My friend, i'm not saying that "psychiatric healthcare" (especially in some places) is something PERFECT. But why are you even considering "suicide" if you haven't checked it out? sometimes a "simple" hormone unbalance can be solved with a good doc and some meds (every doc has had to be a patient sometime) i have a good one but only after 20 years of struggling.
you're being harsh on yourself, i admire the will to "let faith alone overcome" but if its getting hard like... you described
i seriously suggest you to search a medical professional (doctor, psychologist, ASAP and be honest about what you feel, this is serious, not "weak men's issues") ...
please look for medical assistance . even if its in the public health system (sus, cras) don't underestimate the damage you can do to yourself with such "thoughts") .... don't want to sound rude but its not normal to feel like that 24hrs a day 7 days a week. please seek medical help, don't be ashamed. and don't be offended.