Is numbness to CTB one of the final stages

[affirmatice]

When I first started thinking of CTB a few months ago, it was destroying me. I couldn't imagine doing it, yet couldn't imagine living either and being happy.

I woke up in sweats of anxiety. I probably didn't get more than a few hours of sleep a night for weeks. I couldn't believe I was seriously at the point where killing myself seemed like the only option I had.

A few months later, here I am. I have a majority of SN components on hand. I wrote notes to the people I cared about. I'm numb to it all. I'm still playing the role of someone who is ok to friends and family, my girlfriend. But it's insane, I've literally accepted my fate almost.

I spend all day on my bed, in my thoughts, staring at nothing. I can't imagine myself going through the actions of suicide, yet it's always in my mind and I have a resigned attitude toward it. Like "yea, I lost my battles, I'm really gonna do it and say goodbye to this existence". I don't get great sleep, but I sleep better, even despite suicidal thoughts being more solid than ever. I'm numb beyond words.

I feel like at this point, I've sunken beyond low. Even if I want to try and get better, I literally don't think a human mind can reach this spot and go on to feel normal again.

 

[Sutter]

When I first started thinking of CTB a few months ago, it was destroying me. I couldn't imagine doing it, yet couldn't imagine living either and being happy.

I woke up in sweats of anxiety. I probably didn't get more than a few hours of sleep a night for weeks. I couldn't believe I was seriously at the point where killing myself seemed like the only option I had.

A few months later, here I am. I have a majority of SN components on hand. I wrote notes to the people I cared about. I'm numb to it all. I'm still playing the role of someone who is ok to friends and family, my girlfriend. But it's insane, I've literally accepted my fate almost.

I spend all day on my bed, in my thoughts, staring at nothing. I can't imagine myself going through the actions of suicide, yet it's always in my mind and I have a resigned attitude toward it. Like "yea, I lost my battles, I'm really gonna do it and say goodbye to this existence". I don't get great sleep, but I sleep better, even despite suicidal thoughts being more solid than ever. I'm numb beyond words.

I feel like at this point, I've sunken beyond low. Even if I want to try and get better, I literally don't think a human mind can reach this spot and go on to feel normal again.

Numbness.

Well I find that to be true in my situation. I would guess the same stages for grief as acceptance of death. Shock, denial, working the problem, deep grief, slow acceptance, numbness, CTB.

If there was a progression that is the two second screenplay of a heavy freight train blowing clean through me as I crossed the tracks.

Yes, numbness affirmative.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I sure tend to think so. The more the reality sets in for me, the more indifferent and less anxious I feel.

 

[jalapeno]

No it isn't. Feeling numb is a part of major depression. You're shutting out emotions that are too difficult to process. I've been that low and you can come back but you won't forget what it was like. It's like trauma, it's going to stick around.

 

[DeadManLiving]

This post was written almost as if I had myself. Yes, there's this very bittersweet but erie calmness/numbness within your soul as the moment of death gets closer.