Is there any way to access a peaceful suicide on a low budget?

[anonbpdgirl]

First post here, so forgive if I'm going over stuff that has already been talked about. But I really need some help.

N is arguably the most peaceful suicide method. But it's virtually impossible to get ahold of. Given by some miracle you find a supplier, the cost of it is prohibitive. How am I, a minimum wage slave barely affording rent and groceries, able to afford hundreds of pounds on N?

It's also fair to say that most of us want a peaceful method. We've had so much pain already. I suffer with BPD and have for years. I'm afraid of pain and committing violence to myself, a fear of my own body, and my options are limited anyway. N seems like the only option that offers the dream of falling asleep into nothingness.

What exactly are we supposed to do? The poor who struggle with everything? I feel so completely alone and messed up, without options even in suicide. It's a dark and lonely place to be.

 

[AbandonedStudio]

How much is your maximum budget?

 

[anonbpdgirl]

How much is your maximum budget?

As little as possible if not nothing. I have very little money, I am deeply in my overdraft and every day it gets worse.

 

[DeathImminent]

First post here, so forgive if I'm going over stuff that has already been talked about. But I really need some help.

N is arguably the most peaceful suicide method. But it's virtually impossible to get ahold of. Given by some miracle you find a supplier, the cost of it is prohibitive. How am I, a minimum wage slave barely affording rent and groceries, able to afford hundreds of pounds on N?

It's also fair to say that most of us want a peaceful method. We've had so much pain already. I suffer with BPD and have for years. I'm afraid of pain and committing violence to myself, a fear of my own body, and my options are limited anyway. N seems like the only option that offers the dream of falling asleep into nothingness.

What exactly are we supposed to do? The poor who struggle with everything? I feel so completely alone and messed up, without options even in suicide. It's a dark and lonely place to be.

Do you take any medication for your BPD ?
Sodium Nitrite (SN) is called poor man´s N, you can get it for as low as 5 $

 

[AbandonedStudio]

As little as possible if not nothing. I have very little money, I am deeply in my overdraft and every day it gets worse.

I'm afraid there are no cheap peaceful methods. You could either save up for a more peaceful, but expensive method or try a less peaceful method such as hanging, drowning, cutting etc.
N might be the most peaceful way to go, but it's very hard to get. I would recommend sn (sodium nitrite). It's still high on the list of peacefulness and a little less expensive and easier to get. You can read more about this method in the sn megathread or look for another method that fits you.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

Do you take any medication for your BPD ?
Sodium Nitrite (SN) is called poor man´s N, you can get it for as low as 5 $

No, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to access any sort of help for it on the NHS. They seem to be reluctant. I am passed around on waiting list to waiting list and it never relents. I want to give up.

Is SN available within the UK? Is it painless?

 

[Subhuman]

The night-night method is cheap, especially if you already have a ratchet strap and you make your own bags.
Hanging / partial suspension is also cheap, all you need is a rope.
Jumping is free.
SN is relatively cheap, depending on where you live. I was able to find both SN and the meds that the method requires for pretty cheap online.
Honestly your best bet is to go through the resources megathread until you find what suits you.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

I'm afraid there are no cheap peaceful methods. You could either save up for a more peaceful, but expensive method or try a less peaceful method such as hanging, drowning, cutting etc.
N might be the most peaceful way to go, but it's very hard to get. I would recommend sn (sodium nitrite). It's still high on the list of peacefulness and a little less expensive and easier to get. You can read more about this method in the sn megathread or look for another method that fits you.

Thank you. I will look into SN.

It's very disappointing that there is nothing for those of us living in poverty.

 

[DeathImminent]

No, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to access any sort of help for it on the NHS. They seem to be reluctant. I am passed around on waiting list to waiting list and it never relents. I want to give up.

Is SN available within the UK? Is it painless?

Well that sucks, i still would try medication before ending it all, it can help trust me
yes Sn is avaible in UK you can order it almost anywhere and it is painless, some people here reported very slight headache, you will be unconscious within 12 minutes

 

[Dreamcolleger]

Thank you. I will look into SN.

It's very disappointing that there is nothing for those of us living in poverty.

Honestly with all the trouble around N at the moment there's not exactly a clear/dependable way even for us that could potentially afford it, and it's been almost 2 months now. I was going to go with N, now I'm doing SN. Most people who try it but fail it around here (found/didn't follow instructions from what I've seen) seem to be fine with using it again.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

The night-night method is cheap, especially if you already have a ratchet strap and you make your own bags.
Hanging / partial suspension is also cheap, all you need is a rope.
Jumping is free.
SN is relatively cheap, depending on where you live. I was able to find both SN and the meds that the method requires for pretty cheap online.
Honestly your best bet is to go through the resources megathread until you find what suits you.

A lot of these are quite difficult or involve commuting some sort of violence against yourself. Swallowing is just so much more passive.

I've been stalking this website for months, admittedly. Been through the megathreads many times over but for some reason I feel different, unique, unable to find anything that works or suits me and my circumstances.

 

[Stan]

First post here, so forgive if I'm going over stuff that has already been talked about. But I really need some help.

N is arguably the most peaceful suicide method. But it's virtually impossible to get ahold of. Given by some miracle you find a supplier, the cost of it is prohibitive. How am I, a minimum wage slave barely affording rent and groceries, able to afford hundreds of pounds on N?

It's also fair to say that most of us want a peaceful method. We've had so much pain already. I suffer with BPD and have for years. I'm afraid of pain and committing violence to myself, a fear of my own body, and my options are limited anyway. N seems like the only option that offers the dream of falling asleep into nothingness.

What exactly are we supposed to do? The poor who struggle with everything? I feel so completely alone and messed up, without options even in suicide. It's a dark and lonely place to be.

i am guessing you are in the UK by saying 'hundreds of pounds' today I ordered the SN for £12 and hopefully it arrives next week. The drugs they recommend for stomach acid and anti nausea you can buy over the counter and the the counter for another £12 for both. So from a cost point of view, not bad

 

[allgood]

No, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to access any sort of help for it on the NHS. They seem to be reluctant. I am passed around on waiting list to waiting list and it never relents. I want to give up.

Is SN available within the UK? Is it painless?

NHS mental care is a total joke, the only time I got to see a real psychiatrist was after weeks/months of pushing; threatening to report certain useless gatekeepers, complaining etc.

If you do stick with it and keep fighting they will eventually see you, however. Once you've at least got a diagnosis most of the care will be handled by your GP which makes things a fuckload easier.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

i am guessing you are in the UK by saying 'hundreds of pounds' today I ordered the SN for £12 and hopefully it arrives next week. The drugs they recommend for stomach acid and anti nausea you can buy over the counter and the the counter for another £12 for both. So from a cost point of view, not bad

Definitely do-able, if it works. Wouldn't want to set myself back in debt if it wouldn't be foolproof. Thank you.

NHS mental care is a total joke, the only time I got to see a real psychiatrist was after weeks/months of pushing; threatening to report certain useless gatekeepers, complaining etc.

If you do stick with it and keep fighting they will eventually see you, however. Once you've at least got a diagnosis most of the care will be handled by your GP which makes things a fuckload easier.

I've been stuck fighting since 2016. I got diagnosed in 2017 with BPD. I have had no help or treatment since then. BPD can't be handled by a GP however apparently I can't be handled by a psychiatrist as I "haven't been hospitalised" before. Well, gosh darn it NHS, forgive me if I don't get caught during my suicide attempts and taken for "help". I can't believe I have to fucking slit my wrists in an open crowd just to be taken seriously.

Honestly with all the trouble around N at the moment there's not exactly a clear/dependable way even for us that could potentially afford it, and it's been almost 2 months now. I was going to go with N, now I'm doing SN. Most people who try it but fail it around here (found/didn't follow instructions from what I've seen) seem to be fine with using it again.

Why do these people fail? Apologies, haven't seen many SN failed posts except one where it was just that they were found by someone. Really don't want to fuck up. It would ruin everything for me.

 

[calendulo]

Diazepam + Plastic bag. it is depending of the diazepam dosage. I do not know which is.
Guess there will be benzos cheaper than diazepam.
Cheaper than that........I do not see anything else............should be mechanical methods.

 

[Yaalya]

i am guessing you are in the UK by saying 'hundreds of pounds' today I ordered the SN for £12 and hopefully it arrives next week. The drugs they recommend for stomach acid and anti nausea you can buy over the counter and the the counter for another £12 for both. So from a cost point of view, not bad

wait, meto is not prescription in the UK? lol, I have to import my meto from UK and get a prescription online, which would cost me over 75 € !!

So far this is the hardest part for me, everything else I have been able to procure very cheaply and without any problems.

 

[Subhuman]

wait, meto is not prescription in the UK? lol, I have to import my meto from UK and get a prescription online, which would cost me over 75 € !!

So far this is the hardest part for me, everything else I have been able to procure very cheaply and without any problems.

I see you're in Germany. I'm from Central EU as well and I found mine on ebay. PM me for a link if you want. It was 14 GBP.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

Diazepam + Plastic bag. it is depending of the diazepam dosage. I do not know which is.
Guess there will be benzos cheaper than diazepam.
Cheaper than that........I do not see anything else............should be mechanical methods.

How do I access these in the UK?

I see you're in Germany. I'm from Central EU as well and I found mine on ebay. PM me for a link if you want. It was 14 GBP.

I'm in the UK, actually.

 

[Subhuman]

I'm in the UK, actually.

I was replying to Yaalya. I have a link for the UK as well, however a box is around 45 GBP. Feel free to PM me if you like.

 

[Aleksandra]

i have bpd as well sweet, feels bad haha. i understand the nhs being a total joke. they didn't want to help me until after i started inflicting GBH on myself and attempting suicide. and being under 18 lol. after that they let you go home after 5 hours in a hospital. the meds i've been on haven't helped, though if you're only considering suicide i would highly recommend quetiapine/risperidone with prozac, and try to ask to do DBT with your mental health team if you have one. the quetiapine worked for me but the cost of using it was the weight gain. you gain weight even if you aren't eating.

as for cheap suicide methods, i'm in your boat and i'm about £5 to my name - i found something a while ago with baking soda combined with citric acid/vinegar and exit bag. if i can't find SN that can be delivered to me within the week then i'll go for that method. unreliable but you can try diazepam with the exit bag, you just tell your gp you're feeling anxious and can't sleep. or go to a&e during a crisis and start screaming (i went during a psychotic episode) and then they'll just give you 3 pills to take home after they assess you.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm sorry that your health system is failing you miserably. It sucks.

If you've been following the threads for months, you know that sn is cheap, accessible and peaceful. Nobody is jubilant about being at a place that they want out, or risking a botch. I was feeling helpless before I settled on a method here, but honestly nobody is unique in wanting to avoid pain or a botch.

With the way pro-lifers attack and control every way out, I think it is wise to get sn before it becomes another N.

 

[Stan]

I was replying to Yaalya. I have a link for the UK as well, however a box is around 45 GBP. Feel free to PM me if you like.

if I read the data correctly, you need an anti nausea with a dopamine blocker. There is one available otc from UK high street chemists for £6.99. Feel free to pm me for name and where to buy it

 

[calendulo]

How do I access these in the UK?

I do not know how prescriptions does work in UK, but getting any kind of benzo is fairly easy. i can't sleep, to sleeping while you travel on plane, any excuse is valid.
Lorazepam is very common, if you get a prescription, price is around 3€, in pounds IDK. Valium is more expensive, I think 5 or 6 €.....

Guess using one blister with 10 pills is good enough.

 

[Yorkshire91]

if I read the data correctly, you need an anti nausea with a dopamine blocker. There is one available otc from UK high street chemists for £6.99

What's the name of it? From what I've read on other posts getting good enough antiemetics in the uk seemed to be quite difficult. This method seems to be more suitable than others I've been considering.

 

[allgood]

Definitely do-able, if it works. Wouldn't want to set myself back in debt if it wouldn't be foolproof. Thank you.

I've been stuck fighting since 2016. I got diagnosed in 2017 with BPD. I have had no help or treatment since then. BPD can't be handled by a GP however apparently I can't be handled by a psychiatrist as I "haven't been hospitalised" before. Well, gosh darn it NHS, forgive me if I don't get caught during my suicide attempts and taken for "help". I can't believe I have to fucking slit my wrists in an open crowd just to be taken seriously.

Why do these people fail? Apologies, haven't seen many SN failed posts except one where it was just that they were found by someone. Really don't want to fuck up. It would ruin everything for me.

They didn't even try treatment? That's fucking crazy, they stuck me on quetiapine and never contacted me or responded again.

 

[Stan]

This is only my research with my limited brain power and I searched UK only so brand names may not be the same in other countries.

For the anti nausea the brand name is Buccastem. Says it can be bought over the counter and found it on a very well known high street website.
For the stomach acid the brand name is Zantac and can be found in the same place

 

[Yorkshire91]

This is only my research with my limited brain power and I searched UK only so brand names may not be the same in other countries.

For the anti nausea the brand name is Buccastem. Says it can be bought over the counter and found it on a very well known high street website.
For the stomach acid the brand name is Zantac and can be found in the same place

Much appreciated will look it up

 

[anonbpdgirl]

if I read the data correctly, you need an anti nausea with a dopamine blocker. There is one available otc from UK high street chemists for £6.99. Feel free to pm me for name and where to buy it

Could you PM me? I'm new here today and not sure how things really work lol.

They didn't even try treatment? That's fucking crazy, they stuck me on quetiapine and never contacted me or responded again.

I've never even heard of that stuff. I hope things are going OK for you.

 

[allgood]

Much appreciated will look it up

Zantac is off the shelf (we sell it in my store) and buccastem will be OTC no prescription, but a pharmacist is required to ask you some questions, if that helps. Best to say you have severe migraines with nausea and that should tick the boxes on their questionnaire.

Interestingly it's a typical antipsychotic, so worth trying it out beforehand to make sure you don't get EPS though it is rare.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

i have bpd as well sweet, feels bad haha. i understand the nhs being a total joke. they didn't want to help me until after i started inflicting GBH on myself and attempting suicide. and being under 18 lol. after that they let you go home after 5 hours in a hospital. the meds i've been on haven't helped, though if you're only considering suicide i would highly recommend quetiapine/risperidone with prozac, and try to ask to do DBT with your mental health team if you have one. the quetiapine worked for me but the cost of using it was the weight gain. you gain weight even if you aren't eating.

as for cheap suicide methods, i'm in your boat and i'm about £5 to my name - i found something a while ago with baking soda combined with citric acid/vinegar and exit bag. if i can't find SN that can be delivered to me within the week then i'll go for that method. unreliable but you can try diazepam with the exit bag, you just tell your gp you're feeling anxious and can't sleep. or go to a&e during a crisis and start screaming (i went during a psychotic episode) and then they'll just give you 3 pills to take home after they assess you.

I don't have a mental health team or anything, they won't give me one. They won't offer me anything other than SSRIs either, which I refuse because obviously it isn't supposed to even work, so what's the point?

I hope your mental health is doing a bit better nowadays, but since you're here, I guess it isn't.