Is suicide specifically appealing to you?

[leloyon]

I'm not posting this as a poll or question since I'm being more specific than just the title question.
I have noticed a lot of people talking about non-existence, falling asleep hoping they don't wake up, getting someone else to kill them etc. throughout my time on this forum. So thus my question is: is suicide SPECIFICALLY appealing to you, or is it just the means to an end?
As in, would you rather have died differently, rather than by your own hand? Would you rather have never existed at all? What would the ideal death be for you?
Basically a discussion on your overall thoughts on death and the preferred means of reaching it.

Personally, I would have not been born if I could help it. Honestly, if I could go back in time, I would have no qualms committing violence against my biological parents if it ensured that I would not be born (disregarding paradoxes, since obviously I wouldn't exist and thus wouldn't be able to go back in time to begin with, yada yada you get what I mean). The fact that they have confirmed that I am an accident doesn't help this. That's not to say that they said it in a bad way, they have simply consistently told me that my brother was intentional and that I was not.
However, now that I am here, suicide specifically is appealing to me. I have been hurt a lot by this world. I have been hurt a lot by other people. This has gotten to the point where now, my life is the only thing that is left to be taken from me. The world and the other people inhabiting it have taken everything from me except my life, at least in the literal sense. Thus, I deny them this. I refuse to let anyone take my life. I refuse to let this world take my life. Only I have that right. No one else has the right to take my life from me after they've taken everything else. This world has no right to take it from me after constantly taking everything else, dragging me down over and over. And if they want me to stick around? If this world that hurts me so badly yet refuses to kill me does so because it wants me to continue living? If these people that keep on hurting me want me to stay alive, if only just to continue hurting me? All the more reason. I'll spit in their face and take their control away from them.
Another reason is that it is an expression of my suffering. If I die from a disease or from a mugger or whatever, all will be forgotten. But with a suicide, my life and the circumstances that lead to my death cannot be ignored. The suffering that caused it is right in your face, even if you try to deny why I did it, there is still the fact that suicide is associated with depression and other mental illness, so they cannot ignore that I was mentally ill and suffering from it to the point that I actively took my own life.
A third reason, very similar to reason one, is control. I will finally have control over my fate. Over my life.
And the fourth is simply because it seems oddly romanticized to me. Some methods just seem very appealing in a way that no other dead is. I think I'm drawn to the more instant, gory deaths, specifically one where someone pulls a trigger of some kind that almost instantly ensures their fate. This could be a literal gun trigger, or jumping off a building for example, where the jump is the trigger and death comes almost immediately. I don't like the idea of, say, taking a substance and then waiting, and waiting, until eventually slowly fading into unconsciousness and then dying like that. It just doesn't feel right. I think a part of this is due to self-hatred, as the methods I prefer seem to be destructive and are likely to disfigure the corpse in some way. I hate my body, so I would honestly prefer to leave it completely unrecognizable to be honest. But I think the idea of just performing one action and then it just being lights out immediately, with at best a few seconds waiting period, is just appealing to me.

Hopefully that should give you an idea of what this thread is about. Anyway, discuss.

 

[MiMif]

I'm not posting this as a poll or question since I'm being more specific than just the title question.
I have noticed a lot of people talking about non-existence, falling asleep hoping they don't wake up, getting someone else to kill them etc. throughout my time on this forum. So thus my question is: is suicide SPECIFICALLY appealing to you, or is it just the means to an end?
As in, would you rather have died differently, rather than by your own hand? Would you rather have never existed at all? What would the ideal death be for you?
Basically a discussion on your overall thoughts on death and the preferred means of reaching it.

Personally, I would have not been born if I could help it. Honestly, if I could go back in time, I would have no qualms committing violence against my biological parents if it ensured that I would not be born (disregarding paradoxes, since obviously I wouldn't exist and thus wouldn't be able to go back in time to begin with, yada yada you get what I mean). The fact that they have confirmed that I am an accident doesn't help this. That's not to say that they said it in a bad way, they have simply consistently told me that my brother was intentional and that I was not.
However, now that I am here, suicide specifically is appealing to me. I have been hurt a lot by this world. I have been hurt a lot by other people. This has gotten to the point where now, my life is the only thing that is left to be taken from me. The world and the other people inhabiting it have taken everything from me except my life, at least in the literal sense. Thus, I deny them this. I refuse to let anyone take my life. I refuse to let this world take my life. Only I have that right. No one else has the right to take my life from me after they've taken everything else. This world has no right to take it from me after constantly taking everything else, dragging me down over and over. And if they want me to stick around? If this world that hurts me so badly yet refuses to kill me does so because it wants me to continue living? If these people that keep on hurting me want me to stay alive, if only just to continue hurting me? All the more reason. I'll spit in their face and take their control away from them.
Another reason is that it is an expression of my suffering. If I die from a disease or from a mugger or whatever, all will be forgotten. But with a suicide, my life and the circumstances that lead to my death cannot be ignored. The suffering that caused it is right in your face, even if you try to deny why I did it, there is still the fact that suicide is associated with depression and other mental illness, so they cannot ignore that I was mentally ill and suffering from it to the point that I actively took my own life.
A third reason, very similar to reason one, is control. I will finally have control over my fate. Over my life.
And the fourth is simply because it seems oddly romanticized to me. Some methods just seem very appealing in a way that no other dead is. I think I'm drawn to the more instant, gory deaths, specifically one where someone pulls a trigger of some kind that almost instantly ensures their fate. This could be a literal gun trigger, or jumping off a building for example, where the jump is the trigger and death comes almost immediately. I don't like the idea of, say, taking a substance and then waiting, and waiting, until eventually slowly fading into unconsciousness and then dying like that. It just doesn't feel right. I think a part of this is due to self-hatred, as the methods I prefer seem to be destructive and are likely to disfigure the corpse in some way. I hate my body, so I would honestly prefer to leave it completely unrecognizable to be honest. But I think the idea of just performing one action and then it just being lights out immediately, with at best a few seconds waiting period, is just appealing to me.

Hopefully that should give you an idea of what this thread is about. Anyway, discuss.

I honestly feel it would be better to have never existed at all....not sure exactly if the thought of ctb is appealing to me....I can't bring myself to do it cause I'm a coward. Though I don't like my existence too much. I would like for every trace of me to just cease to exist including everyone's memories

 

[FuneralCry]

I do view suicide as the best way to die as it's on my own terms but the problem is that it's purposely made so inaccessible and difficult which is why I'm still trapped here. The option of a guaranteed, instant and peaceful suicide which is like never waking again would certainly be appealing to me and so relieving but sadly that's just not the reality.

But in my case I really wished I never existed in the first place as I do view non-existence to be preferable under all circumstances, I don't believe existence to be something worth enduring, it just causes harm and to never exist prevents all suffering.

 

[leloyon]

I honestly feel it would be better to have never existed at all....not sure exactly if the thought of ctb is appealing to me....I can't bring myself to do it cause I'm a coward. Though I don't like my existence too much. I would like for every trace of me to just cease to exist including everyone's memories

Not committing suicide out of fear isn't cowardly. We all have survival instinct (SI) that has developed throughout our entire evolution. You're battling against one of your core instincts, it's not a cowardly thing to be defeated by such a strong opponent.

 

[_exhausted_]

Suicide itself holds no appeal. I've been left behind in the wake of my father's suicide and I hate the idea of what me CTB will do to others. But it's a means to an end. I just don't want to be here anymore and haven't for a very long time. Ideal death would simply be to go to sleep and not wake up.

 

[leloyon]

I do view suicide as the best way to die as it's on my own terms but the problem is that it's purposely made so inaccessible and difficult which is why I'm still trapped here. The option of a guaranteed, instant and peaceful suicide which is like never waking again would certainly be appealing to me and so relieving but sadly that's just not the reality.

But in my case I really wished I never existed in the first place as I do view non-existence to be preferable under all circumstances, I don't believe existence to be something worth enduring, it just causes harm and to never exist prevents all suffering.

Bringing someone into this world is, in my opinion, the biggest act of cruelty someone can perform.

 

[dkdkdkdkkd]

I'm very sorry that you have to go through so much pain, it's really tough and sad, wishing you the best
To answer your question, I think that not being born is the best way honestly, because suicide is not easy and most ways of committing it are not 100% guaranteed to work plus you need to prepare for it which is also kind of a hussle. So yes, not being born definitely makes everything much more easier.
However, because not being born is not really an option I would choose euthanasia or maybe some kind of accident

 

[Ashe]

I've never wanted to exist and would of entirely prefer that I just wasn't the lucky sperm that made it to my mothers egg. I've known very, VERY few moments in my life where things felt truly okay but I honestly do not want to exist to be tortured on a daily basis by people telling me to just get better or that my mental illness's aren't valid. In a way yes suicide has always been appealing to me but two failed attempts have left me shattered that I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

 

[sserafim]

I'm not posting this as a poll or question since I'm being more specific than just the title question.
I have noticed a lot of people talking about non-existence, falling asleep hoping they don't wake up, getting someone else to kill them etc. throughout my time on this forum. So thus my question is: is suicide SPECIFICALLY appealing to you, or is it just the means to an end?
As in, would you rather have died differently, rather than by your own hand? Would you rather have never existed at all? What would the ideal death be for you?
Basically a discussion on your overall thoughts on death and the preferred means of reaching it.

Personally, I would have not been born if I could help it. Honestly, if I could go back in time, I would have no qualms committing violence against my biological parents if it ensured that I would not be born (disregarding paradoxes, since obviously I wouldn't exist and thus wouldn't be able to go back in time to begin with, yada yada you get what I mean). The fact that they have confirmed that I am an accident doesn't help this. That's not to say that they said it in a bad way, they have simply consistently told me that my brother was intentional and that I was not.
However, now that I am here, suicide specifically is appealing to me. I have been hurt a lot by this world. I have been hurt a lot by other people. This has gotten to the point where now, my life is the only thing that is left to be taken from me. The world and the other people inhabiting it have taken everything from me except my life, at least in the literal sense. Thus, I deny them this. I refuse to let anyone take my life. I refuse to let this world take my life. Only I have that right. No one else has the right to take my life from me after they've taken everything else. This world has no right to take it from me after constantly taking everything else, dragging me down over and over. And if they want me to stick around? If this world that hurts me so badly yet refuses to kill me does so because it wants me to continue living? If these people that keep on hurting me want me to stay alive, if only just to continue hurting me? All the more reason. I'll spit in their face and take their control away from them.
Another reason is that it is an expression of my suffering. If I die from a disease or from a mugger or whatever, all will be forgotten. But with a suicide, my life and the circumstances that lead to my death cannot be ignored. The suffering that caused it is right in your face, even if you try to deny why I did it, there is still the fact that suicide is associated with depression and other mental illness, so they cannot ignore that I was mentally ill and suffering from it to the point that I actively took my own life.
A third reason, very similar to reason one, is control. I will finally have control over my fate. Over my life.
And the fourth is simply because it seems oddly romanticized to me. Some methods just seem very appealing in a way that no other dead is. I think I'm drawn to the more instant, gory deaths, specifically one where someone pulls a trigger of some kind that almost instantly ensures their fate. This could be a literal gun trigger, or jumping off a building for example, where the jump is the trigger and death comes almost immediately. I don't like the idea of, say, taking a substance and then waiting, and waiting, until eventually slowly fading into unconsciousness and then dying like that. It just doesn't feel right. I think a part of this is due to self-hatred, as the methods I prefer seem to be destructive and are likely to disfigure the corpse in some way. I hate my body, so I would honestly prefer to leave it completely unrecognizable to be honest. But I think the idea of just performing one action and then it just being lights out immediately, with at best a few seconds waiting period, is just appealing to me.

Hopefully that should give you an idea of what this thread is about. Anyway, discuss.

No, suicide is just a means to an end. Honestly, I never even wanted to exist in the first place. I hate the fact that I was forced into existence and forced to live this life. I would rather never have even existed at all. I hate being a human being. Life as a human is literally terrible. If I had to be alive, I would definitely be a cat instead.

My end goal is dying. I want to be dead and nonexistent. I just want to fade out of existence. My ideal way to die would be to fall asleep and never wake up. I want to be asleep forever…

However, I will inevitably end up committing suicide because it is the best (or maybe even only?) method that will allow me to achieve my goal. Unfortunately I'm young and will probably live a long natural life, and suicide is the only thing that will allow me to die. I hate my life and I hate living, but sadly I'm still in good health so I probably won't die anytime soon. There's also a low chance that I would get killed in an accident or something.

In fact, suicide is my least preferred way. I don't want to have to kill myself or die by my own hand. That's so violent. You're basically inflicting pain onto yourself. I would much rather someone else do it. But sadly it's the only way.

 

[rainseahorse]

it's not appealing to me, but it's my second choice in life and it feels good to always have that choice waiting for me. i'd pay a lot for some button with a pincode that only i can press to just have myself die immediately and painlessly...

 

[sserafim]

I honestly feel it would be better to have never existed at all....not sure exactly if the thought of ctb is appealing to me....I can't bring myself to do it cause I'm a coward. Though I don't like my existence too much. I would like for every trace of me to just cease to exist including everyone's memories

Same, me neither. I can't bring myself to do it bc of the risk of failure. And if you fail you could end up with permanent damage. It would have been better to not even have attempted in the first place

 

[rabbitmalice56]

I prefer non-existance but since im already alive i romanticize death.

 

[sserafim]

it's not appealing to me, but it's my second choice in life and it feels good to always have that choice waiting for me. i'd pay a lot for some button with a pincode that only i can press to just have myself die immediately and painlessly...

Same! This would be ideal. I too want my own death button

 

[Ligand]

I don't hold any grudges against anyone from my life. Suicide is generally pretty traumatic to the people that knew you and so it's honestly not something I'm stoked about putting people through. My desire to not live through the rest of my life is extremely strong and I really want to die in some way or another. I always thought getting a terminal illness would be an OK way to go out; I would have a few months to say goodbye to people and then I could cap myself lol. Seems less traumatic to the survivors.

My current situation is far from ideal. I don't like the idea of my legacy being "guy with a lot of potential and loving family that got sick and then shot himself," but I guess that's what it'll have to be.

But I have very little fear of dying and I'm a devout atheist so the process of suicide doesn't seem too bad. I just feel bad about what I'm going to leave behind.

 

[DeadlineDialer]

My life is the only thing that is left to be taken from me. The world and the other people inhabiting it have taken everything from me except my life, at least in the literal sense. Thus, I deny them this. I refuse to let anyone take my life. I refuse to let this world take my life. Only I have that right.

A third reason, very similar to reason one, is control. I will finally have control over my fate. Over my life.

And the fourth is simply because it seems oddly romanticized to me.

Crazy how deeply I feel this, took the words out of my mouth. I'm sorry we've all had to experience such dogshit that this is what we have to look forward to.

I won't question the what if's about never existing, fact is I'm here, shit happens. But I'll be damned if I let some putrid miscreant take my life. Since my childhood I knew I wanted to go out my way, no ifs ands or buts about it. I've lived my life the way I've wanted to and I intend to die the same, it's the only fitting end I see. Even if my life wasn't a steaming pile of horseshit I would still take it myself, I wouldn't give the universe the satisfaction.

I think I used to stress about it but I've been weathered and calloused from my time in the rain. I'm a rusted, hollowed out monument to my own transgressions and atrocities. Just sunken eyes and a tired mind, lights on, no one home. I've taken my time accepting it, and my choice has infected my being. It's a part of me now, and I cherish it.

 

[CH349]

To me, suicide is just a means to and end

I would have loved to be born in a different setting, where I could've enjoyed life. A world where I'm not mentally ill, where I didn't make mistakes and ruin my mental health to try to please others. I would love any mythical alternative like being reborn in a different world. Or turn back time and remove my mental illness. Or magically press a button and painlessly teleport to the afterlife.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd prefer never to have existed. I don't particularly want to commit suicide. I don't want to endure the pain or fear of doing it. I don't want it to hurt people left behind either. I'd prefer it if my death was natural but I'm not willing to hang around for it and I'm not willing to go through years of suffering into old age to get it. I imagine most people would opt for painlessly dieing in their sleep if they could choose when but, nature works too slowly in many cases.

As a method- I would prefer assisted suicide- if only it were available. That would allow me to tell people in advance. Say proper goodbyes. I'd also feel more confident that I wouldn't suffer and that it would be successful. I'd likely fight back if someone tried to murder me though. I hate it that bullies try to assert their dominance in this world. That would make me angry enough to at least try and fight back.

I guess the defiance side appeals to me about suicide. I don't want to be a part of this capitalist, exploitative world. I think a part of me feels quite satisfied at our rich politicians panicking because its citizens are opting out.

Still, the honest truth is I resent it that I'm going to have to do this to myself if I really want out. It's not a great choice to make- given the options we are left with but one day- it may still look more appealing than living.

 

[sserafim]

I'd prefer never to have existed. I don't particularly want to commit suicide. I don't want to endure the pain or fear of doing it. I don't want it to hurt people left behind either. I'd prefer it if my death was natural but I'm not willing to hang around for it and I'm not willing to go through years of suffering into old age to get it. I imagine most people would opt for painlessly dieing in their sleep if they could choose when but, nature works too slowly in many cases.

As a method- I would prefer assisted suicide- if only it were available. That would allow me to tell people in advance. Say proper goodbyes. I'd also feel more confident that I wouldn't suffer and that it would be successful. I'd likely fight back if someone tried to murder me though. I hate it that bullies try to assert their dominance in this world. That would make me angry enough to at least try and fight back.

I guess the defiance side appeals to me about suicide. I don't want to be a part of this capitalist, exploitative world. I think a part of me feels quite satisfied at our rich politicians panicking because its citizens are opting out.

Still, the honest truth is I resent it that I'm going to have to do this to myself if I really want out. It's not a great choice to make- given the options we are left with but one day- it may still look more appealing than living.

Same! I don't want to ever reach old age either. I want to die young. I think that society romanticizes dying young. I want to defy the capitalist system as well, I don't want to be a part it either. I see my eventual suicide as an act of rebellion and defiance to escape it. I hate how we're all forced to live under capitalism. In fact, the main reason why I want to ctb is because I don't want to have to be a slave to capitalism. I'd rather die than have to work 40+ years until death. I just don't see a point in living that long, or a point in living to work or working to live. I'd honestly rather die now, when I'm still young and free. I never want to enter the workforce and become a pawn of capitalism. I don't want to buy into this system.

 

[leloyon]

To me, suicide is just a means to and end

I would have loved to be born in a different setting, where I could've enjoyed life. A world where I'm not mentally ill, where I didn't make mistakes and ruin my mental health to try to please others. I would love any mythical alternative like being reborn in a different world. Or turn back time and remove my mental illness. Or magically press a button and painlessly teleport to the afterlife.

I strongly relate to this.
Something I didn't mention in the OP is my belief in the afterlife. I believe in reincarnation, and part of me hopes that suicide will lead me to a better life than this one.
Though I have been suicidal even before my belief in reincarnation, and it doesn't change my decision to be honest, I would have committed suicide anyway. I see it as inevitable, really. I can't imagine my life ending any other way.

 

[ang3lz]

I often wish it weren't the way it would end, it'd be nicer to die on a nicer note for the sake of everyone who I've met. It's more that it's the only choice. It's like if I were on the brink of death by starvation, and there's two plates in front of me. One empty, the other one with mouldy bread on it. The mouldy bread is NOT what I'd want to have, but I have no other choice bc I'd die anyways.
Except in my life right now, the mouldy bread is to successful ctb. there's no other options in front of me to die this young. It's all that waits in front of me

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

1. I prefer to never have existed. 2. Next I prefer suicide to take control , finally perform a rational act and an act that I really chose and wanted. Also to give a big fu to the anti suicide world and the prolifers. Yes a method like squeezing the trigger on my shotgun blowing my head and brain apart is a bigger fu to life and this evil world