Is it weird to want help when I know it won't help me?

[someguy404]

I'm tired of being my moms' "depressed/mentally ill" son that she has to make sure I don't kill myself or something like that.

I've gotten help before. I've felt okay before. But it never lasts. I'm truly starting to think I'm unfixable.

I don't want to cost my family any more money taking care of me (or trying to), but I don't want to constantly feel like I'm living inside of a hole.

I've tried to commit because wanting to kill myself is affecting not just me anymore and I hate it, but I can never manage to go through with it.

Is it even worth getting help if you're not ready to follow through with your plan?
Not able to be fixed?
Not worthy of trying to be fixed?

I'm tired of feeling like the friend everyone has to look out for because "oh he's suicidal," but I can't bring myself to just go through with it.

I'm debating on whether or not it would just be better to commit, or try and be fixed/helped. It would be maybe just a bit longer before I fully get to that state of mind when I committed the last time, but I feel like getting help would take just as long.

You can skip this part. It's honestly just a rant of cons and pros about me if I did commit.

If I did commit, I wouldn't have to worry about growing old, worrying about talking to people, people wouldn't have the burden of having to help me, wouldn't have to worry about money anymore (+helping my mom not spend as much), not worrying about schooling.

If I got the help, I would be a more pleasant person to be around, not make others depressed with my death. Once I do hopefully get better id be able to stop costing my mom money (+ her mental health, and her time), and that's really it.

It's just I don't know if I can fully commit to killing myself. If I had to to shake an 8ball on if I should kill myself it would say "all signs point to yes," and I know that, I just don't know what's stopping me.

I've thought maybe suicide isn't right for me but I'm not sure what else the fuck to do about the way I feel. Life sucks dude



No one has to reply to this, I'm just talking out my ass here. Plus this is my first post so..hi

 

[Elle]

Always here for you!

 

[someguy404]

Always here for you!

Thank you <3 xx

 

[Elle]

Thank you <3 xx

You're very very welcome, ml! Xx

 

[SpiderLink]

I'm tired of being my moms' "depressed/mentally ill" son that she has to make sure I don't kill myself or something like that.

I've gotten help before. I've felt okay before. But it never lasts. I'm truly starting to think I'm unfixable.

I don't want to cost my family any more money taking care of me (or trying to), but I don't want to constantly feel like I'm living inside of a hole.

I've tried to commit because wanting to kill myself is affecting not just me anymore and I hate it, but I can never manage to go through with it.

Is it even worth getting help if you're not ready to follow through with your plan?
Not able to be fixed?
Not worthy of trying to be fixed?

I'm tired of feeling like the friend everyone has to look out for because "oh he's suicidal," but I can't bring myself to just go through with it.

I'm debating on whether or not it would just be better to commit, or try and be fixed/helped. It would be maybe just a bit longer before I fully get to that state of mind when I committed the last time, but I feel like getting help would take just as long.

You can skip this part. It's honestly just a rant of cons and pros about me if I did commit.

If I did commit, I wouldn't have to worry about growing old, worrying about talking to people, people wouldn't have the burden of having to help me, wouldn't have to worry about money anymore (+helping my mom not spend as much), not worrying about schooling.

If I got the help, I would be a more pleasant person to be around, not make others depressed with my death. Once I do hopefully get better id be able to stop costing my mom money (+ her mental health, and her time), and that's really it.

It's just I don't know if I can fully commit to killing myself. If I had to to shake an 8ball on if I should kill myself it would say "all signs point to yes," and I know that, I just don't know what's stopping me.

I've thought maybe suicide isn't right for me but I'm not sure what else the fuck to do about the way I feel. Life sucks dude



No one has to reply to this, I'm just talking out my ass here. Plus this is my first post so..hi

I feel you, especially with the thread question, I want help, and I have been getting it, but isn't working. It's been 3 years.

 

[someguy404]

I feel you, especially with the thread question, I want help, and I have been getting it, but isn't working. It's been 3 years.

I truly hope the best for you. It sucks to feel like this.

It's already not good we found this forum website lol. I hope you find peace and truly start to feel okay soon. I'll try to do the same

 

[dialogos]

No its not. I'm glad you're getting help even if you think it may or may not help you. Many of us here don't get any help at all.

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm also going through the same as you, i feel like i'm that one friend in my "friend group" who is suicidal so i should be looked out for. And among my family i also feel the same. I think that you want to get help out of desperation but after looking back at your past, you doubt that it'll actually help you. If you want, you can give it a try but it never works. No one cares anymore. I hope you can feel better soon, i send you my very best regards. :)