifft vnnd nichts ohn gifft / allein die dosis macht das ein ding kein gifft ist vñ preparation"
-Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim (Paracelsus)

(All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; but the dose makes it clear that a thing is not a poison.)

Only the dose makes something not a poison/permits something not to be poisonous. I can be a nitpicker too, Herr Bombastus!

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

It's annoying therapy-speak, is what it is. Looks so good on paper.

Man, you're having none of this shit huh? I always find your posts refreshing.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

Only the dose makes something not a poison/permits something not to be poisonous. I can be a nitpicker too, Herr Bombastus!

Are you objecting to the translation? "But" can also mean "only" when used as an adverb, e.g. "You are but a fool". (It's not my translation anyway, I was lazy and copied it.)

 

[motel rooms]

Man, you're having none of this shit huh? I always find your posts refreshing.

Well, it's silly that some people think we can "manage" ( = control ) our emotions. It's dangerous to believe that our little brains can control our stupid hearts full of blood.

"But" can also mean "only" when used as an adverb, e.g. "You are but a fool"

@Graf von Leiningen Subtle!
You're right, of course. I just copied the less musty & ambiguous translations.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

Subtle!

Sorry, couldn't resist. Rest assured that I'm nowhere near as annoying in real life as I am on here, or so I hope. I'm pretty sure that the online personas most of us have cultivated are a caricature of our real-life selves. They have to be, because I can't imagine someone like you existing exactly like that in real life.

 

[Makko]

Sorry, couldn't resist. Rest assured that I'm nowhere near as annoying in real life as I am on here, or so I hope. I'm pretty sure that the online personas of most of us have cultivated are a caricature of our real-life selves. They have to be, because I can't imagine someone like you existing exactly like that in real life.

I don't know how often you go to this real life place but you surely notice the amount of unapologetically caricaturesque people running around.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

I don't know how often you go to this real life place but you surely notice the amount of unapologetically caricaturesque people running around.

Could you please correct the grammatical error I've made in the post you're quoting?

 

[BottomlessPit]

Could you please correct the grammatical error I've made in the post you're quoting?

sounds like one of those text correction exercises grammar teachers always force their students to do

 

[motel rooms]

Rest assured that I'm nowhere near as annoying in real life as I am on here

That's exactly what your problem is! You've defanged yourself!

I can't imagine someone like you existing exactly like that in real life.

You'd be very unpleasantly surprised. I don't embellish my dirty anecdotes as much as people assume; I'm every bit as shameless irl as I am on here. That's what's kept me alive.

I really am a rather attractive, rather hairy 40-year-old gay top with a sizeable penis who deals with his traumas by being compulsively promiscuous, masturbating & popping Xanax. I really translate, write & ghostwrite all kinds of stupid crap for a living, including jokes for mostly lame stand-up comics. I really do occasionally penetrate old/ugly/fat/socially awkward guys for money & my bf really is a 28-year-old alcoholic hustler who dropped out of high school. Why would I make up any of that? To be adored by all the suicidal gays into fucked-up "daddies" that I will never meet?

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; but the dose makes it clear that a thing is not a poison.

So true.