Discussion Is life worth living if you're a minority and unattractive?

[nigelhernandez]

I realize this is a subjective question that no one can answer but I'm trying to see if others face similar issues in regards to being suicidal. Basically, I hate my appearance. I was bullied in secondary school for having huge protruding incisors along with having extremely dark skin. I've also faced being called the n word many times where I live and even got followed three times in a store.

Those aren't the only issue but one of many major ones. I really get tired of people telling me to be a "strong black person", no I never asked for this and shouldn't have to accept it. I'm not going to life for any stupid ideals that people may have. I'm hoping one day to save up enough money and lighten my skin with hydroquinone, mercury, kojic acid etc.. and maybe that might alleviate my problems socially.

The other thing that I struggle with is dating. I'm 21 and never even kissed a girl. I have low confidence and this isn't helped by my Aspergers.

So with all this in mind, would you end your life if you were me?

 

[Biggie]

I'm so sorry that you have experience such vile hate crimes. Know that you are perfect and beautiful the way you are. Trust me, the people that have racially abused you are the scum in this society and are a minority who's opinions and views don't mean shit. Unless it's a decision you are making for YOU (and not to please other people), please do consider not lightening your skin - fuck society. Even if you were to do that, as much as I hate to say it, it would just find something else about you to target.

One thing you will notice on this forum is that we are all from different backgounds and that regardless of our differing ages, ethnicities, nationalities, genders, sexual orientations, races etc., - we all have at least one thing in common; pain and suffering. None of that matters here, and I wish I could say the same for in the wider society, but this is a safe space and we are all here for you. Take a look at the platform user survey, it shows some interesting statistics of active users and their backgrounds. You may be surprised by the survey results.

Pain and suffering is blind and doesn't care about who the victim is or what they look like.

Nobody apart from yourself knows exactly what it's like to walk in your shoes, so it would be impossible to judge you or make a decision of ending your life. But what I can say is many of us have experienced suffering in both very similar and disimilar ways and use this platform with its great community to help us cope and get through, whatever we wish our final destination to be.

Feel free to message me at any time if you'd like to chat.

Sending peace and love

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hi love..well first, your question is def subjective, since while looks may b very impt to u, they may not b as critical of a determinant to ctb to someone else. Also, we r always our worst critic so u believing ur unattractive, may not b how others perceive u..

As far as ur complexion, based on the results I have seen of persons lightening their skin thru hydroquinone n other skin lightening methods, I would NEVER recommend it..I have clients who have done so and their faces have been permanently destroyed, leaving them even more self-conscious n full of self-loathing.

Consider dental work and extracting the protruding incisors, getting braces..?
I have seen ppl who were made fun of in elementary school for their looks, turn out to b gorgeous later in life, so...

When this virus is over n things have returned to "normal", make it ur goal to go out on a date n kiss a girl.

NOW my handsome, dark chocolate brother, love and embrace your beautiful BLACK skin!!

 

[bpdandme]

I am so sorry for the racist abuse you've endured, I truly believe racism is a mental illness and is a disgrace to society. Please do not be ashamed of your heritage, other people should be ashamed of themselves for having such narrow minded and hurtful views. I don't think changing your skin colour would change anything in your life, instead I think you need to change the people around you who have made you feel like you are inferior for having darker skin. There is nothing wrong with your ethnicity, your dating life or the fact you have Aspergers. I know some one who is extremely handsome and very kind, he has also never kissed anyone and he is 23 - he is also an ethnic minority. He does not put himself out there at all due to fear of rejection, little does he know I doubt he would be rejected. And even if he is rejected, that does not make him less of a person. Your worth is not detrimental to your dating life. To date someone, you need to be happy with yourself first or you'll always rely on others to make yourself feel whole and rely on them for validation.

I think you should look into minority literature, books and songs. Be proud of what you have came from and do not change your skin colour, if you do lighten your skin you are only giving them horrible people what they want. I repeat, they are the issue not your skin colour.


Below are two artists from the UK, first one does spoken poetry about living life as a minority and it's extremely powerful. He is extremely successful in the UK!



Second, is seen as extremely attractive here in the UK and is a massive influential figure. Someone who has defeated odds, being a minority and being raised on a council estate to being one of the biggest stars in the UK.



I hope you can find inspiration from these people who have embraced themselves for who they are and proud of their roots. I hope you find peace within yourself and realise that you are not the problem, racism and ignorance is the problem.

 

[nigelhernandez]

Just curious, why do you think skin lightening won't help. The reason I want to lighten my skin is to appear more attractive to women as some have said they won't really date a black guy.

 

[Mr2005]

I realize this is a subjective question that no one can answer but I'm trying to see if others face similar issues in regards to being suicidal. Basically, I hate my appearance. I was bullied in secondary school for having huge protruding incisors along with having extremely dark skin. I've also faced being called the n word many times where I live and even got followed three times in a store.

Those aren't the only issue but one of many major ones. I really get tired of people telling me to be a "strong black person", no I never asked for this and shouldn't have to accept it. I'm not going to life for any stupid ideals that people may have. I'm hoping one day to save up enough money and lighten my skin with hydroquinone, mercury, kojic acid etc.. and maybe that might alleviate my problems socially.

The other thing that I struggle with is dating. I'm 21 and never even kissed a girl. I have low confidence and this isn't helped by my Aspergers.

So with all this in mind, would you end your life if you were me?

No it would be a change of pace. Shame we can't swap for a day. It would do us all some good. Not least of which the ones bullying you. I wonder what's going on with them? I'm not saying you should care. There's no excuse for that behaviour but their problems not really you.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Just curious, why do you think skin lightening won't help. The reason I want to lighten my skin is to appear more attractive to women as some have said they won't really date a black guy.

1) Skin lightening almost NEVER looks natural

2) Some persons also have had very adverse reactions to the chemicals n have had their skin literally burnt, red, and peeling, like burnt with acid..

3) U will have to AVOID the sun like COVID-19 once u start bleaching ur skin, since it will become extremely sensitive to UV rays..

4) Once u discontinue using bleaching creams, ur skin may return darker than before, but not a "nice" dark..most have irreparable damage..

** Of course there will b females who will say they wouldnt date u. U will not b attractive to EVERYONE! That's just life. BUT, there will b many women who will find u attractive n date u..

If u were to adjust ur complexion based on "what women want", u will b bleaching,.. then tanning..back n forth.. for the rest of ur life..

 

[Vault of Memories]

Just curious, why do you think skin lightening won't help. The reason I want to lighten my skin is to appear more attractive to women as some have said they won't really date a black guy.

I'm sorry you've endured so many insults regarding the color of your skin that you feel the need to change alter it. I'm Caucasian so I can't really relate to your question about being a minority and the constant slurs you've endured. As far as lightening, ultimately that's your decision, but I don't think you should feel so uncomfortable in your skin that you feel the need to change it to please others. I've found beauty in all skin tones and it's hypocritical for me to say, as I have trouble being comfortable in my own skin, but I hope you can find confidence in who you are. Again, this isn't a topic I can necessary relate to and it is your decision. If you do it do it because you want to, not because some racist assholes make you feel like you should.

 

[rebelsue]

This post makes me so sad. I hate humanity. People are so awful to each other for no good reason at all.

If I were you I'd say alive just to spite the bastards, but I know how that can feel. I can't tell you to please not change yourself because I haven't lived a day in your shoes. I'm a middle aged woman and my face has started to sag and I think all the time about getting plastic surgery so I look like I did in my 20s so that people treat me better. It's a similar, though not the same, kind of pain. I have thought about killing myself over this, but I have realized that there are much better reasons to kill yourself than physical appearance. There is always someone out there who will like you for you -- there are a ton of fucking people in this world. It is never worth mutilating your body ... not for shitheads who bully you.

All I can say is that I'm sorry humanity sucks and you should not have to change yourself to be loved and accepted and to deserve life. I mean...it goes without saying I think. Or at least you'd hope it doesn't have to be said. Apparently it does. Anyway, I wish there was more I could do to make humanity suck less.

Please know that you are valuable just for being you. You didn't choose your skin color or teeth or how people treat you. You can't control any of that. That is why you have value -- you were just born into this world and before you ever did a single thing, you mattered. Before you grew up and went through puberty and developed any of these traits you think makes your life not worth living -- you already had value. And you still do. Nobody can take that from you.

 

[bpdandme]

Just curious, why do you think skin lightening won't help. The reason I want to lighten my skin is to appear more attractive to women as some have said they won't really date a black guy.

Why would you want to date a racist person who wouldn't want to date black people? Why are you changing yourself for these horrible people?
There are many attractive people from a range of backgrounds. Being black is NOT unattractive and you shouldn't try to satisfy the ignorant people who believe that by changing your skin colour. Don't erase your ethnicity, minorities have been repressed enough and defeated many odds. I hope you find someone who isn't a racist and loves you and embraces you. Please look at the people you are trying to please, they are not good people and want to suppress minorities. You should aspire to be with people who are open minded, happy with who they are and aren't racist. Don't give in to societies "ideals" because they are wrong. Please don't give suppressors power by lightening your skin. People who start having plastic surgery are still never happy, they think it'll change their life but there is deep rooted insecurity which can only be overcome by changing their views on life rather than the way they look. Physical appearance will not make you happy and it will just make you chase for more ways to change yourself.

 

[rebelsue]

Why would you want to date a racist person who wouldn't want to date black people? Why are you changing yourself for these horrible people?
There are many attractive people from a range of backgrounds. Being black is NOT unattractive and you shouldn't try to satisfy the ignorant people who believe that by changing your skin colour. Don't erase your ethnicity, minorities have been repressed enough and defeated many odds. I hope you find someone who isn't a racist and loves you and embraces you. Please look at the people you are trying to please, they are not good people and want to suppress minorities. You should aspire to be with people who are open minded, happy with who they are and aren't racist. Don't give in to societies "ideals" because they are wrong. Please don't give suppressors power by lightening your skin. People who start having plastic surgery are still never happy, they think it'll change their life but there is deep rooted insecurity which can only be overcome by changing their views on life rather than the way they look. Physical appearance will not make you happy and it will just make you chase for more ways to change yourself.

I agree with this so much. Why date a racist asshole? Lots of women date black guys, as evidenced by all the black dudes with wives, girlfriends, and children.

aaaahhh i hate humanity so very much though...nobody should have to have this dilemma in their minds about life vs. skin lightening. I mean what the fuck, humans? Stop this!

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Hi Im Black & my answer is no its not worth it. Im.black & female & Im a double minority.... Im okay looking but not drop dead gorgeous enough to beat out being overweight due to eating disorder & bpd.... so yeah ... fuck all that STRONG BLACK PEOPLE shit... no one would say that if we weren't living under racism.... sure many minorites make it out there, but many don't..... colorism affects all people of color.... In India, Africa & Latin Anerica women bleach thier skin & the lighest of the brown races get preference... its gonna take many generations for the effects of colonialism to go away ... but if I ever hear a monority saying life & worth it and they want to check out, I understand....

 

[bpdandme]

I agree with this so much. Why date a racist asshole? Lots of women date black guys, as evidenced by all the black dudes with wives, girlfriends, and children.

aaaahhh i hate humanity so very much though...nobody should have to have this dilemma in their minds about life vs. skin lightening. I mean what the fuck, humans? Stop this!

I hate humanity too, we are plagued with hatred. It's so sad. Here if you need someone to vent to, I often get upset about society and humanity and understand your frustration!

 

[rebelsue]

I hate humanity too, we are plagued with hatred. It's so sad. Here if you need someone to vent to, I often get upset about society and humanity and understand your frustration!

Same to you. Message me any time. I am very lonely and feel stifled because I can't be honest about who i am.

 

[262653]

Aspergers.

I just realized that the notion of a black person with Aspergers had never crossed my mind before.

So with all this in mind, would you end your life if you were me?

I think that the question is inappropriate because it's a yes/no question where one of the answers could be viewed as an encouragement, which is kind of prohibited here.

 

[bpdandme]

I just realized that the notion of a black person with Aspergers had never crossed my mind before.

strange thing to say

 

[Lostandfound7]

I just realized that the notion of a black person with Aspergers had never crossed my mind before.

Yeahhhhhhh, I'm not quite sure how to interpret this..

 

[262653]

strange thing to say

Agree. I never heard anyone say this before. Not that I thought that black Asperger people don't exist. I just never thought about it.

Yeahhhhhhh, I'm not sure how to take this..

Don't get me wrong, I'm not implicitly saying anything disparaging here, not intentionally at least, but of course you'd never know for sure...

 

[Epsilon0]

It may be that @Burzolog comes from a country where there is only one predominant ethnicity.

That's how his/her comment reads to me anyway.

 

[bpdandme]

Agree. I never heard anyone say this before. Not that I thought that black Asperger people don't exist. I just never thought about it.



Don't get me wrong, I'm not implicitly saying anything disparaging here, not intentionally at least, but of course you'd never know for sure...

Maybe think what you say or how you say it on a sensitive subject like this, it can come across as dehumanising black people. Any person can have a disability, the thought of race should not come into it. Disabilities do not discriminate. Please at least think of the implications, there was no need to say what you said? Anyone is capable of experiencing Aspergers, see people as people not a type of person.

 

[262653]

@Epsilon0
I'm from Ukraine and yes, mostly slavic people here. (Whites.)

Maybe think what you say or how you say it on a sensitive subject like this, it can come across as dehumanising black people. Any person can have a disability, the thought of race should not come into it. Disabilities do not discriminate. Please at least think of the implications, there was no need to say what you said? Anyone is capable of experiencing Aspergers, see people as people not a type of person.

No, there probably was no need saying that. That is, nothing the author could possible benefit from, other than getting amused like I did... Ok I don't see the possibility of this really happening. I guess you may say that my comment doesn't bring any valuable information or emotional support, and that it was inconsiderate on my part to voice the observations that could be taken as an insult.

I don't know much about Aspergers and I don't recall myself ever being diagnosed by psychiatry, but based on my observations of people who claim to have Aspergers we do share a lot of similarities.

I think it would be worth noting that I'm half black myself, and in comparison with the local fauna I do look black. I did get bullied too because of that and even got a few death treats

 

[bpdandme]

@Epsilon0
I'm from Ukraine and yes, mostly slavic people here. (Whites.)



No, there probably was no need saying that. That is, nothing the author could possible benefit from, other than getting amused like I did... Ok I don't see the possibility of this really happening. I guess you may say that my comment doesn't bring any valuable information or emotional support, and that it was inconsiderate on my part to voice the observations that could be taken as an insult.

I don't know much about Aspergers and I don't recall myself ever being diagnosed by psychiatry, but based on my observations of people who claim to have Aspergers we do share a lot of similarities.

I think it would be worth noting that I'm half black myself, and in comparison with the local fauna I do look black. I did get bullied too because of that and even got a few death treats

Wasn't saying it to criticise you it was just for perspective, on a post where someone is suicidal over racism it probably wasn't a good time for it. But who knows, the author may of found it amusing like you did. Sorry you have also endured racist abuse!

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

I realize this is a subjective question that no one can answer but I'm trying to see if others face similar issues in regards to being suicidal. Basically, I hate my appearance. I was bullied in secondary school for having huge protruding incisors along with having extremely dark skin. I've also faced being called the n word many times where I live and even got followed three times in a store.

Those aren't the only issue but one of many major ones. I really get tired of people telling me to be a "strong black person", no I never asked for this and shouldn't have to accept it. I'm not going to life for any stupid ideals that people may have. I'm hoping one day to save up enough money and lighten my skin with hydroquinone, mercury, kojic acid etc.. and maybe that might alleviate my problems socially.

The other thing that I struggle with is dating. I'm 21 and never even kissed a girl. I have low confidence and this isn't helped by my Aspergers.

So with all this in mind, would you end your life if you were me?

And what have those "strong black woman/man" accomplished exactly? Would you be happy being in their position? No, right? I have kind of the same issue you have, I hate my race, and some days even my gender. We just have to live with it, is the worst advice I have come across. Think of it, what ever you do or accomplish, you will still be judged by those jealous people who only see your race. There is no possible scenario where you win.

 

[Biggie]

Just curious, why do you think skin lightening won't help. The reason I want to lighten my skin is to appear more attractive to women as some have said they won't really date a black guy.

Brother, those women are NOT the kind of women you want to date anyway. You've dodged a bullet there, you deserve so much better than that believe me.

There are 3.8 billion women on this earth, there is someone for everybody out there. When you find her, all the wait will be worth it. These things always happen when you least expect it. I know it feels like a lot to handle right now, but try not to overthink it

 

[s1mplem3]

That's definitely not because you're black. I'm white and haven't kissed a woman too. Society sucks.

 

[Read123456788]

I'm a white female and never experienced any sort of racist behavior so I can't begin to say I know what it feels like but Don't let that be the reason for ending your life. If needs be move away from the area. Stand proud for your history for you. There is someone for everyone out there and your skin colour should have no restrictions and if it is then it's those people that are messed up not you. I know it's easier said than done. Wish you peace xx