Is My Life Story Worth Telling Before I CTB?

[Why Me?]

A lot of people had no idea what I was going thru through out my life, and it turned into a mentally ill tragedy mainly because of my evil psycho mother. This woman abused me, neglected me, let my other sisters abuse me, put me in voodoo ceremonies, purposely caused me to lose my first job, and took money from me when she dropped me off at college leaving me with no money to buy books so I could not go to class, then I had a mental breakdown, and basically ended up living a life of isolation with no life skills. This woman tried to destroy me even though she knew I had severe medical problems from the age of 10, among other issues (autism spectrum, severe social anxiety/panic disorder, ,major depression, brain fog, etc) and at some point I even had to have a colostomy bag. This devil of a woman told lies to everyone she knew to cover up everything she did to me, and to make it seem like she was my victim. Now in old age she is pretending that she is a loving mother that didn't destroy my life, and I'm now dependent on her for money to eat & stuff while I'm stuck in another nightmare situation. I'm taking her money, because it's the least she can do, but she has no remorse for what she did to me, and if I bring anything up, she goes full psycho. At this point, I'm going to CTB because I have gotten no justice, and everyone treats me like trash, and I am a non functioning person just getting worse and worse at 42.

I always thought there was a purpose to what I been thru because it was so crazy, and not normal, and I was so misunderstood, I used to really be into Christianity thinking it would bring me justice, everyone will know my story, because I would become a hero that would save the world. Now all my faith is gone, clearly that is not going to happen, and I basically scammed myself with my beliefs. Apart of me is still desperate for everyone to know the truth, and the evil twisted people who damaged my life to be exposed, and also for people to know what was going on with me, however, realistically, I don't have the energy to tell my story, because it's so long and full of important details, I can't even get out of bed. Plus, my story is so full of weird darkness, I don't thing nobody wants to hear it or will care. A little piece of me is hoping my life story will help someone one, but logically it may be better being untold. I don't even have any type of social media following. Me not letting my life story go is actually delaying me CTBing with peace that I need. Please help me. I think I secretly want someone to tell me NO ONE CARES about it, so I can let it go, but just be honest. Do I need to accept the fact that my horrible life story is not worth anything to normal people, and I need to allow myself to CTB having peace with that?

 

[Dizzylady80]

It sounds like it's worth telling to me

 

[Tartuffe]

Sorry to hear this, it's a common theme here. I had a great upbringing and my mum did it all. It's hard to comprehend what you have gone through

 

[Sulyya]

Part of me wishes everyone could somehow leave at least a short autobiography.
Even if you only post it on the site, that's something.

 

[Why Me?]

Part of me wishes everyone could somehow leave at least a short autobiography.
Even if you only post it on the site, that's something.

If I can accept that just posting on this site is enough, then it can allow me to CTB this summer, and put an end to this torture. It's just a shame that this evil woman got more then she ever could dream of when it came to destroying me, she actually used me to gain sympathy and will do so after my death.

 

[FuneralCry]

That certainly sounds so horrific what you've been through, it's beyond awful how humans create so much harm in this hellish world. But I guess that after all, only you know if you should share your story or not, it's a personal decision.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

A lot of people had no idea what I was going thru through out my life, and it turned into a mentally ill tragedy mainly because of my evil psycho mother. This woman abused me, neglected me, let my other sisters abuse me, put me in voodoo ceremonies, purposely caused me to lose my first job, and took money from me when she dropped me off at college leaving me with no money to buy books so I could not go to class, then I had a mental breakdown, and basically ended up living a life of isolation with no life skills. This woman tried to destroy me even though she knew I had severe medical problems from the age of 10, among other issues (autism spectrum, severe social anxiety/panic disorder, ,major depression, brain fog, etc) and at some point I even had to have a colostomy bag. This devil of a woman told lies to everyone she knew to cover up everything she did to me, and to make it seem like she was my victim. Now in old age she is pretending that she is a loving mother that didn't destroy my life, and I'm now dependent on her for money to eat & stuff while I'm stuck in another nightmare situation. I'm taking her money, because it's the least she can do, but she has no remorse for what she did to me, and if I bring anything up, she goes full psycho. At this point, I'm going to CTB because I have gotten no justice, and everyone treats me like trash, and I am a non functioning person just getting worse and worse at 42.

I always thought there was a purpose to what I been thru because it was so crazy, and not normal, and I was so misunderstood, I used to really be into Christianity thinking it would bring me justice, everyone will know my story, because I would become a hero that would save the world. Now all my faith is gone, clearly that is not going to happen, and I basically scammed myself with my beliefs. Apart of me is still desperate for everyone to know the truth, and the evil twisted people who damaged my life to be exposed, and also for people to know what was going on with me, however, realistically, I don't have the energy to tell my story, because it's so long and full of important details, I can't even get out of bed. Plus, my story is so full of weird darkness, I don't thing nobody wants to hear it or will care. A little piece of me is hoping my life story will help someone one, but logically it may be better being untold. I don't even have any type of social media following. Me not letting my life story go is actually delaying me CTBing with peace that I need. Please help me. I think I secretly want someone to tell me NO ONE CARES about it, so I can let it go, but just be honest. Do I need to accept the fact that my horrible life story is not worth anything to normal people, and I need to allow myself to CTB having peace with that?

It absolutely IS worth telling. If you don't want to post it here, please PM it to me -- I'd be delighted and interested in reading it. You do have worth, and you do have value. You matter.

 

[Storyteller]

You can tell your story if you feel comfortable talking about it. Unlike many places, the most terrible aspects of life are accepted here and I feel there is not so much condemnation or discomfort here than when talking to ordinary people. They are not used to dealing with such things, unlike members of this site. At least you'll be heard.

 

[Sulyya]

If I can accept that just posting on this site is enough, then it can allow me to CTB this summer, and put an end to this torture. It's just a shame that this evil woman got more then she ever could dream of when it came to destroying me, she actually used me to gain sympathy and will do so after my death.

If there's any chance for you to build a positive life, in spite of her (not TO spite her, but yknow), then try to do so. I know you said that your motivation is almost gone. Maybe writing out your story could inspire you to continue it but doing good for others and yourself?

Corny suggestion maybe but

 

[PurpleParadigm]

Honestly I'd stay alive jusat to spite her. Esp. as she grows older and more frail.

 

[inviro04]

hey, please believe, at leasg one person minimum will read it, i also just went for it and told story roughly yesterday on this pattform and reading people acknowledging it helps, who knows maybe it will also make you feel a tiny bit better


go for it lots of love man

 

[Little_Suzy]

I firmly believe that you pay dust to abusive narcissists! After making my life a hellish hole, the last thing someone would ever get from me is such lavish attention. If you know you're going to die soon, it makes sense to fill your days with joy and celebration. Get a credit card and run away from that evil woman as fast as you can. The ultimate revenge is for your haters to see you happy!


ETA: Someone revived your thread, and when I commented today, I failed to notice that it was six weeks old. Can I ask whether you ever finished your story? Is it available on SaSu for viewing? @Why Me?

 

[leavingsoon99]

I'm certainly sorry for your experience. Wow. That said, it's up to you if you want to tell it. You may find a reason not to ctb in doing so. I wish you the best, in whatever you decide.

 

[Why Me?]

I firmly believe that you pay dust to abusive narcissists! After making my life a hellish hole, the last thing someone would ever get from me is such lavish attention. If you know you're going to die soon, it makes sense to fill your days with joy and celebration. Get a credit card and run away from that evil woman as fast as you can. The ultimate revenge is for your haters to see you happy!


ETA: Someone revived your thread, and when I commented today, I failed to notice that it was six weeks old. Can I ask whether you ever finished your story? Is it available on SaSu for viewing? @Why Me?

No, I have not finished my story. I'm struggling with these tasks. I have never made a Youtube video before and I wanted to make a couple, but once again it seems I have given myself an overwhelming project. I hate my voice, and I think me & my life are so pathetic, but I need to hurry up. I'm hoping within the next few days, nor longer than the next week, I will have my videos finished.

 

[Why Me?]

I firmly believe that you pay dust to abusive narcissists! After making my life a hellish hole, the last thing someone would ever get from me is such lavish attention. If you know you're going to die soon, it makes sense to fill your days with joy and celebration. Get a credit card and run away from that evil woman as fast as you can. The ultimate revenge is for your haters to see you happy!


ETA: Someone revived your thread, and when I commented today, I failed to notice that it was six weeks old. Can I ask whether you ever finished your story? Is it available on SaSu for viewing? @Why Me?

I just sent it to you privately.

It absolutely IS worth telling. If you don't want to post it here, please PM it to me -- I'd be delighted and interested in reading it. You do have worth, and you do have value. You matter.

I just sent it to you privately.

It sounds like it's worth telling to me

I sent it to you privately

Sorry to hear this, it's a common theme here. I had a great upbringing and my mum did it all. It's hard to comprehend what you have gone through

I sent it to you privately.

Part of me wishes everyone could somehow leave at least a short autobiography.
Even if you only post it on the site, that's something.

I sent it to you privately

Honestly I'd stay alive jusat to spite her. Esp. as she grows older and more frail.

I sent it to you privately

hey, please believe, at leasg one person minimum will read it, i also just went for it and told story roughly yesterday on this pattform and reading people acknowledging it helps, who knows maybe it will also make you feel a tiny bit better


go for it lots of love man

I sent it to you privately

I'm certainly sorry for your experience. Wow. That said, it's up to you if you want to tell it. You may find a reason not to ctb in doing so. I wish you the best, in whatever you decide.

I sent it to you privately

 

[▪︎⚠ ＫＯＨＩ ⚠▪︎]

I think it's worth telling, I dunno how to say this but maybe it can help you get some weight out of your chest (I hope I said it correctly).
You deserve peace girl/dude.

If you get to publish your story I'll recieve it in the most welcoming way possible.
I can't believe how you mother could be such a selfish person. I would swear but can't find enough worlds for that nasty woman.

 

[Why Me?]

I think it's worth telling, I dunno how to say this but maybe it can help you get some weight out of your chest (I hope I said it correctly).
You deserve peace girl/dude.

If you get to publish your story I'll recieve it in the most welcoming way possible.
I can't believe how you mother could be such a selfish person. I would swear but can't find enough worlds for that nasty woman.

I sent it to yo privately

 

[GreenBanana23]

I would certainly read your life story

 

[Why Me?]

I would certainly read your life story

I sent you it privately

 

[ToTheTwillight]

Hey @Why Me? ,

Normally I don't read stories this long, but yours in particularly caught my attention and it was intriguing to me in a way that I sympathize with you, really sorry for what you been through man.

I have a lot to say but want to keep it brief here, I feel you are old enough to know that many people out there in the world really do not care as you said, but there are those who experienced hardship like yourself and this community who feel for you. May sound brutal, but that's the honesty you prefer to hear so I push for you.

Anyways I'd be happy to chat privately, send me a message one of these days, my story is somewhat relatable to you. Thou it wasn't my mother that was abusive, but the one my father remarried to, as my parents divorced when i was 4. I posted about it here if you want to read, there is the short version too:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/its-time-planning-to-ctb-tomorrow.123869/#post-2066407

 

[Why Me?]

Hey @Why Me? ,

Normally I don't read stories this long, but yours in particularly caught my attention and it was intriguing to me in a way that I sympathize with you, really sorry for what you been through man.

I have a lot to say but want to keep it brief here, I feel you are old enough to know that many people out there in the world really do not care as you said, but there are those who experienced hardship like yourself and this community who feel for you. May sound brutal, but that's the honesty you prefer to hear so I push for you.

Anyways I'd be happy to chat privately, send me a message one of these days, my story is somewhat relatable to you. Thou it wasn't my mother that was abusive, but the one my father remarried to, as my parents divorced when i was 4. I posted about it here if you want to read, there is the short version too:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/its-time-planning-to-ctb-tomorrow.123869/#post-2066407

I sent my full story to you privately and I will read yours. Thanks for sharing.