is meds worth it

[hhh_]

i'm going to the doctor again sometime this week and i'm not excited and i'm mostly dreading it, but after that whole breakdown i had the other night i've seriously just been considering ctb to get this all over with because honestly im TIRED of trying and i hate that people think i dont try, or force myself to go through with future appointments and go back on meds again which either way, was pretty shit but i can see how my mental health affects my bf and i feel like i'm obligated to get better, even if i feel like dying most days. he's my everything it's just im tired of trying and i know that if i get bad itll affect him too but its not something i can just get over its been with me since forever.

i used to go to checkups weekly back in middle school-freshman due to severe anorexia, and prior to that i tried to ctb back in 7th, and my friend told my mom everything so i was put into an eating disorder program referred from my teachers. it didn't help at all and i dreaded each time but eventually i just got over my anorexia myself because by the time i reached high school i saw how beautiful other girls bodies were and basically went from trying to maintain skinny to absolutely hating it. i consider myself recovered but i'm still not exactly at their goal weight and i hate going there for that exact reason.

obviously it's an ed program so they help with eds and nowadays i struggle with my depression and anxiety and each time i come in i talk about how terrible i feel and each and every time they would go on and say "maybe youre not eating enough!" "youre feeling tired because youre underweight" and it's so frustrating because i've worked hard to recover from ed on my own, i eat three meals a day plus snacks, sometimes several servings during those meals and still can barely gain weight.

i dont know if going on meds is worth it or if i should ctb because im exhausted, already been looking through methods, and have had attempts in the past, but nothing's available, and middle school me was stupid so my family, teachers, are aware and all meds has ever done is made me feel like nothing, the sadness is gone but so is every other emotion, so then what???? would i have to live life emotionless just to not be suicidal. i'd rather die. and of course i can't say i'm suicidal otherwise i'll be sent to inpatient. i feel like either way is a dead end.

 

[Death is my goal]

you can take it and try, if it doesn't work then the other option will always be available

 

[Kerrtu]

obviously it's an ed program so they help with eds and nowadays i struggle with my depression and anxiety and each time i come in i talk about how terrible i feel and each and every time they would go on and say "maybe youre not eating enough!" "youre feeling tired because youre underweight" and it's so frustrating because i've worked hard to recover from ed on my own, i eat three meals a day plus snacks, sometimes several servings during those meals and still can barely gain weight.

That's extremely insensitive to be told how you feel is because of your eating. Yes, it's an ED program but jeeze, they need to update.

Insensitive and so frustrating.

 

[hhh_]

That's extremely insensitive to be told how you feel is because of your eating. Yes, it's an ED program but jeeze, they need to update.

Insensitive and so frustrating.

yeah ive been told countless of times during recovery that once my weight goes up my mood will too, but i'm already at a pretty steady weight and it's just as hard :/

 

[hopeless302]

i'm going to the doctor again sometime this week and i'm not excited and i'm mostly dreading it, but after that whole breakdown i had the other night i've seriously just been considering ctb to get this all over with because honestly im TIRED of trying and i hate that people think i dont try, or force myself to go through with future appointments and go back on meds again which either way, was pretty shit but i can see how my mental health affects my bf and i feel like i'm obligated to get better, even if i feel like dying most days. he's my everything it's just im tired of trying and i know that if i get bad itll affect him too but its not something i can just get over its been with me since forever.

i used to go to checkups weekly back in middle school-freshman due to severe anorexia, and prior to that i tried to ctb back in 7th, and my friend told my mom everything so i was put into an eating disorder program referred from my teachers. it didn't help at all and i dreaded each time but eventually i just got over my anorexia myself because by the time i reached high school i saw how beautiful other girls bodies were and basically went from trying to maintain skinny to absolutely hating it. i consider myself recovered but i'm still not exactly at their goal weight and i hate going there for that exact reason.

obviously it's an ed program so they help with eds and nowadays i struggle with my depression and anxiety and each time i come in i talk about how terrible i feel and each and every time they would go on and say "maybe youre not eating enough!" "youre feeling tired because youre underweight" and it's so frustrating because i've worked hard to recover from ed on my own, i eat three meals a day plus snacks, sometimes several servings during those meals and still can barely gain weight.

i dont know if going on meds is worth it or if i should ctb because im exhausted, already been looking through methods, and have had attempts in the past, but nothing's available, and middle school me was stupid so my family, teachers, are aware and all meds has ever done is made me feel like nothing, the sadness is gone but so is every other emotion, so then what???? would i have to live life emotionless just to not be suicidal. i'd rather die. and of course i can't say i'm suicidal otherwise i'll be sent to inpatient. i feel like either way is a dead end.

hey, congrats on trying to combat the ED on your own. I'm sure that took a lot of strength, courage and effort. Some people's metabolism makes it hard for them to gain weight, even if they increase the amount of food they eat. So it's probably not even your fault, and the doctors should definitely be more sensitive when talking to you. That being said, I hope that you can keep up the good work and keep eating healthy.

Additionally, I truly hope you don't CTB... and please try to take the meds. I know it's tiring, repetitive and it feels pointless, but still... Sometimes it's hard to get better, and it takes many attempts and failures before things start going your way. It's not uncommon to feel emotionless when on certain medications, and I wish I knew what to advise, but surrounding yourself with people you care about like your bf, family and others you care about can at least offer some comfort.

 

[Kerrtu]

yeah ive been told countless of times during recovery that once my weight goes up my mood will too, but i'm already at a pretty steady weight and it's just as hard :/

I'm no expert though I did struggle with disordered eating for many years. Regarding meds, I'd avoid if you can. Considering your body, what you've been through, there are many other ways to feel better than the standard psych medications.

Have you ever come across Kimberly Snyder's work?

 

[hhh_]

I'm no expert though I did struggle with disordered eating for many years. Regarding meds, I'd avoid if you can. Considering your body, what you've been through, there are many other ways to feel better than the standard psych medications.

Have you ever come across Kimberly Snyder's work?

i've never heard of her no

 

[Kerrtu]

i've never heard of her no

It's been a while since I read her first book; I like her approach to eating and wellness. I struggled for many years trying to figure out how to maintain a healthy weight and be more patient with myself. Snyder has some great recipes, she isn't a calorie counter, and isn't GOOPy at all.

If I remember correctly, Snyder had eating disorders before she radically changed her life and is now a nutritionist, author, etc., has kids.

Her recipes made me feel good - this was before I was ever on any type of psych medication. The meds I'm on now, I know they're just destroying me inside. I'm grateful to have klonopin but everything else - blah.

Snyders first book can be bought for around $5, used in good condition, on Amazon.

(all of her books are on Amazon)

 

[Quinnalyn]

They were worth it for me I have bipolar 1 anxiety and ADHD

 

[90starve]

yeah ive been told countless of times during recovery that once my weight goes up my mood will too, but i'm already at a pretty steady weight and it's just as hard :/

i was told this by doctors too! the two don't always correlate!! it made me so frustrated to sit and listen to :/