Is it wrong to say im jealous of those who have succeded?

[Yozo_oba]

A girl hung herself in a park near me and I just feel jealous of her for being able to do it, to find peace, all while im still here being too afraid to CTB. Im glad she can finally find peace but I cant help feeling sort of envious, and i feel bad about it. She was suffering and it feels like my jealousy is just mocking her struggles.

So as the title says, is it wrong to say im jealous of people who have comitted?
And does anyone else feel like this?

 

[CentreMid]

I don't think it's inherently wrong to feel jealous of those who have passed on. It's only natural to feel that way when somebody else has achieved what you also want to achieve before you. Even I get a little envious! Not saying you're doing this, this is just a reminder in general, but just don't let it consume you.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

There is such a huge leap between thinking about it and doing it. I knew a girl who did it, and her success honestly blows my mind at times. I can't say I feel jealous, although I completely understand where you're coming from; but I do feel a sense of astonishment as the act is so psychologically difficult to carry out. She was always more headstrong than me. Type A. That's probably what lead to her success. Looking at her life though, she was 19 and had an ed, and a part of me feels that if she had sought intensive ed treatment and held out a little while longer before ctb, things *might* have improved. Food for thought. All I can do is wonder.
But I hear you and I understand your pain<3

 

[jonghyun]

Yeah, i know its incorrect, but in my mind it sort of translates to 'they did it because they were suffering more than me' which makes me invalidate my own feelings. Its like, 'you cant CTB because you obviously aren't in enough psychological pain like everyone else who did it'. So I guess i'm waiting for the day when the pain is too much and i forget what keeps me here and no longer fear death..

 

[Forever Sleep]

No- I think you're just envious of the peace they now have. I think that's natural.

I suppose we can all be a bit envious of one another's traits/ histories. Some people seem to have less fear when it comes to actually doing it- but perhaps they still had it but just overcame it. I'm actually pretty envious of aetheists who are 100% sure in their non belief. It's got to be nice to not fear the possibility of hell or an afterlife.

Still- you don't sound insensitive- it's not like you don't feel bad for the circustances that lead them to that point.

To be honest- there's a part of me that envies anyone who dies. Just that they don't have to deal with life anymore. There's no more potential for them to suffer.

 

[boblong]

I personally envy america's easy access to guns .

 

[FuneralCry]

It could never be wrong to feel in such a way no matter what. I certainly envy those who suceeded, I envy the courage and determination of those who managed to end their existences with methods like hanging, those people managed to free themselves from a world filled with endless agony and prevented decades of futile and meaningless suffering, they certainly are to be admired.

To me existence is an undesirable burden, to exist means to be a slave, a slave to suffering, a slave to our needs so therefore suicide is self care. To leave this world solves every problem and causes us to forget everything, in fact I see beauty in returning to the ideal state of nonexistence. I could only ever envy those who no longer exist, as to me nobody who is trapped in this harmful world with the ability to suffer so extremely could ever be fortunate.

 

[outrider567]

No, I feel envious of them--They're at peace, while I'm still horribly depressed, still getting tears in my eyes every single day last 16 months

 

[juraviel]

no but aren't you more jealous of people that, you know.. are happy.

 

[OceanBlue]

It makes me sad that they suffered and relieved that they managed to end it. The methods are often so cruel, makes me hate the pro-suffering crowd who will never answer for this.

So, a mix of sadness, relief, and anger.

 

[peaceindeath]

Me too. The process is horrible, but they've crossed hell to reach the peaceful heaven.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

no but aren't you more jealous of people that, you know.. are happy.

obv I'm not the OP but YES

 

[silent star]

I feel embarrassed by feeling this way but yes

 

[leavingsoon99]

I do, sometimes, feel jealous of people who carry their termination out successfully. But, it's also encouraging. If they can do it, so can I.

I personally envy america's easy access to guns .

That is a saving grace of being in this country. It also depends on which state, too. Some states have weird gun laws. Others... just like walking in and buying a bag of chips. I'm happy I'm not wrestling with SN and other overdose ideas. That just seems frustrating and tiring.

 

[rachelo]

I'm pissed they didn't leave detailed instructions for their success strategies

 

[Kta1994]

Im jealous of people that ctb by N

 

[Skyyyfarer 26]

You're not alone with this feeling
Whenever I heard someone has ctb or died peacefully in their sleep i have felt envious but at the same time I feel really guilty for doing so
I wish I wasn't so scared of having an unsuccessful attempt and all the consequences it brings like becoming a vegetable and not physically being able to ctb
I really wish there was a foolproof painless way to go instead of being miserable