Help Is it worth it to write a letter?

[icantwait_togo]

I've heard many people say, "If you have a letter to write, you have a reason to stay," which I personally believe is false. I feel pressured to write a letter. People expect letters.

I have not yet written one, and I don't really want to, but I feel pressured to. I don't think that a letter actually helps whoever it is written to because how can years or even a lifetime of knowing someone be put into a few words? How can forced sorrys and goodbyes help relieve the pain someone may be feeling from a permanent loss? At least for me, they would be forced. I do not love my parents, I hate them. I do not owe them a letter, but my mind is telling me I do.

I would like some people's opinions on suicide letters, from those who are planning to write them and those who aren't going to. I think I'm just overthinking, because the concept of a final goodbye seems nice, but honestly I don't have the words to put into a letter. I tried to write a letter a few times, one just turned into an incredibly harsh and rude nasty letter for my parents, and the other I literally used ChatGPT to help me because I just didn't know what to say.

Is it true that if you have a letter to write, you have a reason to stay?

 

[Afterglow]

Honestly...

Having a friend and a loved one's suicide with and without a letter.

I think it was personally easier for me to recover with no letter.

 

[sanctionedusage]

holy shit that quote would make so many people feel even worse. who comes up with this trash?

i'm not going to write a letter. for me, it'd be performative and only solidify the fact that everything i can say in real life will fall on deaf ears until something catastrophic enough happens to finally sink in for the people listening.

i can also imagine a person that's actually worth a letter would read it over and obsess over it endlessly, remembering those words like a code to decrypt more than the time they actually had with you. but some of the begrieved might find it sort of like closure, and so might the victims of ctb as well.

but please don't use chat gpt lol, i think that's pretty concrete evidence in itself of how ineffective a letter would be for you. maybe final acts or gestures would accomplish more for you than writing a letter.

 

[thelostautistic]

I don't agree with the phrase. But I do want to write a letter. I feel like owe my family an explanation as to why I've made the choice to leave the world. They deserve that. I don't want to leave them with no answers if that makes sense. They don't really know what I deal with everyday so the letter will hopefully help them to understand how I felt.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Yes. Mending unresolved tensions, reliving culpability and providing some closure. It's important to make forward-looking statements so to say, detracting from the loss and tragedy. With descriptions of encouraging / inspiring events to unfold of what life would look like in one's absence in the most positive light. For those left to grieve, that would be easier to swallow.

 

[phoebusapollo]

I thought a lot about that lately.
I thought of writing one. But then I realized, that it's only my wish to be seen. My last anchor to this world. The thought of communicating a last message. But I realized it's meaningless. If you really let go of this life you let go of everything. There is no need to say a word. No hate no love no life.

 

[GremlinCan56]

I thought a lot about that lately.
I thought of writing one. But then I realized, that it's only my wish to be seen. My last anchor to this world. The thought of communicating a last message. But I realized it's meaningless. If you really let go of this life you let go of everything. There is no need to say a word. No hate no love no life.

And in my experience people don't care how much you explain, the detail you explain it in etc.

They're not gonna read your letter and understand you genuinely, imo. And explaining is just giving more people your energy.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Even though we may not be able to adequately put into words how we feel, I think a letter at least shows that we were thinking about those left behind. That we at least considered them enough to do that. I guess the argument would be- if we considered them enough, we wouldn't suicide in the first place but then, that can also be flipped to say that those who love us shouldn't wish us to stay here just to suffer.

It's also so risky to tell people beforehand how we feel. While we are encouraged to do so- it likely does burden people to know we are so close to the edge. Especially if there's nothing they can do to help us. A letter is really the only way we can express certain things we weren't able to before.

There again- I can't really disagree with you. If people in our lives have directly contributed to the cause of our ideation- how much consideration do they in fact deserve? Do they even deserve to be left wondering whether they contributed to that person's death? Maybe- if they had been outright cruel. That's assuming they have a conscience of course.

I think just in terms of the police investigation though- some form of note to say it was a suicide with no one else involved likely helps them to wrap things up quicker.

Personally, I've appreciated it when people have left me letters after natural death although- I've never known someone in real life suicide.

 

[Yogih212]

I think it's good to write a letter if you do it for your loved ones if you have them. I already wrote things on my phone for when my family opens it up after I am gone. I also write a letter telling them to look at my phone. But I'll probably write 1 more real letter the day of my passing.

 

[phoebusapollo]

Even though we may not be able to adequately put into words how we feel, I think a letter at least shows that we were thinking about those left behind. That we at least considered them enough to do that. I guess the argument would be- if we considered them enough, we wouldn't suicide in the first place but then, that can also be flipped to say that those who love us shouldn't wish us to stay here just to suffer.

It's also so risky to tell people beforehand how we feel. While we are encouraged to do so- it likely does burden people to know we are so close to the edge. Especially if there's nothing they can do to help us. A letter is really the only way we can express certain things we weren't able to before.

There again- I can't really disagree with you. If people in our lives have directly contributed to the cause of our ideation- how much consideration do they in fact deserve? Do they even deserve to be left wondering whether they contributed to that person's death? Maybe- if they had been outright cruel. That's assuming they have a conscience of course.

I think just in terms of the police investigation though- some form of note to say it was a suicide with no one else involved likely helps them to wrap things up quicker.

Personally, I've appreciated it when people have left me letters after natural death although- I've never known someone in real life suicide.

I think the police argument is valid. Although I think they don't require a lot of words. Just a sentence. I don't have loved ones. Just some more or less good/ok friends. So I guess a hint is ok. Although it depends on your method. Most methods don't leave any doubt about the action taken. I really wish I had access to a gun. A bullet to the head and the gun next to my body is all I have to say.

 

[Matchaaa]

I feel quite conflicted about it.
On one hand, I don't want my family to live with confusion for a long time. But some people say that not leaving a note can actually make it easier for survivors to process and integrate the trauma.
I might choose to leave something in my phone's notes app. If my family cares and happens to open it, they'll naturally see it. If they're not paying much attention, then they probably won't see it.

 

[ohwowlovely]

My friend wrote a note, I'm glad she did. I personally think it is the right thing to do if you're gonna CTB but it also depends on the people in your life who you'd be writing to, and how much of an explanation you want to give them or think that they deserve to know. I know it helped me grieve but I'm also here. I don't know if I'd be here anyway, or if it was encouraged in me by the note, no way of knowing, but.... take with a grain of salt