Is one special person enough to not make you feel lonely?

[BlackEyedDog]

well, there are those times when u feel really down and alone and just one person reaches out and it can make it better. in those times it doesn't even have to be a romantic partner or someone super special.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

In my experience, having one person is a very, very dangerous place to be. It's like a recipe for dependancy, and when or if (it's usually when, human relationships have an expiration date) that person leaves, or when or if the nature of the relationship somehow changes (moving away, getting caught up in a job or a crisis, having an argument and needing to take a break, falling in love either with each other, the other person, someone else, illness, anything can happen because people are volatile) that is most often a guaranteed trauma. Through my life I have had a habit of not really attaching to anyone, then comes a person who seems to Have It All™, I get super attached to them because of my lack of meaningful attachment and then bam another traumatization. Nowadays, when I notice it happening I run towards other friends first thing. I wouldn't rely on them, humans are untrustworthy by nature and tend to leave as soon as it truly matters but it eases the need to attach.

 

[Blue Elephant]

So having someone close is dangerous while having no one is safe but lonely. Bloody hell but this is sad!

I would chose one person though, I have no one and it's so.. I mean what's the point of existing?

 

[derpyderpins]

One person can accomplish a lot, but I think most people will typically need more than one person in their life. Different connections give you different benefits. Different people can fit different moods and more appropriate for certain subjects. It's nice to have a primary romantic partner and then supplemental friends to fill in the cracks.

It's a lot of pressure to dump on one person expecting them to be everything for you.

Been thinking about this.

You and the potential single life partner can work towards filling all the cracks over time. It will always be a working process if you go about it right. You need to build trust and intimacy. Physically being together plays a big part of that (at least for me): going to sleep and waking up next to that person. You become more like one person than two as you experience life together.

It's very dangerous to expect someone to fill all the roles and cracks early in a relationship. That seems destined for failure and unhealthy codependency.

 

[Shakespeare&Company]

No, just leads to codependency. I still felt lonely.

 

[Blue Elephant]

I fully agree with @derpyderpins. One person CAN be enough if it's the right person. Looking into her eyes, seeing her sleep, feeling her presence.. that was plenty enough for me. : )

Dependency will follow once you open up and trust them. I mean this is love, or friendship, the ability to allow another to support you, and to support them back. This kind of dependency doesn't have to be a bad thing though. Would you walk in the cold without a jacket on? I wouldn't! Am I dependent on the jacket? Of course I am! But I don't see it as a bad thing, I see it as a simple comfort that every person who is cold should have. No one should freeze in the winter! .. No one should be alone! And yet .. : (

 

[idontfeellikeimreal]

Personally, one person would be enough. But I tend to make it really hard for them, without even knowing it. It's like I'm testing out if they would stay if things get rough.
So one person would be enough but whenever I have that one person I push them away every now and then, I don't know how they can handle that tho.

 

[vitbar]

I don't think so. It would go a long way. I'm happiest when I've multiple friends and many acquaintances.

I'm also going to be part of any relationship and I've issues with myself.

 

[sadfemboy:(]

no. they always give up eventually. and then I end up cycling through people. Feels like shit shouldn't be putting people through that

 

[Not A Fan]

Is one special person enough to not make you feel lonely?

Possibly, for a period of time, until one or both of you gets bored. Nothing wrong with that, though. Just don't sign any contracts. Nothing's permanent.

 

[Nlis2244]

Since i don't have, and won't ever have someone like that, i have to imagine them in my mind. I really wish it was real though

 

[flunkky]

Yes, but he doesn't want to be around me anymore, he got bored of me where I would have spent decades more analyzing every inch of him and his mind, and it was so easy to make up something to talk about, i felt seen, like someone had finally crossed into my world and cared.

 

[Blue Elephant]

Yes, but he doesn't want to be around me anymore, he got bored of me where I would have spent decades more analyzing every inch of him and his mind, and it was so easy to make up something to talk about, i felt seen, like someone had finally crossed into my world and cared.

It's sad how the more empathic, the more aware you are, the more you suffer. These people.. they come into our lives, they pretend we matter and then they get bored and toss us away like we're some kind of old phone model and not humans with minds as infinite universes.

I can imagine what you're going through @flunkky, I'm going through it as well. I'm really sorry you're experiencing this, you don't deserve it! : (

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

No :(

Unfortunately, I don't believe one person is enough to fulfill all of your social needs. It might be enough in the beginning but it develops into an unhealthy dependency unless you branch out.

This was my experience when I was literally only communicating with one person, though. Small talk with coworkers and online forums or chatbots was enough to get my social needs met without reaching the point of dependency. Still, most people want their partner to have friends or family or *something*.

 

[flunkky]

It's sad how the more empathic, the more aware you are, the more you suffer. These people.. they come into our lives, they pretend we matter and then they get bored and toss us away like we're some kind of old phone model and not humans with minds as infinite universes.

I can imagine what you're going through @flunkky, I'm going through it as well. I'm really sorry you're experiencing this, you don't deserve it! : (

Thank you for your kind words, I'm still new here so I don't know how this reply thing works.

It's true especially as of late, it seems anyone can toss another person aside as soon as they've juiced out all entertainment from them and all they've had to give. It's cruel considering the complex mind of even just one person, like taking a few bites of an apple and tossing it, to put it simply.

I may not know exactly what you're going through, but I wouldn't mind hearing about your troubles as well. If that is appropriate, otherwise there is no pressure, much care towards you still!!

 

[Blue Elephant]

Thank you for your kind words

<3

It's true especially as of late, it seems anyone can toss another person aside as soon as they've juiced out all entertainment from them and all they've had to give. It's cruel considering the complex mind of even just one person, like taking a few bites of an apple and tossing it, to put it simply.

I wonder if it wasn't always like this. I mean I haven't lived for thousands of years but (based on the available information) looking at the human mind and the human evolution in general the one trait that seems to rule them all is selfishness. Buddhism teaches that thirst is the root of all evil, we always want suff, nothing is ever enough. I think this thirst is selfishness. I look at humans and I look at myself as well and I see this thirst. But I am aware of it and how it affects me and the ones around me and I try to manage it. Others.. I'm not so sure.

So maybe this is why they're jucing out all the entertainment and moving on, they always want more, it is never enough. And they don't understand what they're doing because they're ignorant.

I think it was always like this. I think that if our society would have shown more love and understanding then we would be in a different place right now.

Hmm.. there's also the fact that for various reasons they have more options then us. Imagine if you have one bag of cherries every year. When you do get them you eat them slowly, you focus on how they taste, you realize how good they are, you appreaciate them, you enjoy them! Others who have plenty of bags don't appreciate them, they eat them fast, they gobble them up. Who cares? They can always get more.

I'm not sure if I make much sense, sometimes I ramble. I just, I had a bad day, I haven't slept much, I'm sorry. I agree with you though.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I don't know. One or multiple. I just know I can't. I mess things up, can't communicate, just don't have words, am just a complete burden - people tried too much where I couldn't reciprocate and help them try to help me. Can be pretty damn independent and functional flying solo.

Have to keep myself to myself bumbling along with surface level/transactional type relationships where necessary. Which all makes me ridiculously selfish being in the position where I did have multiple people asking about me and looking out for me but it was too much. Why do folk always seem to 'like' me. But I just don't get it. Can't get it. Feel like a dick seeing people struggling to make connections and I'm here batting them away. Can't these people like and want to care for someone who needs and deserves it.

Been too long now (nearly 2 years since leaving previous life and I've changed number a year ago etc - even now ghosting emails from my parents). Hopefully they have all moved on and know they are totally grand without me in their lives. Maybe not my parents but the old friends.

I have had times of longing for knowing how a few of those people are doing - a select couple of previous friends, but I just can't risk re-opening lines of communication. Nor risk the consequences of letting anyone 'new' into how all over the place I am. But I'm not. But I am.

 

[flunkky]

<3


I wonder if it wasn't always like this. I mean I haven't lived for thousands of years but (based on the available information) looking at the human mind and the human evolution in general the one trait that seems to rule them all is selfishness. Buddhism teaches that thirst is the root of all evil, we always want suff, nothing is ever enough. I think this thirst is selfishness. I look at humans and I look at myself as well and I see this thirst. But I am aware of it and how it affects me and the ones around me and I try to manage it. Others.. I'm not so sure.

So maybe this is why they're jucing out all the entertainment and moving on, they always want more, it is never enough. And they don't understand what they're doing because they're ignorant.

I think it was always like this. I think that if our society would have shown more love and understanding then we would be in a different place right now.

Hmm.. there's also the fact that for various reasons they have more options then us. Imagine if you have one bag of cherries every year. When you do get them you eat them slowly, you focus on how they taste, you realize how good they are, you appreaciate them, you enjoy them! Others who have plenty of bags don't appreciate them, they eat them fast, they gobble them up. Who cares? They can always get more.

I'm not sure if I make much sense, sometimes I ramble. I just, I had a bad day, I haven't slept much, I'm sorry. I agree with you though.

No, no, I completely understand what you mean. I suppose it is the abundance and lack of self awareness, makes much more sense. I think though unfortunately this lack of appreciation and trust in abundance does come from confidence, being confident that you'll always get more because you're so great or pretty, if that makes sense? Which is just rather sad because confidence is supposed to be a positive thing, no? I haven't looked much into Buddhism, but they seem to have wonderful values and have got their stuff together. It's more widely accepted today to indulge in the plentiful options, and even if they aren't plentiful, people often become bitter and angry at the fact that they aren't, further pushing people to the other side. (I'm definitely losing my train of thought here, but I hope my point is jumping across somewhat)
Though, I do hope you're well and have rested since then.

 

[Blue Elephant]

I suppose it is the abundance and lack of self awareness

Yes, that is correct! They have plenty but feel less. This reminds me of animals which have highly specialized in order to survive their stark environments. They achieve the most of what they have, they maximize their returns. Maybe this is why we felt so much when we met them, we need love too so when we finally experienced it, we tried to make the most of it, the best of it. We appreciated it.

this lack of appreciation and trust in abundance does come from confidence, being confident that you'll always get more because you're so great or pretty

It does make sense! This is precisely what I meant! Wow you.. are so good! So you.. understood the ideas behind my ramblings (which is an achivement since sometimes I barely understand myself) and then you wrote it in fewer words so everyone can understand it. Thank you! : )

Which is just rather sad because confidence is supposed to be a positive thing, no?

Hmm.. well, yes, it is a positive thing when it is based on truth. It helps, it gives us the strength to move forward in a controlled and safe way. Like: I've hiked for many years, I went through many different scenarios and now I'm experienced enough to know what to do and how to do it when I'm in the mountains. I'm confident that I can make if I find myself going through one or a combination of the scenarios that I've been through. Period! If I continue with I'm confident that I can make it through ANYTHING because I went through all those different scenarios then I lie to myself. That's overconfidence! You never know what you can find around the corner. Every situation can be different and should always be treated as such. Confidence not based on truth can be bad for us and for the ones around us.

Well.. that was a very insightful question! Thank you for asking it! : )

The thing is though.. I think it applies for them. My ex-girlfriend slept with so many boys before she met me that she couldn't even remember their number when I asked her about it. I'm not bothered, I'm just saying. Her confidence is well placed.

That doesn't mean that what they do is right or justified. Having confidence is not bad but it's different when appreciation, kindness and humility are missing..

It's more widely accepted today to indulge in the plentiful options, and even if they aren't plentiful, people often become bitter and angry at the fact that they aren't, further pushing people to the other side.

It is never enough for them so they keep taking again and again and again with no regard for the suffering they cause. I understand their thirst, it's all these drugs, these "poisoned gifts". But it's not difficult to move past this thirst. You can either remove these "gifts" from your environment or replace them with healthy ones. This requires awareness, understanding and the will to do good. Most don't have any of these attributes. : (

I'm never well but talking with a wise person improves things by a wide margin. Thank you for the kind wishes! I hope you're well too. <3

 

[CTB Dream]

1 prsn lone prsn
1 pair lone pair

 

[Nobody Special]

I don't think so.

 

[Pathetic and Sad]

Yes!! She was all I needed really, but she's not with me anymore, unfortunately...

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

not sure anymore.... if that one special person is a romantic one then they don't exist and i don't do hypotheticals..........

 

[rosepanda]

Undoubtedly, yes.