Is my brother a bad person?

[Water-Lily]

My younger brother and I used to be very close as children. We are 7 years apart (I'm 23 and he is 15) and used to be close. Though we had our sibling squabbles, we would always be bff's at the end of the day. I would also step in to protect him from my mom and dad's abuse. I would act like a buffer even to the detriment of my own mental health. However, especially after our abusive mom died 2 years ago, he changed. A lot. From a respectful kid who always did his work and liked spending time with his big sis, he turned into another version of my mom. Being verbally and physically abusive to me and my dad. Though he hasn't hurt me physically since last year, he is always beating my dad. It sucks.

In an attempt to take care of my mental health I have distanced myself from him. I find that he goes out of his way to be nice. Though I don't know how genuine this is, I do appreciate it. I still act distant for my own safety but I now feel so conflicted. I love my brother and I want us to be close again. But at the same time I don't think that can happen considering his abusive behaviors. I am just sad and wishing things were normal. I just love my brother guys.

 

[Ghost2211]

Why is your dad tolerating his child abusing him instead of getting him help? He's too young to be a "bad person". He just needs mental health support.

 

[Water-Lily]

Why is your dad tolerating his child abusing him instead of getting him help? He's too young to be a "bad person". He just needs mental health support.

my dad did try to get him help at one point. He contacted our primary doctor to get a referral for a therapist but heard back nothing. I even got him to talk to my therapist and she said at most he'd be on a waiting list due to COVID. So its kind of rough I guess

 

[Ghost2211]

my dad did try to get him help at one point. He contacted our primary doctor to get a referral for a therapist but heard back nothing. I even got him to talk to my therapist and she said at most he'd be on a waiting list due to COVID. So its kind of rough I guess

All I can really say to that is your dad needs to push harder for services, and call more places. If the issue isn't resolving on it's own it could get worse. Your dad is not only doing himself and you, but also your brother a disservice if he resigns himself to allowing pathology to develop. Would your dad be more motivated if you gather resources and put a list in front of him?

 

[Water-Lily]

All I can really say to that is your dad needs to push harder for services, and call more places. If the issue isn't resolving on it's own it could get worse. Your dad is not only doing himself and you, but also your brother a disservice if he resigns himself to allowing pathology to develop. Would your dad be more motivated if you gather resources and put a list in front of him?

I showed him a number my therapist suggested and he seemed willing but never did anything about it. I don't know what else to tell him to get him to do something. He is like a chronic enabler
I think I will have to have an honest talk with my father when he gets home from work. Letting him know that I am tired. that we are altered and someone needs to take action. I am not going to take on that burden and that as a parent he needs to do something. If not he will have to be satisfied with walking on eggshells for years

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry to hear your dealing with all this. Hopefully you're able to get through to your dad. It's awesome you're speaking your mind to him, and advocating for yourself.

 

[Water-Lily]

Sorry to hear your dealing with all this. Hopefully you're able to get through to your dad. It's awesome you're speaking your mind to him, and advocating for yourself.

Thank you! In general we have been talking more openly. He actually admitted low-key that he struggled to stand up for me when my mom was abusing me solely out of fear of her hurting him. Not that its an excuse but shows he is heavily flawed with this stuff