Is the world we live in almost completely fucked when it comes to dating?

[noname223]

The experience sucks for everyone. For example on dating apps. Men have to swipe thousands of profiles to get a date. To finally realize it is not a good fit.
Women instead get bombarded with likes. And get sexually molested by men. There are some young men who look like models and can choose whoever they want and treat the women like garbage.

I have talked to many women in the past. And so many of them were raped, as child sexually abused and stuff they like that. I have met several women who have become lesbian due to the sexual abuse by men.

You hear such stories all the time. There are many young men who have never been in a relationship. Sadly, I am one of them and it makes me suicidal. On the other hand side I hear about so much sexually offensive behavior against women.

The world we live in sucks ass. But you should not wonder to get such takes on a fucking suicide forum. However, I think there is some truth in that statement.

 

[Contraband]

the digital age has left us crippled socially sadly. it'd be interesting to know how severe of an effect this will have on the future. personally things seem so unrecoverable at this point that i'd probably put my money on increasing devolution of morals and ethics, and potentially eventual collapses of major civilizations. when i say that, i don't mean that humanity will die, just that we will be stripped of some features and comforts of modern life.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It is, but I guess that's just more of a win for antinatalists if less people are able to get together in the world so maybe that's the bright side.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I can't speak for anyone else but personally inceldom is the main reason I'll be CTBing. Being alone and undesirable is just too boring and painful.

I know that many relationships end in misery, but that only means that you're damned either way. So ctb it is.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

From my experiences as a woman, I'd say you're pretty accurate in that assessment. The internet has not only ruined relationships in general, but made romantic relationships and the dating game way more fake, competitive, and transactional.

When it comes to straight relationships, it can be really difficult for women to understand men and vice versa. I am one of those types of women that you've mentioned, who has been sexually abused so much that it's completely broken me as a person and warped my views on sex and relationships permanently. You're also correct in the observation that certain girls become drawn more to other women because of it, idk why exactly but being with the same gender feels safer to me, even though I have had a much harder time ever getting romantic attention from another woman.

Being sexually abused so many times in adolescence and young adulthood ruined my trust in people completely. When I first met my current partner that I've been on and off with for years, I was 19 and he was 24, after our first encounter in real life he described me as having a very wounded and vulnerable demeanour. I think such traits are visible in abused women and predatory men or those who have less than pristine intentions pick up on them and take advantage of our vulnerabilities.

Sex is a huge reason why I find relationships difficult and ultimately have become very bitter about them. Several times throughout my life (and I'm sure other women can relate to this) men would befriend me under the guise of expecting me to date or have sexual contact with them, then get extremely upset when I didnt want this and never showed any interest in anything beyond a platonic friendship. Even if I stated clearly that I didn't want that sort of relationship.

I have learned that a lot of guys take sexual rejection as a huge insult to their self-esteem, and think there is something wrong with them if you won't have sex with them or find them sexually attractive. This is a mentality that I cannot relate to at all. Yet, I found that it was so incredibly pervasive and almost impossible to escape from. My self worth does not really derive from sex but rather if others respect me or not, while all my male partners told me their self worth largely stemmed from being found sexually attractive and not being "emasculated".

After a traumatic surgery involving my reproductive organs, I lost almost all interest in sex. My partner continued to pester me about it multiple times every day, even when I told him he can have sex with other people and I don't mind. I realized that a lot of my partner's love was contingent on sex. Every time I wouldn't have sex, he would become cold and annoyed with me. Even when I am exhausted and laying in bed trying to recover, he will start asking for sex.

One day I told him that to me, a serious relationship should feel like a strong familial bond almost where people love and care about each other in ways that trascend the let's go have fun and mess around attitudes of early dating. He got mad and started ranting about sex, sexual attraction, and providing value.

It was then that I realized my worth as a woman seems to ride on how much I will put out. That revelation disgusts me in so many ways. I was abused and neglected so much as a child, and everyone throughout my life told me the only way I can find someone who will care about me deeply is to have a romantic relationship since friends are unreliable. Then I've realised that I am only useful in a relationship to many guys if I can fulfill their uncontrollable desires.

My ex would drive me to quiet, deserted places in his car and tell me I wasn't allowed to go home and sleep until I had sex with him or gave him a blowjob. I endured many painful and humiliating things to satisfy him. I have learned over time that sex isn't some sacred act of love, at least not for me, but am treated like some broken messed up creature due to my low libido. My relationship with my partner has done a number on my self worth and left me with a lot of emotional damage.

Not all guys are like this of course, and I'm sure there are women out there who have the opposite problem as me, posessing a super high libido instead. It's just my personal experience, but the entire concept of dating is ruined for me now that I feel like a mere sex object. I've always been afraid I would end up with someone who forces me into unwanted sex or pregnancy because it's, "what's expected in a relationship." Knowing that many potential partners would see me as mainly a source of sexual pleasure and reproduction rather than a person grosses me out completely. For some people it seems like having a relationship to meet your specific needs is just simply off the table...

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I mean yeah, I'd say so. My first serious girlfriend dumped me after two months of moving across the world for her (we met in the early days of the internet).

My first wife became an alcoholic shortly after we tied the knot. She would stay out all night, badger me with arguments until 6 in the morning, and ultimately I never got to speak to her where she wasn't glassy-eyed and slurring. To this day she blames me for leaving and thinks I'm a bad guy.

My second wife was a great actress. She played the part of a loving partner until I came to find out she had been conducting a secret online relationship for the entire duration of our own relationship, essentially living a double life. When she left me, she ran off to that dude.

My current relationship is also a disaster. She cheated on me, crashed the car I bought her, and also "lost" the engagement ring I gave her. When I tried to leave the relationship and see what else was out there, I was met with more calamity, so then why even try to leave? Every aspect of dating and relationships has been an "out of the frying pan, into the fire" type thing.

If you're like me and only want stability, loyalty and intimacy with a loving partner, you're probably in for a bad time. I'm not saying you can't be lucky, but the odds aren't in your favor. The only way to survive it all is to become indifferent or else be the one who's doing the fucking around, I think.

 

[lomorbu]

Well, I have been in relationships before and get plenty of attention from both the same and opposite sex. There's always this disconnect though where it feels like the people pursuing me don't have the courage to say what's on their mind or get caught up in their own narratives. The truth is I could care very little about your money, your job, your looks, all the shallow things people think women should care about now. I just want to get to know you

A lot of people seem to think that they can "always do better" . The temptation has them running in circles for the next relationship. This problem started before our generation though. Marriage is always described as a transaction of gender roles. The idea of a soulmate, or true love, is the idea there is a perfect person out there for you where you can receive the life you always wanted whatever it may be. I think people because of that always expect more. They panic that they are spending their life the way they don't desire and sabotage their relationships. Very few people fall in deep authentic love because the truth is a lot of people just aren't as self aware as they think they are

If you're like me and only want stability, loyalty and intimacy with a loving partner, you're probably in for a bad time. I'm not saying you can't be lucky, but the odds aren't in your favor. The only way to survive it all is to become indifferent or else be the one who's doing the fucking around, I think

I'm sorry about what happened to you , it sounds very painful. I'm not going to tell you to keep pursuing love or change your mind. Your traumas just really resonated with me and I see the weight of your betrayals. I hope your solitude is better than your companionships

 

[biasedregret]

I think it's probably always been bad, but it's more transparently bad now.

People are extraordinarily transactional. This is probably just how humans are wired.

I've always tried to put my best foot forward in relationships, but that effort has rarely been reciprocated.

I've also noticed that people have a tendency not to be honest with their feelings. In my last relationship, there was a lot I wasn't told that I probably should have been made aware of so I could have made informed decisions.

I probably won't do it again. It's just not worth the heartache and risk.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I stumbled upon this gem of a video recently that describes the predicament perfectly .

OLD just isn't how humans are wired to develop relationships. Case in point, I'm 23F, average looking, yet have never been kissed/had a relationship/etc. Very recently I have entered a stage of (presumed) mutual attraction/interest with someone. But here's the thing: we've already known eachother for about 9 months and it's only now that things are starting to move because it takes time and--as the video highlighted--familiarity for two people to develop interest. I had actually largely discounted him as an option when we first met and he probably did the same to me.

I'm with @Contraband though in that things seem unrecoverable at this point. It's one of those "once the genie is out of the bottle..." type situations. Of course, there will be people in the future who form happy, healthy relationships--you can't stop love--but it'll just get further and further out of reach for your average person.

 

[tezw]

Definitely bro, we are more disconnected than ever before, and i reckon it is al by design, this technology has given us the abundance of choice, and with that everything becomes fleeting, and transactional, maybe it were always this way, but it feels way more prevalent nowadays, I feel when tech was less maybe people were more happy and content with there lot, certainly the picture painted by my grandparents who lived in vastly differing times to our own, people routinely ghost now too, the lowest form of cowardly, the online modern dating experience will do nothing for your wellbeing and mental state, and may make you begin to question yourself, and even if you do find somebody, they often arent who they portrayed themselves to be anyway, it rly is a shit time to be alive isnt it ??

 

[4everHeartBroken]

From my experiences as a woman, I'd say you're pretty accurate in that assessment. The internet has not only ruined relationships in general, but made romantic relationships and the dating game way more fake, competitive, and transactional.

When it comes to straight relationships, it can be really difficult for women to understand men and vice versa. I am one of those types of women that you've mentioned, who has been sexually abused so much that it's completely broken me as a person and warped my views on sex and relationships permanently. You're also correct in the observation that certain girls become drawn more to other women because of it, idk why exactly but being with the same gender feels safer to me, even though I have had a much harder time ever getting romantic attention from another woman.

Being sexually abused so many times in adolescence and young adulthood ruined my trust in people completely. When I first met my current partner that I've been on and off with for years, I was 19 and he was 24, after our first encounter in real life he described me as having a very wounded and vulnerable demeanour. I think such traits are visible in abused women and predatory men or those who have less than pristine intentions pick up on them and take advantage of our vulnerabilities.

Sex is a huge reason why I find relationships difficult and ultimately have become very bitter about them. Several times throughout my life (and I'm sure other women can relate to this) men would befriend me under the guise of expecting me to date or have sexual contact with them, then get extremely upset when I didnt want this and never showed any interest in anything beyond a platonic friendship. Even if I stated clearly that I didn't want that sort of relationship.

I have learned that a lot of guys take sexual rejection as a huge insult to their self-esteem, and think there is something wrong with them if you won't have sex with them or find them sexually attractive. This is a mentality that I cannot relate to at all. Yet, I found that it was so incredibly pervasive and almost impossible to escape from. My self worth does not really derive from sex but rather if others respect me or not, while all my male partners told me their self worth largely stemmed from being found sexually attractive and not being "emasculated".

After a traumatic surgery involving my reproductive organs, I lost almost all interest in sex. My partner continued to pester me about it multiple times every day, even when I told him he can have sex with other people and I don't mind. I realized that a lot of my partner's love was contingent on sex. Every time I wouldn't have sex, he would become cold and annoyed with me. Even when I am exhausted and laying in bed trying to recover, he will start asking for sex.

One day I told him that to me, a serious relationship should feel like a strong familial bond almost where people love and care about each other in ways that trascend the let's go have fun and mess around attitudes of early dating. He got mad and started ranting about sex, sexual attraction, and providing value.

It was then that I realized my worth as a woman seems to ride on how much I will put out. That revelation disgusts me in so many ways. I was abused and neglected so much as a child, and everyone throughout my life told me the only way I can find someone who will care about me deeply is to have a romantic relationship since friends are unreliable. Then I've realised that I am only useful in a relationship to many guys if I can fulfill their uncontrollable desires.

My ex would drive me to quiet, deserted places in his car and tell me I wasn't allowed to go home and sleep until I had sex with him or gave him a blowjob. I endured many painful and humiliating things to satisfy him. I have learned over time that sex isn't some sacred act of love, at least not for me, but am treated like some broken messed up creature due to my low libido. My relationship with my partner has done a number on my self worth and left me with a lot of emotional damage.

Not all guys are like this of course, and I'm sure there are women out there who have the opposite problem as me, posessing a super high libido instead. It's just my personal experience, but the entire concept of dating is ruined for me now that I feel like a mere sex object. I've always been afraid I would end up with someone who forces me into unwanted sex or pregnancy because it's, "what's expected in a relationship." Knowing that many potential partners would see me as mainly a source of sexual pleasure and reproduction rather than a person grosses me out completely. For some people it seems like having a relationship to meet your specific needs is just simply off the table...


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I am so sorry for your suffering.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Just seemed like an appropriate song/response

 

[AmericanMary]

I am one of those lesbians (technically poly sexual) woman who have come to this conclusion solely based on trauma for men =0

I use to love dating apps. I called them "dick on demand." Horny? Aiight, an hour later I'm in someone's bed. This was my entire young adult experience.

However. A lot of those people sucked. A lot of trauma, legal stuff, physical assault, etc.

I like dating in 2024. People talk about everything now a days. It definitely happens, but is less common for bad people to keep getting away with things.

You can still meet people out and about. You can meet people online. You can join communities based on interest you like. The amount of possibly connection is endless.

In 2024, there is less of an assumption that men are suppose to pay for everything. There is less assumption that a woman needs to go home with you on a first date. People do ask for consent more. It's far from perfect, but it's getting better.

People are asking the hard questions. What is the point of marriage? Why do I have to depend on someone else? Why does society say I have to be married and have kids at 25? Why do I even need a partner? Why do I have to be a housewife and raise kids?

I think people are starting to stray away from societal norms and focus on themselves more than how society thinks they should act. And yes, this definitely has an affect on dating. But imo, I see it as a very good & progressive thing.