Help Is my note okay?

[Dreamlesssleep]

Hey guys, I'm leaving in less than a month and I have already started writing my notes etc. I have written for my three best friends in one note. I know it's not ideal but I can't bother writing one for every single on of them. I don't want them to feel guilty or blame themselves and I want them to know it's not their fault and that I love them but I'm scared they'll think that anyway. So can any of you review my note and help me out a little bit? Thank you

Ps: I will edit out names for privacy reason and list my friends as R H and N for the moment.

Copy of R, H and N

Dear R H and N I’m not a big fan of leaving notes because whatever you do people will make up their own bullshit stories blaming everyone but themselves or calling you selfish etc. But you three are the last people on earth that would do that. And I think you deserve at least a goodbye note. Th...

docs.google.com

 

[Nice]

Sorry, I can't read Google
What's your reason for your suicide?

 

[Dreamlesssleep]

Sorry, I can't read Google
What's your reason for your suicide?

Thanks for replying
It's multiple things really. But the main ones are past childhood physical and sexual abuse ( the emotional abuse is ongoing) that I never seem to forget. And when I was 8 a neighbor bombed himself outside my house. I'm still having trouble sleeping over that. When I was in foster home, for the first time ever I realized what the real world looks like and I don't like it at all. I have existential crisis every second that I'm alive. The only thing that brings me happiness anymore is self destruction. (And that is smoking, drinking until I almost pass out etc) I rejected my dream school on purpose because I know I'm going to kill myself soon (so I basically fucked my life up). Ever since my last suicide attempt (that landed me in the ICU for three days straight and on the mental hospital for a week) people have been calling me selfish and coward and spoiled. If I try to tell people that the sexual assaults (plural) are bothering me most relatives tell me that almost every girl goes through them and that I'm overreacting. The person that physically abused me was caught and they were charged with two assault charges and harassment (for spitting on my face) and then I was forced (kinda threatened) to lie in court and look the prosecutor straight in the eye and tell them that the person never touched me even though there was physical evidence... the worst part is that I'm still living with that person in their house. So things aren't going so well.

Besides I fucking hate the world in general.

 

[Nice]

Thanks for replying
It's multiple things really. But the main ones are past childhood physical and sexual abuse ( the emotional abuse is ongoing) that I never seem to forget. And when I was 8 a neighbor bombed himself outside my house. I'm still having trouble sleeping over that. When I was in foster home, for the first time ever I realized what the real world looks like and I don't like it at all. I have existential crisis every second that I'm alive. The only thing that brings me happiness anymore is self destruction. (And that is smoking, drinking until I almost pass out etc) I rejected my dream school on purpose because I know I'm going to kill myself soon (so I basically fucked my life up). Ever since my last suicide attempt (that landed me in the ICU for three days straight and on the mental hospital for a week) people have been calling me selfish and coward and spoiled. If I try to tell people that the sexual assaults (plural) are bothering me most relatives tell me that almost every girl goes through them and that I'm overreacting. The person that physically abused me was caught and they were charged with two assault charges and harassment (for spitting on my face) and then I was forced (kinda threatened) to lie in court and look the prosecutor straight in the eye and tell them that the person never touched me even though there was physical evidence... the worst part is that I'm still living with that person in their house. So things aren't going so well.

Besides I fucking hate the world in general.

I'm sorry to hear that.
Where are you from?
Do you study in high school or university?

Thanks for replying
It's multiple things really. But the main ones are past childhood physical and sexual abuse ( the emotional abuse is ongoing) that I never seem to forget. And when I was 8 a neighbor bombed himself outside my house. I'm still having trouble sleeping over that. When I was in foster home, for the first time ever I realized what the real world looks like and I don't like it at all. I have existential crisis every second that I'm alive. The only thing that brings me happiness anymore is self destruction. (And that is smoking, drinking until I almost pass out etc) I rejected my dream school on purpose because I know I'm going to kill myself soon (so I basically fucked my life up). Ever since my last suicide attempt (that landed me in the ICU for three days straight and on the mental hospital for a week) people have been calling me selfish and coward and spoiled. If I try to tell people that the sexual assaults (plural) are bothering me most relatives tell me that almost every girl goes through them and that I'm overreacting. The person that physically abused me was caught and they were charged with two assault charges and harassment (for spitting on my face) and then I was forced (kinda threatened) to lie in court and look the prosecutor straight in the eye and tell them that the person never touched me even though there was physical evidence... the worst part is that I'm still living with that person in their house. So things aren't going so well.

Besides I fucking hate the world in general.

I'm sorry to hear that.
Where are you from?
Do you study in high school or university?

 

[Dreamlesssleep]

I'm sorry to hear that.
Where are you from?
Do you study in high school or university?

I currently live in Europe Sweden (but I'm not Swedish) and I was supposed to start my second year of "college" but since I was forced to take a gap year (due to my mental health) I should start my (second) first year now but as I mentioned earlier I rejected my dream school that would've been the best path to med school. And I didn't apply to any other schools and it's too late to apply and there's no way I'm taking another gap year so yeah I'm screwed.
@Nice thank you so much for caring but I'm really not looking forward to any solutions you might offer at improving my life and that I shouldn't kill myself. I'm in a point of no return with suicide and it has been like this for the past 8 years. All I want is just tips and help with the suicide notes for my friends so that I don't say anything that might make them think that it's their fault.

 

[Dreamlesssleep]

I I'm very sorry to hear your experience.Do mind telling me your email? (You may delete it as soon as I give it a thumb up to protect your privacy)

Why would you want my email though?

 

[TraumaBunny]

I currently live in Europe Sweden (but I'm not Swedish) and I was supposed to start my second year of "college" but since I was forced to take a gap year (due to my mental health) I should start my (second) first year now but as I mentioned earlier I rejected my dream school that would've been the best path to med school. And I didn't apply to any other schools and it's too late to apply and there's no way I'm taking another gap year so yeah I'm screwed.
@Nice thank you so much for caring but I'm really not looking forward to any solutions you might offer at improving my life and that I shouldn't kill myself. I'm in a point of no return with suicide and it has been like this for the past 8 years. All I want is just tips and help with the suicide notes for my friends so that I don't say anything that might make them think that it's their fault.

First of all, from one human being to another, I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are but given what you've been through it's no wonder. You're obviously a kind hearted and courteous soul for considering the feelings of all your friends, especially when you're suffering as much as you are. It says a lot about you really. Despite the hell you've been through and cater for, you haven't lost your humanity and I think that's beautiful. I imagine you're a great friend to have and a beautiful person to know as well.

Unfortunately, there's no way to soften the blow of one's suicide. Believe me. I lost my dad to suicide and even if he'd written the sweetest note imaginable it still wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference. Everyone blames themselves.

 

[Dreamlesssleep]

First of all, from one human being to another, I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are but given what you've been through it's no wonder. You're obviously a kind hearted and courteous soul for considering the feelings of all your friends, especially when you're suffering as much as you are. It says a lot about you really. Despite the hell you've been through and cater for, you haven't lost your humanity and I think that's beautiful. I imagine you're a great friend to have and a beautiful person to know as well.

Unfortunately, there's no way to soften the blow of one's suicide. Believe me. I lost my dad to suicide and even if he'd written the sweetest note imaginable it still wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference. Everyone blames themselves.

Hi, thank you for replying.
I'm so sorry about your dad. You're right. The pain is inevitable, I'm just trying to make them hurt less because they have gotten out of their way trying to make me feel good and happy. One of them is the reason why I'm still alive because they're the reason I landed in the hospital instead of my grave after my last suicide attempt. The main goal is not to make them feel guilty because it's not their fault at all.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I'm sorry Dreamless :( It does seem like you've got some stellar people around you.

As I understand it though, even human support wanes once you're inevitably alone with your thoughts again, etc.

---------------------------

Under "H":

...because I know you hurting the most.

Change "you" to " you're"

-> ...because I know you're hurting the most.

---------------------------

Under "R":

I'm going to miss a friend chooses to make me feel better than to pity me.

Possibly add "who" and "rather"

-> I'm going to miss a friend who chooses to make me feel better rather than to pity me.

-------------


I'm going to miss the friend that their purpose in life is to help others and make the world much less shitty.

Maybe delete "that" and "their" and add "whose."

->I'm going to miss the friend whose purpose in life is to help others and make the world much less shitty.

---------------------------

Other than those 3 minor things, it's a very well-written, thoughtful letter. It comes straight from the heart.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Hi, thank you for replying.
I'm so sorry about your dad. You're right. The pain is inevitable, I'm just trying to make them hurt less because they have gotten out of their way trying to make me feel good and happy. One of them is the reason why I'm still alive because they're the reason I landed in the hospital instead of my grave after my last suicide attempt. The main goal is not to make them feel guilty because it's not their fault at all.

I think you did the best you could to make it clear that your friends have been supportive and bear no guilt. I'm so sorry for your pain and for the lack of support from your family.

 

[TraumaBunny]

Hi, thank you for replying.
I'm so sorry about your dad. You're right. The pain is inevitable, I'm just trying to make them hurt less because they have gotten out of their way trying to make me feel good and happy. One of them is the reason why I'm still alive because they're the reason I landed in the hospital instead of my grave after my last suicide attempt. The main goal is not to make them feel guilty because it's not their fault at all.

I don't know you but your manner suggests to me that you have excellent and very thoughtful qualities. As such I think it's highly likely that a uniquely selfless person like yourself will be grieved for and missed very deeply by his friends. So I'm afraid there's no way you could prevent them from experiencing guilt.

But at the end of the day, they shouldn't factor into anything right now. You're in suffering, you've gone beyond your ability to cope and you deserve help.

Personally, I'd rather a decent guy like yourself got some. People with your qualities are rare in this world. You have everything to offer.

But at the same time, I'm suicidal myself. So I can understand why you want to go.

 

[Dreamlesssleep]

I'm sorry Dreamless :( It does seem like you've got some stellar people around you.

As I understand it though, even human support wanes once you're inevitably alone with your thoughts again, etc.

---------------------------

Under "H":

...because I know you hurting the most.

Change "you" to " you're"

-> ...because I know you're hurting the most.

---------------------------

Under "R":

I'm going to miss a friend chooses to make me feel better than to pity me.

Possibly add "who" and "rather"

-> I'm going to miss a friend who chooses to make me feel better rather than to pity me.

-------------


I'm going to miss the friend that their purpose in life is to help others and make the world much less shitty.

Maybe delete "that" and "their" and add "whose."

->I'm going to miss the friend whose purpose in life is to help others and make the world much less shitty.

---------------------------

Other than those 3 minor things, it's a very well-written, thoughtful letter. It comes straight from the heart.

Thank you so much for correcting those errors.
Appreciate it

I don't know you but your manner suggests to me that you have excellent and very thoughtful qualities. As such I think it's highly likely that a uniquely selfless person like yourself will be grieved for and missed very deeply by his friends. So I'm afraid there's no way you could prevent them from experiencing guilt.

But at the end of the day, they shouldn't factor into anything right now. You're in suffering, you've gone beyond your ability to cope and you deserve help.

Personally, I'd rather a decent guy like yourself got some. People with your qualities are rare in this world. You have everything to offer.

But at the same time, I'm suicidal myself. So I can understand why you want to go.

Hi again, your words mean so much to me and I can't thank you enough for assuming that I'm a good person. I try my best.

PS : I'm not a guy, I'm a girl.

 

[BipolarExpat]

Thank you so much for correcting those errors.
Appreciate it ❤

It's my pleasure.

 

[durba1]

In my humble opinion, you don't have to give up that early.
Stop worrying about the future. We aren't granted how many years we'll live. And instead of thinking about a boring housewife's life,
Why don't you rather focus on your career, and work hard be independent and then travel the world, enjoy your life, meet and date different people, brief take control of your life.
Kids aren't a must, you can live a better life without having them.
You're only eighteen, your personality isn't yet totally shaped, your perception of things will definitely change, and you'll learn more about yourself and life in general, I guess you're assuming that you're mature enough to know everything and my words are totally bullshit. But Just listen to me, and look around you and read a bit about human kind's history, it always been a struggle, the era we're living in is unique, life isn't supposed to be comfortable & fun, life is wild and dangerous, life is a predicament, your family will mock you, people will hurt you, life will knock you. But put in mind that with the right attitude you'll win against life, take your pills, follow your studies and be sure that your pain is indeed temporary and you got the power to overcome it. Your trauma and mental health are totally manageable but there's always an open window to ctb later on.
My words are just a reflection of what I'm thinking of &of course I could be wrong, so don't take it personally, and I wish you all the best.