Is the pain from being trans worth suicide?

[aprincessclara]

I'm a 21 year old transwoman who is transitioning medically and socially. 2 years of Estrogen has done a lot, but I still feel dissociation and dysphoria all the time, the mirror and photos still hurt me, I don't see myself, just a more feminine version of my old self. I still have hair allover my body and little breast growth, and I'm a long way off being able to afford surgeries.

I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything. I find it a struggle to shower or even get dressed some days, all I can do is sit still and do nothing. I just feel shame being in this body and being myself. I find it hard to watch TV, I just feel intense wistfulness seeing beautiful women I feel I can never look like.

The only worthwhile existence for me is a cis life. I see men and beautiful women interacting on TV and it hurts so much. I just want to be normal.

So often I compliment pretty girls who I wish I could look like while feeling like a monster that can never be cute.

It hurts so much to know I would've been beautiful and that I wouldn't even look like this if I had been born physically female. My sister is beautiful and I would've looked like her if I hadn't been disfigured by my male puberty.

I stealth pretty well but that might be because I'm living in a pro-lgbt bubble. My friends are mainly cis, who don't know i'm trans, but I'm still not fully transitioned, so things get extremely awkward when I'm around them and it's like I'm having to hide myself. I have to constantly strain my voice to try to sound female or make excuses not to go into changing rooms with them because I don't want them to find out. And it's because of dysphoria getting in the way of me seeing them we've now drifted apart :(

And it's because of this body that I'm so lonely. I've spent so much of my life trying to act a role I couldn't get out of, wearing a costume I couldn't take off, not having a female childhood, spending years and years in suppression and denial, having to watch girls go through the changes I yearned while I went through a freak show, being bullied and harassed constantly and being damaged by male socialisation where I feel unable to communicate in a female way.

I was forced to go to a religious school, so it was impossible to come out at 13 when I figured out I was trans. I feel like I should've died then and there as an act of mercy. This is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

I feel like I want to be like the girls who bullied me, I feel like I value their approval the most, I feel like I would've been friends with them if I hadn't been born a freak.

Even now though I look completely different, I feel like they've worked out who I am and are treating me like the same train wreck I was trying to conform as.

My teddy bear is still my best friend. I've talked to him ever since I was 7 and now I bring him with me allover the house kissing him and pressing him against my face all the time. I feel so pathetic, like a retarded animal that should be put out of it's misery.

I know I'm not worthless, but I'm still a lonely product of suffering.

Some days I just want to curl up and rot to death - I just wish I had never been born. I wish I could've been born as someone else, someone cis, and never have to know what it's like to be trans.

I came on here because I'm tired of my situation being sugarcoated by the cheesy delusions of creeps and losers in the trans community, or the anti-suicide rhetoric of the trans community in general, pushing the tragic life of a non-passing trans activist as being worthwhile.

I feel sometimes like there's hope, people always tell me how feminine I look and I seem to stealth even with the dysphoria my chin and forehead is causing me. Maybe if I have ffs I'll finally stop having dysphoria and feel like I look like myself.

The lack of a female childhood and female reproductive functions feels like something I can evade if I can find a man and my sister is willing to donate an egg or we adopt. I wouldn't be able to go through getting pregnant but at least I'd then be in the same boat as all the other women who can't give birth.

I've made progress but at cost of being treated like I'm diminished zoo animal that's had to jump through hoops to convince the medical establishment I am who I say I am and not Buffalo Bill.

And even though things are getting better on paper, I'm somehow feeling more and more fucking hopeless.

Seeing the real side of the coin, I would rather kill myself than detransition, but if I can't live as the woman I picture myself to look like even after extensive facial surgery, then suicide is the only option.

I literally feel praying on fairy tale land is my only hope.

 

[Escaper Boy]

You had been through a lot...

I don't think I have enough words to say to this. I wish I could chant some magical incantation to make everything better for you. Or at least ease some of your pain.

The world is not a tame place where every species can survive without struggle. Few endured. Few thrived. Few perished.

They say God doesn't roll dice. Honestly, I doubt the supreme entity even care in the first place (if they exist). What is the point of our suffering? Why are we struggling? Is that an obligation? Inescapable fate? A cruel joke from divine?

Even so, I still have a tiny believe in my heart that we still have some control over our lives. If you agree, please don't let go of that power, no matter how small that influence is compared to the grand scheme of things.

Wish you luck.

 

[Umbra]

if you want

 

[Jolene40]

Are you part of any trans community- even online? I imagine many feel this way. You sound like you really need like minded people in your life who understand.

I get the impression you just want to be a convincing female and not identifiable as trans? Ive seen so many trans programmes where the transition is quite amazing with surgical technology available today.
If you have the money to do so then focus on how you are going to achieve your goal physically? Do you have the money to undergo all the surgery you need?
Those bitchy girls sound vile. You don't want to be like them! You already are better thsn them as you have heart and probably an ability to empathise more than they ever will. Do you see a therapist/counsellor? Your self esteem is on the floor and even looking like a beautiful female won't neccessarily change this. Who do you have other than your teddy!?

In answer to your question. Is there any hope? Hope things may get better for you? Hope you can feel better? It sounds like there is to me. With a bit of hope id keep going until certain there was none. ❤

 

[lynn14]

You mentioned being jealous of women on the TV, so I'd say stop watching TV so much. I know that ads are hard to get around, but cutting down on time spent on the screen will necessarily reduce the instances of seeing such psychologically triggering things. As a biological woman who is, as the MGTOW'S say, "post-wall", I also feel jealous of pretty young women, since I wish I had better used my youth and beauty to my advantage, "I could have done better" my dad says about me. We are all jealous of the 2-5% of the population, which is young attractive women. I used to be one myself more or less (not to give myself too much credit haha. At my peak I must have been at least a solid 7 though.) but now I'm closer to being a rotting feast for maggots than to being something on the sexual market, to put it one way. As a transgender woman you really can't compete with biological women on the sexual market but I doubt that is a high priority for you unless I'm mistaken. If it were your intention to have a family you might do better to detransition and preserve whatever may be left of your fertility after 2 years (?) of estrogen. It sounds more like your identity and femininity are of upmost personal importance to yourself, and there aren't easy answers to that. I can relate to dysphoria on a tiny scale as described, but that's related to missing my youth and the opportunities I had then which I no longer have. But that is a natural part of a woman's life cycle, as well, so I accept it as well.

 

[Jolene40]

Couldnt agree more about all these women on t.v. I actually laugh now at it; how false it all is. Its a good point that Lynn makes. What exactly is it that you desire and how and why will being a beautiful female achieve that? I know it's great to be beautiful but what's it you will achieve in that?
I was obsessed about my appearance and had dysmorphia ( now i actually am no longer attractive i dont care at all!). I just want my physical health back. Anyway i really wanted to understand why this obsession ran so deep back then ( my 20's). Through counselling I realised my obsession was tied to fear of loneliness and abandonment- in my mind it was beautiful looks = plenty of choice in guys, marriage, security and family of my own forever. I realise now how simplistic and naive that really was. Beauty is a bonus and i believe life is easier if you're beautiful - but it is not the key thing in having a successful relationship at all or being accepted. Like minded people are what you need and good self esteem. ( the elusive self esteem!)
I hope you have the means to complete your transition and be content in the being you are. I imagine you are a million times better, deeper, more intelligent and self reflective than half these 'beautiful' vaccuous airheads all over the media / internet.

 

[alizee]

There's another thread on if the pain from being transgender is okay for suicide. People typically think yes but it's really up to the individual.

Seems like you also suffered religious abuse and yes I consider an ideology that keeps a person from medical treatment, "abuse" and even if it was for good intentions. That happened to me and it's a driving force with everything else for suicide and who cares what people think. It once again is up to you.

Lack of beauty is shunned throughout society in correlation of having despair. In reality it can be a valid reason for suicide and specifically when your lack of medical treatment young caused your lack of beauty. I have no way to judge if you resemble a female or not. I don't really care at the end of the day because it's personally valid and up to the individual.

Hope you decide on what's best for you either way. I'm MTF as well if it wasn't obvious already. I'm trying to get assisted death for gender dysphoria and just lack of funds has been holding me back because DIGINITAS will accept me. Should only be a few more months of working though.

 

[aprincessclara]

You mentioned being jealous of women on the TV, so I'd say stop watching TV so much. I know that ads are hard to get around, but cutting down on time spent on the screen will necessarily reduce the instances of seeing such psychologically triggering things. As a biological woman who is, as the MGTOW'S say, "post-wall", I also feel jealous of pretty young women, since I wish I had better used my youth and beauty to my advantage, "I could have done better" my dad says about me. We are all jealous of the 2-5% of the population, which is young attractive women. I used to be one myself more or less (not to give myself too much credit haha. At my peak I must have been at least a solid 7 though.) but now I'm closer to being a rotting feast for maggots than to being something on the sexual market, to put it one way. As a transgender woman you really can't compete with biological women on the sexual market but I doubt that is a high priority for you unless I'm mistaken. If it were your intention to have a family you might do better to detransition and preserve whatever may be left of your fertility after 2 years (?) of estrogen. It sounds more like your identity and femininity are of upmost personal importance to yourself, and there aren't easy answers to that. I can relate to dysphoria on a tiny scale as described, but that's related to missing my youth and the opportunities I had then which I no longer have. But that is a natural part of a woman's life cycle, as well, so I accept it as well.

Detransition to regain fertility? I said I would rather die than detransition and I would use my sister's egg or adopt a child.

I will NEVER use my sperm. If I am to give birth to a child it will only be the biologically female way. I would prefer being an adopted mother a million times over than a biological father. I wouldn't mind adopting a totally unrelated child to because I have little desire to create life in my own image.

That's my goal assuming no one magics up ovary or womb transplants for trans women anytime soon.

I have nothing against transwomen who use their sperm but it's not the 'female way' so will always be inferior for me.

I don't know what you mean by "not competing with biological women in the sexual market" if I really wanted to do that and I was surgically completely female in appearance and attractive then no one would find out as long as it was just one night stands.

But i don't want to do that. I just want a man cis or trans who loves me knowing who and what I am.

 

[Spyro]

I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything. I find it a struggle to shower or even get dressed some days, all I can do is sit still and do nothing.

It's impossible to feel well injecting E2 (and depleting of T) a body that was designed to work with T, that is wreaking havoc on it, that's basically why you feel like shit all time.

 

[aprincessclara]

Couldnt agree more about all these women on t.v. I actually laugh now at it; how false it all is. Its a good point that Lynn makes. What exactly is it that you desire and how and why will being a beautiful female achieve that? I know it's great to be beautiful but what's it you will achieve in that?
I was obsessed about my appearance and had dysmorphia ( now i actually am no longer attractive i dont care at all!). I just want my physical health back. Anyway i really wanted to understand why this obsession ran so deep back then ( my 20's). Through counselling I realised my obsession was tied to fear of loneliness and abandonment- in my mind it was beautiful looks = plenty of choice in guys, marriage, security and family of my own forever. I realise now how simplistic and naive that really was. Beauty is a bonus and i believe life is easier if you're beautiful - but it is not the key thing in having a successful relationship at all or being accepted. Like minded people are what you need and good self esteem. ( the elusive self esteem!)
I hope you have the means to complete your transition and be content in the being you are. I imagine you are a million times better, deeper, more intelligent and self reflective than half these 'beautiful' vaccuous airheads all over the media / internet.

I'm not craving to be beautiful as I am craving to be feminine. I'd choose unattractive features like a very recessed chin or a short face over looking like an attractive transwoman who doesn't pass because of strong or masculine features.

I just want to see myself. Maybe that 'myself' would likely happen to be more beautiful because of more femininity but it's not about beauty it's about dysphoria with facial masculinities.

I don't think intelligence is really an asset as far as being happy is concerned. Intelligent people tend to get depression and loneliness more easily I think. If those 'airheaded' people are happier because they're dumber then that's surely better than being an intelligent person whose miserable.

 

[alizee]

It's impossible to feel well injecting E2 (and depleting of T) a body that was designed to work with T, that is wreaking havoc on it, that's basically why you feel like shit all time.

This is nonsense that i've actually had spoken to me from a family member. Estrogen and removing T was amazing in comparison to before. The negative effects OP is listing is obvious from the standpoint of being a transgender person. You basically just end up hating life subconsciously & consciously because of the circumstance of being transgender and with everyone so ignorant to it all.

 

[aprincessclara]

It's impossible to feel well injecting E2 (and depleting of T) a body that was designed to work with T, that is wreaking havoc on it, that's basically why you feel like shit all time.

I was a fucking robot zombie shit heap on T. T was the wrong software on the right hardware. My brain was programmed to function on E in the womb and my body is a defection of that.

If I had started E at 12 I wouldn't feel like shit all the tine because the damage T has done to it wouldn't have happened.

I am living out the consequences of allowing myself to live as something I wasn't for 19 years. And until the damage is repaired I will always have days where I feel like shit.

 

[Jolene40]

I'm not craving to be beautiful as I am craving to be feminine. I'd choose unattractive features like a very recessed chin or a short face over looking like an attractive transwoman who doesn't pass because of strong or masculine features.

I just want to see myself. Maybe that 'myself' would likely happen to be more beautiful because of more femininity but it's not about beauty it's about dysphoria with facial masculinities.

I don't think intelligence is really an asset as far as being happy is concerned. Intelligent people tend to get depression and loneliness more easily I think. If those 'airheaded' people are happier because they're dumber then that's surely better than being an intelligent person whose miserable.

Yes i understand what you are saying. I hope feminisation is achievable through surgery. You make a good point about intelligence and depression. I havent been on a site with so many articulate intelligent philosophical people before as this - all suicidal though, yippee.
Most people don't want to be around the air heads. Life may be easier for them though like you say
I have my own horrid battles but i imagine it is tough when most of us don't understand the unique challenges of transgenderism ( if thats a word).

 

[RainAndSadness]

I'm sorry about your struggles. I feel very similarly. I wouldn't say transitioning was the wrong decision because I really appreciate all the results HRT gave me so far. But after doing it for almost 2 years now, I know it won't give me the desired results. I'll never pass just by doing HRT alone. I will have to spend money for facial surgery. And I don't know if I can ever afford that and I don't think swiss healthcare covers these procedures. I know transitioning is the only option. And I can only go forward, there is no going back anymore. So it's either gonna kill me or I'll get to the point where I can finally accept myself someday in the future.

 

[Gorgon]

That's something only you can decide. Are you in support group or social group on Facebook? Transgender support group or that transgender social group

 

[spanishguy22]

i hear a lot about transgender people being depressed. i feel sorry for your struggle and sorry that you have to live with bigots and stupid, ignorant humans that may have contributed to make you depressed

 

[alizee]

i hear a lot about transgender people being depressed. i feel sorry for your struggle and sorry that you have to live with bigots and stupid, ignorant humans that may have contributed to make you depressed

Depression and what transgender people go through are completely different in my opinion. Maybe I just dislike the word but I don't think all people who suffer from gender dysphoria or being transgender should share that title if suicidal because of not being born correctly with their gender identity.

I'm sorry about your struggles. I feel very similarly. I wouldn't say transitioning was the wrong decision because I really appreciate all the results HRT gave me so far. But after doing it for almost 2 years now, I know it won't give me the desired results. I'll never pass just by doing HRT alone. I will have to spend money for facial surgery. And I don't know if I can ever afford that and I don't think swiss healthcare covers these procedures. I know transitioning is the only option. And I can only go forward, there is no going back anymore. So it's either gonna kill me or I'll get to the point where I can finally accept myself someday in the future.

You might find this of interest to you:

Health insurance must cover facial feminisation surgery, court rules

For the first time in Switzerland, a court has ruled in favour of a transsexual person in a case brought against their health insurer.

www.swissinfo.ch

I'm trying to get surgery coverage in Canada before suicide myself. Apparently facial feminization has already been approved in Switzerland by a court verdict. Only last year so I'm not sure how you should approach the news and I don't know much about what it all means for trans people in Switzerland. You might want to reach out to the organization found here: https://www.epicene.ch

 

[spanishguy22]

Depression and what transgender people go through are completely different in my opinion. Maybe I just dislike the word but I don't think all people who suffer from gender dysphoria or being transgender should share that title if suicidal because of not being born correctly with their gender identity.

I get what you mean although I didnt say all are depressed, just that a lot of trans suicidal people ive read about have talked about their depression in one way or another. Of course not everyone has it.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I'm a 21 year old transwoman who is transitioning medically and socially. 2 years of Estrogen has done a lot, but I still feel dissociation and dysphoria all the time, the mirror and photos still hurt me, I don't see myself, just a more feminine version of my old self. I still have hair allover my body and little breast growth, and I'm a long way off being able to afford surgeries.

I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything. I find it a struggle to shower or even get dressed some days, all I can do is sit still and do nothing. I just feel shame being in this body and being myself. I find it hard to watch TV, I just feel intense wistfulness seeing beautiful women I feel I can never look like.

The only worthwhile existence for me is a cis life. I see men and beautiful women interacting on TV and it hurts so much. I just want to be normal.

So often I compliment pretty girls who I wish I could look like while feeling like a monster that can never be cute.

It hurts so much to know I would've been beautiful and that I wouldn't even look like this if I had been born physically female. My sister is beautiful and I would've looked like her if I hadn't been disfigured by my male puberty.

I stealth pretty well but that might be because I'm living in a pro-lgbt bubble. My friends are mainly cis, who don't know i'm trans, but I'm still not fully transitioned, so things get extremely awkward when I'm around them and it's like I'm having to hide myself. I have to constantly strain my voice to try to sound female or make excuses not to go into changing rooms with them because I don't want them to find out. And it's because of dysphoria getting in the way of me seeing them we've now drifted apart :(

And it's because of this body that I'm so lonely. I've spent so much of my life trying to act a role I couldn't get out of, wearing a costume I couldn't take off, not having a female childhood, spending years and years in suppression and denial, having to watch girls go through the changes I yearned while I went through a freak show, being bullied and harassed constantly and being damaged by male socialisation where I feel unable to communicate in a female way.

I was forced to go to a religious school, so it was impossible to come out at 13 when I figured out I was trans. I feel like I should've died then and there as an act of mercy. This is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

I feel like I want to be like the girls who bullied me, I feel like I value their approval the most, I feel like I would've been friends with them if I hadn't been born a freak.

Even now though I look completely different, I feel like they've worked out who I am and are treating me like the same train wreck I was trying to conform as.

My teddy bear is still my best friend. I've talked to him ever since I was 7 and now I bring him with me allover the house kissing him and pressing him against my face all the time. I feel so pathetic, like a retarded animal that should be put out of it's misery.

I know I'm not worthless, but I'm still a lonely product of suffering.

Some days I just want to curl up and rot to death - I just wish I had never been born. I wish I could've been born as someone else, someone cis, and never have to know what it's like to be trans.

I came on here because I'm tired of my situation being sugarcoated by the cheesy delusions of creeps and losers in the trans community, or the anti-suicide rhetoric of the trans community in general, pushing the tragic life of a non-passing trans activist as being worthwhile.

I feel sometimes like there's hope, people always tell me how feminine I look and I seem to stealth even with the dysphoria my chin and forehead is causing me. Maybe if I have ffs I'll finally stop having dysphoria and feel like I look like myself.

The lack of a female childhood and female reproductive functions feels like something I can evade if I can find a man and my sister is willing to donate an egg or we adopt. I wouldn't be able to go through getting pregnant but at least I'd then be in the same boat as all the other women who can't give birth.

I've made progress but at cost of being treated like I'm diminished zoo animal that's had to jump through hoops to convince the medical establishment I am who I say I am and not Buffalo Bill.

And even though things are getting better on paper, I'm somehow feeling more and more fucking hopeless.

Seeing the real side of the coin, I would rather kill myself than detransition, but if I can't live as the woman I picture myself to look like even after extensive facial surgery, then suicide is the only option.

I literally feel praying on fairy tale land is my only hope.

i feel the same but i'm a girl with gender dysphoria. i wish i could be a guy. my breast hurts me. i can't even watch my self at the mirror. my parents don't accept me, i don't accept my femininity and my short stature. i wanna be a beautiful man and it hurts when you know nobody can give you what you deserved from your birth. so it hurts to me getting surgeries and etc because i'll always be a shit to me and not a real man. people and even girlfriend will treat me like a girl

 

[alizee]

i feel the same but i'm a girl with gender dysphoria. i wish i could be a guy. my breast hurts me. i can't even watch my self at the mirror. my parents don't accept me, i don't accept my femininity and my short stature. i wanna be a beautiful man and it hurts when you know nobody can give you what you deserved from your birth. so it hurts to me getting surgeries and etc because i'll always be a shit to me and not a real man. people and even girlfriend will treat me like a girl

What aspects, traits and resemblance are the factors of a real man for you? I'm not trying to be insensitive by asking this question and sorry if I am. I'm just a little curious because to me not passing as a woman in society is my problem and not able to conceive as a woman. I don't know if I would be satisfied if surgeries fixed my appearance but it would be nice of an experience to know if it would be worth living in a society treating me how I identify as.

 

[FFTMGD]

Aside the bullying and the religious school... this post feels entirely to home... word for word... I keep hoping for a fairytale but I only wake up with a freah hell in an imitation fleshprison... I dont have a teddy bear, its an octopus for me.

 

[GemCami]

I'm a 21 year old transwoman who is transitioning medically and socially. 2 years of Estrogen has done a lot, but I still feel dissociation and dysphoria all the time, the mirror and photos still hurt me, I don't see myself, just a more feminine version of my old self. I still have hair allover my body and little breast growth, and I'm a long way off being able to afford surgeries.

I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything. I find it a struggle to shower or even get dressed some days, all I can do is sit still and do nothing. I just feel shame being in this body and being myself. I find it hard to watch TV, I just feel intense wistfulness seeing beautiful women I feel I can never look like.

The only worthwhile existence for me is a cis life. I see men and beautiful women interacting on TV and it hurts so much. I just want to be normal.

So often I compliment pretty girls who I wish I could look like while feeling like a monster that can never be cute.

It hurts so much to know I would've been beautiful and that I wouldn't even look like this if I had been born physically female. My sister is beautiful and I would've looked like her if I hadn't been disfigured by my male puberty.

I stealth pretty well but that might be because I'm living in a pro-lgbt bubble. My friends are mainly cis, who don't know i'm trans, but I'm still not fully transitioned, so things get extremely awkward when I'm around them and it's like I'm having to hide myself. I have to constantly strain my voice to try to sound female or make excuses not to go into changing rooms with them because I don't want them to find out. And it's because of dysphoria getting in the way of me seeing them we've now drifted apart :(

And it's because of this body that I'm so lonely. I've spent so much of my life trying to act a role I couldn't get out of, wearing a costume I couldn't take off, not having a female childhood, spending years and years in suppression and denial, having to watch girls go through the changes I yearned while I went through a freak show, being bullied and harassed constantly and being damaged by male socialisation where I feel unable to communicate in a female way.

I was forced to go to a religious school, so it was impossible to come out at 13 when I figured out I was trans. I feel like I should've died then and there as an act of mercy. This is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

I feel like I want to be like the girls who bullied me, I feel like I value their approval the most, I feel like I would've been friends with them if I hadn't been born a freak.

Even now though I look completely different, I feel like they've worked out who I am and are treating me like the same train wreck I was trying to conform as.

My teddy bear is still my best friend. I've talked to him ever since I was 7 and now I bring him with me allover the house kissing him and pressing him against my face all the time. I feel so pathetic, like a retarded animal that should be put out of it's misery.

I know I'm not worthless, but I'm still a lonely product of suffering.

Some days I just want to curl up and rot to death - I just wish I had never been born. I wish I could've been born as someone else, someone cis, and never have to know what it's like to be trans.

I came on here because I'm tired of my situation being sugarcoated by the cheesy delusions of creeps and losers in the trans community, or the anti-suicide rhetoric of the trans community in general, pushing the tragic life of a non-passing trans activist as being worthwhile.

I feel sometimes like there's hope, people always tell me how feminine I look and I seem to stealth even with the dysphoria my chin and forehead is causing me. Maybe if I have ffs I'll finally stop having dysphoria and feel like I look like myself.

The lack of a female childhood and female reproductive functions feels like something I can evade if I can find a man and my sister is willing to donate an egg or we adopt. I wouldn't be able to go through getting pregnant but at least I'd then be in the same boat as all the other women who can't give birth.

I've made progress but at cost of being treated like I'm diminished zoo animal that's had to jump through hoops to convince the medical establishment I am who I say I am and not Buffalo Bill.

And even though things are getting better on paper, I'm somehow feeling more and more fucking hopeless.

Seeing the real side of the coin, I would rather kill myself than detransition, but if I can't live as the woman I picture myself to look like even after extensive facial surgery, then suicide is the only option.

I literally feel praying on fairy tale land is my only hope.

This is me too....idk how much longer i can rot alone for....

 

[bigj75]

do you have a boyfriend?