First post here, so forgive if I'm going over stuff that has already been talked about. But I really need some help.
N is arguably the most peaceful suicide method. But it's virtually impossible to get ahold of. Given by some miracle you find a supplier, the cost of it is prohibitive. How am I, a minimum wage slave barely affording rent and groceries, able to afford hundreds of pounds on N?
It's also fair to say that most of us want a peaceful method. We've had so much pain already. I suffer with BPD and have for years. I'm afraid of pain and committing violence to myself, a fear of my own body, and my options are limited anyway. N seems like the only option that offers the dream of falling asleep into nothingness.
What exactly are we supposed to do? The poor who struggle with everything? I feel so completely alone and messed up, without options even in suicide. It's a dark and lonely place to be.
It really is not a fair or compassionate system by any stretch of the imagination. The price for N is now $850 for 25g, which is enough for two people, so if you found someone in the same boat who you could trust, combining funds would bring it down to $425 per person. Even that is cost-prohibitive for people living month-to-month. If you could get any sort of credit - credit card, overdraft, it would be within reach. For a budget version of N, you could probably do that for perhaps £200 per person in a shared cost scenario with a lower dose.
If you wanted to die by opioid + benzodiazepine overdose + plastic bag or similar, the cost would be £50-100, and you'd need to learn how to use the darknet. SN is not something I would choose because it's not a painkiller, but it's even cheaper. I guess the poorer you are, the more horribly you are expected to die?
I don't have a mental health team or anything, they won't give me one. They won't offer me anything other than SSRIs either, which I refuse because obviously it isn't supposed to even work, so what's the point?
I hope your mental health is doing a bit better nowadays, but since you're here, I guess it isn't.
If you haven't tried them, SSRIs are worth trying if you are at the point of posting on a suicide forum. They'll take several weeks to work, and you'll feel worse before you feel better. They're not hugely effective, but they help some people (and taking them opens the door to alternatives if they fail). The internet is full of horror stories about SSRIs, but I wish I had at least tried them when I was a teenager instead of taking the path recommended by people dismissing SSRIs entirely. I wouldn't be here if I'd been open to suggestions from a psychiatrist instead of a group of angry, confused people on forums all those years ago. It ruined my life.
What is their reason for not giving you a referral to a psychiatrist? That is completely unacceptable, and against the guidelines for mental illness. Maybe taking the SSRIs would initiate this? Sorry, I don't know your situation.
i have bpd as well sweet, feels bad haha. i understand the nhs being a total joke. they didn't want to help me until after i started inflicting GBH on myself and attempting suicide. and being under 18 lol. after that they let you go home after 5 hours in a hospital. the meds i've been on haven't helped, though if you're only considering suicide i would highly recommend quetiapine/risperidone with prozac, and try to ask to do DBT with your mental health team if you have one. the quetiapine worked for me but the cost of using it was the weight gain. you gain weight even if you aren't eating.
as for cheap suicide methods, i'm in your boat and i'm about £5 to my name - i found something a while ago with baking soda combined with citric acid/vinegar and exit bag. if i can't find SN that can be delivered to me within the week then i'll go for that method. unreliable but you can try diazepam with the exit bag, you just tell your gp you're feeling anxious and can't sleep. or go to a&e during a crisis and start screaming (i went during a psychotic episode) and then they'll just give you 3 pills to take home after they assess you.
This is good advice for the OP. I agree about the NHS being a joke, but it wasn't always. 10 years ago it was okay, it did its job reasonably well and people who needed help had at least something. I have witnessed the decline over that time, and without getting too political, the government of the last 10 years has not spent enough to maintain that basic level of care. Now people only seem to be able to get professional help when it's already too late and they're in some sort of crisis, and psychotherapy is almost non-existent due to long waiting lists. I have repeatedly asked for a therapist since my suicide attempt but been told to wait. If their staff don't help suicidal people, who the fuck do they help? People who are just doing things for attention, who wouldn't ever actually end their lives? People in psychosis? I honestly don't know what my local staff are doing. Cases should be prioritised, and the person who has waited ages but has minor anxiety is not more deserving of care than someone contemplating suicide.
The nhs is sorely struggling due to lack of money because the tory government want it privatised. If the nhs is not fit for purpose then the idea of privistation sounds easier. Its already happening it is becoming a postcode lottery service. I get this does not help you directly, but if more people are aware and join the protests that numerous staff go to, the inevitable privatisation might be prolonged a wee bit longer and healthcare will remain free.
Yeah, the most demoralising thing is it's deliberate.
