Discussion Is there a point you get yourself feeling ‘ready’ or is it just another blind jump

[buoy]

I've made the official decision to CTB. I'm trying to fixate myself on the end and set a loose date, but I feel even more in a grey area. Is there a point that you can get yourself physically ready? I could use a moment of impulsiveness, but I can't count on that. Is there anything that I can do to be more ready? I've already been making my life unlivable conditions but that just feels bad and doesn't reinforce my resolve.

 

[blackIronPrison]

Yes and no. There is a massive amount of distance between buying the gun, loading it with cartridges and then actually pulling the trigger. In my experience, I've done plenty of practice and mock runs of my method, but once you're actually there and about to die there's no way to predict how you'll act. No matter how practiced or accustomed you are to how it physically feels.

That being said, I'm more confident that I CAN ctb now, but SI is still unpredictable. My most recent attempt I freaked out at the last second even though I was certain I was ready.

My advice is, if possible, don't rush it. You have plenty of time. Depending on how you go about it a botched attempt will result in allot more misery than anyone wants. You'll be ready when you're ready and if don't find yourself ready that's completely ok.

 

[buoy]

That was really informative and I can understand what you're saying entirely. I'm fearful because I've set a date not too close but in my daily life it feels like I can't make it much longer. A weird couldron of emotions as you already know.

I guess that was just venting but I appreciate you and your response. I only wish peace and dignity to you. Thank you kindly for your insight.