Is there any way out of this dire situation?

[meetapple]

I have a thought disorder and every time I leave the house is a huge effort. I have built up a self image of a persona non grata in the eyes of society. I keep having thoughts that people think are antisocial and punish me for them. People tell me that nobody can read my thoughts but the actions of people correlate so strongly with my thoughts that this can't just be a coincidence. I ruminate so much about my situation that I get very little done despite staying home most of the time.

I have been experiencing this for years and haven't found a way out. I just think is hopeless. I don't know how much to blame this on mental illness or on my tactics or something else. If it Is not mental illness then wouldn't I have found a way out of this by now? How do you stop ruminating?

 

[timf]

It can be tricky to try to correlate your impression of others impressions. It may be possible to experiment with what is called masking. This is done sometimes to make a more acceptable persona as a sort of interface in personal exchanges. If you can manage one that is constructed to be inoffensive, you might use it as a sort of experiment to see if the reaction of others change.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Damn I don't know that sounds like a tough situation.

 

[Julgran]

I have a thought disorder and every time I leave the house is a huge effort. I have built up a self image of a persona non grata in the eyes of society. I keep having thoughts that people think are antisocial and punish me for them. People tell me that nobody can read my thoughts but the actions of people correlate so strongly with my thoughts that this can't just be a coincidence. I ruminate so much about my situation that I get very little done despite staying home most of the time.

I have been experiencing this for years and haven't found a way out. I just think is hopeless. I don't know how much to blame this on mental illness or on my tactics or something else. If it Is not mental illness then wouldn't I have found a way out of this by now? How do you stop ruminating?

In case you are looking at your situation with some curiosity, you could try turning the situation around by walking up to a person whom you described, whenever this feelings occurs, and just ask them for the time, or something else rudimentary. That way, you may be able to convince your subconscious that those people have no ill intent towards you.

 

[whatevs]

I relate to this but I haven't found a solution. I'm going to a new therapist so if anything interesting comes up I will make a thread about it.

 

[Foresight]

You need to find a skilled therapist. That's the difficulty. I dont think that you can easily self correct some issues. An outside mind lifting the veil of the thoughts would be what I would assume would help. The problem is many professionals are unqualified for their title.

 

[Azagorod]

I relate a lot to the part about ruminating at home and ending up doing nothing but using up mental ressources. What I find helps me is having a number of micro-activities that I can use to reset my mindset. Essentially I feel like the problem happens when my brain "get stuck" on a mental loop about an issue I have (for you "how do I interact with other people" if I understood correctly).
Examples of micro-activities I use are : doing five (5) squats, cleaning one (1) thing in my house, watering my plants. The important part being that they are minimal amount of effort.
You can also try holding your breath under water (personally I fill my sink with cold water and immerse my face up to the ears). this works ok for anxiety due to the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diving_reflex.

As for the root of your issue, depending on how it manifests itself, going to a super crowded place like a mall at peak hour or something might help by making you realize most people are neither friendly nor unfriendly and mostly do not think much about you, let alone think ill of you.
You could also try talking with people online, what comes to my mind was the time I was part of a guild on an MMO and it was easier to interact with them by chat than with irl people though I'm not sure how generalisable this experience is.

Best of luck. ^^