I smoke Cannabis, and meditate for 3-4 hours before bed each night at the moment. For some reason I can't get into meditation without smoking weed beforehand; it induces a stoic(sic?) state of mind in me. Last night I was meditating, and realized I have been giving my personal agency over my emotions to people I don't really admire when contemplating our relationship. With that came the realization that any anger, sadness, guilt, depression, pain I feel over any human connection is only sticking around because I give permission to invest my time in a conflict. If I revoke any point of view, right or wrong, I can focus my energy on more spiritual/admirable missions in life...Unfortunately I have to meditate constantly to maintain such a state of contemplation at least right now.
I'm finding some new hope that I might be able to embrace the negative emotions, and trauma I have to deal with. It might take becoming a monk and giving up my dream of fitting into a neat box that society has laid out for us to put ourselves in, but it could prove tolerable.
I'm finding some new hope that I might be able to embrace the negative emotions, and trauma I have to deal with. It might take becoming a monk and giving up my dream of fitting into a neat box that society has laid out for us to put ourselves in, but it could prove tolerable.
