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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
6,029
I have the feeling my brain is not wired correctly. I am very obsessed by suicidal thoughts. I have suicidal thoughts I think due to OCD, depression, paranoid thoughts and bipolar. My mind is a dark and weird place. Even when I am feeling okay I am still thinking a lot about suicide. There are thoughts or situations I am always repeating. SItuations where I said things like "I am spending my time in suicide forums. I read books of people who ctb and I plan to kill myself." I gave more or less a speech in front of psychology students how I am feeling in the psych ward (I was acute suicidal.). It was pretty interesting. I think the psychologist who invited me to do that regretted it after 30 seconds. I only talked about killing myself though in a very articulate way for like half an hour. The students seemed to be shocked when I talked about which led me to this step. (child abuse and bullying)

I think too much about this incident. I have other patterns of thinking which I am always repeating. I think my reasons for suicide are very rational. Though I doubt a little bit whether I am fully sane. At least in contrast to many people with psychosis I am aware of that fact.

I think my brain is programmed to do self-destruction. (if this sentence makes sense on English.) I think there is something not wired correctly. I don't want to say with that that suicide can't be rational. But it feels a little bit like it was against our nature to kill oneself. The survival instinct is so strong we are like surviving machines. We are used to adapt to the circumstances. This is the reason why the species "humans" dominates this planet.
I don't want to say with that that suicide was immoral. But it is not a common behavior. Maybe I underestimate that. I think many people have suicidal thoughts. But I am really obsessed by killing myself on an very unhealthy level. I think several traumatas caused that. It does not seem for me to be "normal" to be this way.
 
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loststar

loststar

Just looking for the way
Apr 18, 2022
56
I truly believe self destructive tendancies are part of being human, some are just more prone to them than others. Some drink excessivly, some get into fights. Some just want the ultimate destruction of the self.
 
NSA

NSA

Your friendly neighborhood agent
Feb 21, 2022
271
." I gave more or less a speech in front of psychology students how I am feeling in the psych ward (I was acute suicidal.). It was pretty interesting. I think the psychologist who invited me to do that regretted it after 30 seconds. I only talked about killing myself though in a very articulate way for like half an hour. The students seemed to be shocked when I talked about which led me to this step.
I just want to say This is amazing. Damn right they regretted it. Truth hurts. Hopefully you got through to at least some of them about what "the other side" is really like. Most mean well but have no clue, which is why shit is the way it is.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,867
I don't know, really, if having self destructive tendencies is only found in humans. Are there any examples of animals that kill themselves? Animals certainly murder, but only for food, as far as I know. They certainly fight with each other, too. I suppose one might die in a fight. That's interesting about whether only humans have suicidal tendencies. Makes be wish I would have gone into a different field way back in the old ages.
 
barelys4ne

barelys4ne

Member
Apr 15, 2021
26
Suicidiality can be exacerbated genetically im sure but suicide can also be seen as a rational conclusion for an intelligent species that reached the limit of their pain benchmark. There are "low status" monkeys that self harm, don't know about suicide.
 
BigG91

BigG91

I'd rather be homeless with good health.
Aug 21, 2021
191
I have the feeling my brain is not wired correctly. I am very obsessed by suicidal thoughts. I have suicidal thoughts I think due to OCD, depression, paranoid thoughts and bipolar. My mind is a dark and weird place. Even when I am feeling okay I am still thinking a lot about suicide. There are thoughts or situations I am always repeating. SItuations where I said things like "I am spending my time in suicide forums. I read books of people who ctb and I plan to kill myself." I gave more or less a speech in front of psychology students how I am feeling in the psych ward (I was acute suicidal.). It was pretty interesting. I think the psychologist who invited me to do that regretted it after 30 seconds. I only talked about killing myself though in a very articulate way for like half an hour. The students seemed to be shocked when I talked about which led me to this step. (child abuse and bullying)

I think too much about this incident. I have other patterns of thinking which I am always repeating. I think my reasons for suicide are very rational. Though I doubt a little bit whether I am fully sane. At least in contrast to many people with psychosis I am aware of that fact.

I think my brain is programmed to do self-destruction. (if this sentence makes sense on English.) I think there is something not wired correctly. I don't want to say with that that suicide can't be rational. But it feels a little bit like it was against our nature to kill oneself. The survival instinct is so strong we are like surviving machines. We are used to adapt to the circumstances. This is the reason why the species "humans" dominates this planet.
I don't want to say with that that suicide was immoral. But it is not a common behavior. Maybe I underestimate that. I think many people have suicidal thoughts. But I am really obsessed by killing myself on an very unhealthy level. I think several traumatas caused that. It does not seem for me to be "normal" to be this way.
Nah Buddy your brain was wired correctly and bipolar psychosis has fried it and now it's probably a mash potato kind of situation inside your brain. The meds make it worse by adding subtle side effects.

I know because I'm suffering the same I've noticed cognitive impairment after every psychotic episode...the longer the psychosis the more damaging.

The only time i get relief is when i stop medication and I'm happy and i feel alive or a few months and then within a year mania+Psychosis.
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
My suicidality is the fault of the 5050 chance at birth not going my way.

I am just glad that I am self aware to know the shittyness of my situation and that I am able to recognize that taking my own life would solve my problem.
 
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A

Alex6216

Mage
Apr 19, 2022
539
No, even if society is how I want it to be I would still off myself. I want to die because of who I am as a person, not because of society
 
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Crazy4u

Crazy4u

Enlightened
Sep 29, 2021
1,318
For some people but not everyone. No system in the world can make life heaven. Life is hell and full of pain and suffering. It is so unfair to a lot of people
 
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y0dha

y0dha

Student
Feb 10, 2022
104
Well I believe that lots of us mentally ill people would have been better in a more tight community like primitive societies are.
Thing is in these societies you know everyone, there's no paperwork and stuff, life is more simple overall even though it's a bit tough...

All you do is being completly connected to your nature as an hunter gatherer.
 
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thedaywillcome

thedaywillcome

I will leave soon
Apr 2, 2022
358
I have the feeling my brain is not wired correctly. I am very obsessed by suicidal thoughts. I have suicidal thoughts I think due to OCD, depression, paranoid thoughts and bipolar. My mind is a dark and weird place. Even when I am feeling okay I am still thinking a lot about suicide. There are thoughts or situations I am always repeating. SItuations where I said things like "I am spending my time in suicide forums. I read books of people who ctb and I plan to kill myself." I gave more or less a speech in front of psychology students how I am feeling in the psych ward (I was acute suicidal.). It was pretty interesting. I think the psychologist who invited me to do that regretted it after 30 seconds. I only talked about killing myself though in a very articulate way for like half an hour. The students seemed to be shocked when I talked about which led me to this step. (child abuse and bullying)

I think too much about this incident. I have other patterns of thinking which I am always repeating. I think my reasons for suicide are very rational. Though I doubt a little bit whether I am fully sane. At least in contrast to many people with psychosis I am aware of that fact.

I think my brain is programmed to do self-destruction. (if this sentence makes sense on English.) I think there is something not wired correctly. I don't want to say with that that suicide can't be rational. But it feels a little bit like it was against our nature to kill oneself. The survival instinct is so strong we are like surviving machines. We are used to adapt to the circumstances. This is the reason why the species "humans" dominates this planet.
I don't want to say with that that suicide was immoral. But it is not a common behavior. Maybe I underestimate that. I think many people have suicidal thoughts. But I am really obsessed by killing myself on an very unhealthy level. I think several traumatas caused that. It does not seem for me to be "normal" to be this way.
You dont look at suicide pictures on google picture?
 
Rogue Proxy

Rogue Proxy

Enlightened
Sep 12, 2021
1,315
I don't know, really, if having self destructive tendencies is only found in humans. Are there any examples of animals that kill themselves? Animals certainly murder, but only for food, as far as I know. They certainly fight with each other, too. I suppose one might die in a fight. That's interesting about whether only humans have suicidal tendencies. Makes be wish I would have gone into a different field way back in the old ages.
Autothysis, a.k.a. suicidal altruism, occurs when an animal "self-destructs" by rupturing or bursting their internal organ(s) to defend their colony. A few species of ants (like Colobopsis explodens and Colobopsis saundersi) and termites (like Globitermes sulphureus) will undergo autothysis and release adhesive, toxic substances from their bodies and onto invaders attacking their nests. On a similar note, honey bee workers will sting intruders with their barbed stingers, but end up tearing out their innards when they try to withdraw their stingers. Here's a link to a paper examining the self-destructive defense mechanisms in eusocial insects: https://libres.uncg.edu/ir/uncg/f/O_Rueppell_Review_2012.pdf.

There are semelparous animals, like Pacific salmon, giant Pacific octopus, mayflies, Atlas moths, and the antechinus, that die after reproducing for the first time. Male Australian redback spiders will often take this a step further: during copulation, they will somersault and expose their abdomens for the females to consume them. However, some male redbacks will avoid self-sacrificing themselves by mating with immature females. A few species of spiders, like Stegodyphus lineatus, undergo fatal versions of matriphagy where the mothers allow their spiderlings to devour them.

Finally, some parasites will infect the host's brain and influence the host into engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Rodents with toxoplasmosis, caused by the parasitic protozoan Toxoplasma gondii, won't hide or flee from predators like cats. This enables the predator to capture and consume the infected rodent, and in turn, allow Toxoplasma gondii to infect the predator. Horsehair worm larvae will parasitize insects like cockroaches, grasshoppers, beetles, and mantids. Once the horsehair worms mature, they alter the hosts' behavior into seeking bodies of water and submerging themselves. The hosts always drown after these nematodes swim out of their bodies.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,867
Autothysis, a.k.a. suicidal altruism, occurs when an animal "self-destructs" by rupturing or bursting their internal organ(s) to defend their colony. A few species of ants (like Colobopsis explodens and Colobopsis saundersi) and termites (like Globitermes sulphureus) will undergo autothysis and release adhesive, toxic substances from their bodies and onto invaders attacking their nests. On a similar note, honey bee workers will sting intruders with their barbed stingers, but end up tearing out their innards with they try to withdraw their stingers. Here's a link to a paper examining the self-destructive defense mechanisms in eusocial insects: https://libres.uncg.edu/ir/uncg/f/O_Rueppell_Review_2012.pdf.
Sacrifice for greater cause essentially.

There are semelparous animals, like Pacific salmon, giant Pacific octopus, mayflies, Atlas moths, and the antechinus, that die after reproducing for the first time. Male Australian redback spiders will often take this a step further: during copulation, they will somersault and expose their abdomens for the females to consume them. However, some male redbacks will avoid self-sacrificing themselves by mating with immature females. A few species of spiders, like Stegodyphus lineatus, undergo fatal versions of matriphagy where the mothers allow their spiderlings to devour them.
Sounds like more sacrifice for the good of the species.

Finally, some parasites will infect the host's brain and influence the host into engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Rodents with toxoplasmosis, caused by the parasitic protozoan Toxoplasma gondii, won't hide or flee from predators like cats. This enables the predator to capture and consume the infected rodent, and in turn, allow Toxoplasma gondii to infect the predator. Horsehair worm larvae will parasitize insects like cockroaches, grasshoppers, beetles, and mantids. Once the horsehair worms mature, they alter the hosts' behavior into seeking bodies of water and submerging themselves. The hosts always drown after these nematodes swim out of their bodies.
Murder essentially.

All still very interesting, I must say. Has an ostracized, loner animal ever done itself in?
 
befree

befree

Time to do more enjoyable things _____Goodbye_____
Mar 22, 2022
2,585
it´s one reason, yes.
 
Rogue Proxy

Rogue Proxy

Enlightened
Sep 12, 2021
1,315
Sacrifice for greater cause essentially.


Sounds like more sacrifice for the good of the species.


Murder essentially.

All still very interesting, I must say. Has an ostracized, loner animal ever done itself in?
I can't think of any other animal species where the ostracized, loner individual intentionally ends their life.

I do know that the so-called mass suicidality of lemmings is false. This misconception was popularized by the 1958 Disney nature documentary White Wilderness. There was a staged scene of lemmings tumbling down a precipice and into the sea. First, the location was actually filmed in Alberta, Canada, not in the Arctic. Since Alberta doesn't have lemmings, the film crew had to import the rodents from other Canadian providences. Second, a combination careful editing, camera angles, and turntables in the snow created the appearance of lemmings willfully scrambling towards the sea. Interestingly, there were similar myths of lemmings falling from the sky during storms, exploding, and swimming for the lost continent Lemuria.
 
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E

eremito

Student
Sep 18, 2019
119
I can't think of any other animal species where the ostracized, loner individual intentionally ends their life..
Because it's going to be eaten by its fellows. Among humans, the elimination proceeds in another manner, "civilized" and equally vulture-like. It may be not politically correct - I feel that society develops and triggers processes to get rid of the "superfluous" for the sake of preserving the best genes. Be it via suicides. And the way I view things is that, my departure would be in fact natural and beneficial to society, to those who would stay. Not a fault of the system but a positive contribution to society, my departure.
 
Shadow777

Shadow777

Member
Oct 16, 2021
19
I don't know, really, if having self destructive tendencies is only found in humans. Are there any examples of animals that kill themselves? Animals certainly murder, but only for food, as far as I know. They certainly fight with each other, too. I suppose one might die in a fight. That's interesting about whether only humans have suicidal tendencies. Makes be wish I would have gone into a different field way back in the old ages.
Hmm I can't say for sure but I've heard of animals hurting themselves when they are stuck or in a lot of pain. Dog bites it self etc. This could be taken as it's diverting pain away from the main source of pain, that is what came to my mind. Or maybe it wants to die which I find doubtful because of SI. Just a thought though.
 

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