Is the idea that most clubs welcome new members a myth?

[Marktheghost]

I've had 2 clubs block me on Facebook after I contacted them to ask for information about them recently!

The first one was a netball club; they said they weren't running at the moment, but they were holding some recreational sessions. I asked more than once where and when the recreational sessions were, and was only told that they were on Sundays at "the academy".

They asked about whether I'd played netball before, and when I told them what club I'd played at before they blocked me from sending any more messages on facebook without ever telling me when or where the recreational sessions were!

The 2nd one was a football club that I asked for information, and they wrote back and said "We're not sure what your interest is in our club, but we already get enough parental support" or something. And they blocked me from sending them messages too. Too right they're not sure what my interest is! They didn't exactly go out of their way to find out did they! And I don't even understand what the 2nd half of what they said means! You can only play for them if your parents are going to come and cheer you on or if you're the parent of someone else that's involved with the club or something?!

Is the idea that most clubs want new members, and make them welcome, a myth?

 

[Whale_bones]

Just going off of what you've written here, I'm wondering if the clubs you contacted were small, private clubs that never have people they don't know in person contact them to join. The messages from the first one seemed like whoever was sending it was used to talking to people who were already familiar with the club. Just stating "the academy" as a location definitely seems like they were using shorthand that club members would already know.

The second one sounds like they weren't used to being contacted on FB either. Did that page have any information on it? If there wasn't any description that stated it's an adult football club, it may have actually been a club for kids and that's why they said the parental support thing. I'm just thinking of that because I don't know why else they would be getting parental support! I know that can mean parents giving monetary donations, but that would still only make sense if it was a kid's club.

I really commend you for getting out there and trying to join groups. My experiences with joining groups has been really mixed; some were super welcoming and really happy when I showed any interest. Then there were others, like back when I was religious, that openly advertised for people to come and join, and when I walked in the church everyone just looked me up and down, made a face and turned their backs. Everyone was dressed nice and clearly well-off, I'm poor and had to walk several miles just to get in the door, and they were looking at me like trash even though their church was asking for people to come. I wanted nothing to do with them and left right away, but the way they all looked at me was a nasty feeling. So yeah, experiences like that are a real kick in the gut.

It's definitely ideal to go with a friend if you can, but messaging on FB is a good way to get information and see what kind of people are there. These two groups you talked to, for whatever the reason may be, don't seem like the welcoming type. But I think FB messaging allows you to keep some distance while still searching for a friendly club, so I'd say keep at it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe it is a myth. I always think the worst of people though anyway. People can be very disappointing and can let you down. I'm sorry you have had this experience, it sounds frustrating. I wish you the best.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

It depends on the club and the people in it. Are you in university, or are you an older adult not in any education? You might have better luck with meetup groups and hobby groups. from what I've seen usually adult sports clubs are based on some common circumstance or mutual acquaintance. My area has a lot of Latino immigrants and people who know each other/others who play soccer will organize to form a club and play together. It'd be strange to request to join unless you knew someone on the team or approached them in person and had skills in the sport.

In a university context, like I said it can depend on the people inside the club. Some clubs are very cliquely and competitive, or people are only there for a resume boost and not to make friends. My uni has many clubs in my major -- the biggest club we have is rumored to be insanely cliquey; and non-surprisingly it's a career-based club. The club for women in my major is a lot friendlier, but the focus is on mentorship, not really forever friendship.

Hobby clubs usually go a lot better! the nicher and less skills required, the better. Online there are lots of forums dedicated to different hobbies. Hardcore crochet groups where people make their own pattern can be kinda of gatekeeper-y, same with most image boards and groups related to skilled hobbies like programming or math. but if you're in a more casual group, like "Math Lovers of Your University" you might find that the people in the club are approachable and looking to make friends.

Basically --> lots of people with a specific shared interest, low barrier to entry --> more likely people are there to make friends

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I organized some meetups a while back, no issues. Guess the trick is to not turn to these types of private clubs; maybe try a chess club or an MMA club.

 

[Beau]

I am so sorry that this did not go well for you. A club having a FB page does not mean they are looking for people to join. Try a website like Meetup.com where the main intent is for people to get together.

Good for you for trying. Just brush off this experience and move on. Clubs are like people, in that there will be good fits and not-so-good fits. I have faith that you can find a place that is right for you.

 

[Eric Draven]

I'm new here so apologies if this offends but why is this post in the suicide forum? Wouldn't it be better placed in the off topic section?
As I say, I'm new here so maybe I'm missing something.

Thanks in advance

 

[odradek]

Well if the first group blocked you, that seems a bit extreme if you were just asking questions. Maybe reviewing how you asked those questions might give you some insight. The second group from your description sounds like it's for children so unless you have kids it would make sense they wouldn't be interested in you as a member.

@Midian I think it can fit in this section as it is probably a source for OP feeling suicidal. That would be my guess. Also suicide discussion just gets more traction then off topic so sometimes people post here for that reason.