Is it true you always meet twice in life?

[noname223]

Not sure if whether this translation is perfect. But I assume most people understand what I mean.

I don't have something intricate to say. It is obvious that this idiom is not fully true but you can tell anecdotes.

I wish I would meet the girl again who I had a crush on when I was in a clinic 3 years ago. I know that is a long time since. But she was super cute and I always wished to meet her again. My psychotic brain ruined it when I became paranoid. And due to isolation my social skills were horrible to that time. I made some progress but I would probably still be in the category "no potential boyfriend".
I am kind of surprised (maybe that is stupid) but having had a psychosis is extremely stigmatized. At least this is my experience. I think in many instances I am more self-aware compared to other not mentally ill people. Compared to my mom or some other family members. However meeting her again would probably make no difference.

On a messenger and the internet I started to re-connect to people from the past. I do this very seldomly. Mostly only to women to whom I was close.
So the girl in school who was almost my first girlfriend we had some contact. The first time she texted me. Then I took the initative. I was stupid to text her. And I will never do that again. I think the last time is more than 1 year ago. I think she had a mild form of PTSD but she seemingly enjoys her life now. This was at least my impression. I am glad we don't have any contact anymore. Compared to her I feel like a complete loser.

The first time I went to college I made myself a complete idiot. I was in a manic episode and then got a psychosis. I never figured out how much they actually knew. But I never ever want to meet any of these people again. Though I saw 3 or maybe 4 again. We did not speak but it made me uncomfortable as fuck. I feel deeply ashamed about that time. Though I think I am completely irrelevant in their life. My brain has the bias to see myself as the centre of the universe.

Moreover I don't want to meet any people from school again. Especially my bullies. A very bad bully asked my best friend how I am doing. I was very angry he answered which job I had.

I could go on with anecdotes. I met this extremely intelligent professor from clinic again. I tried not to annoy him any further and tried to avoid a long conversation. I think way too much about him. He impressed me a lot. He is also one of the people who could see through my charade to pretend I was exceptionally smart.

I met the first therapist when I was acute psychotic again. We had a lot of contact. I think he really regretted that. Lol. He gave me the first diagnosis and he predicted me a very good future. Lmao. 4 years later he gave me up and considered me a person who cannot be saved and that will commit suicide. This status changed again. But I think with this no hope diagnosis he was more accurate.

You see with anecdotes you find many evidences for a kind of ridiculous hypothesis. I am mostly scared to meet people from the past again. I try to suppress memories from people who treated me like shit. And there are many people who fit into this category.

 

[eremito]

This is a wishful dream that you come across the same person by a pure coincidence. You may stand a chance of meeting the friends of the person, though. Especially, if you stay in a certain community of travellers, artists, religiously and spiritually awake folks or human rights activists. Still, it does happen that a person you meet but once stays in your heart, mind and memory forever.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

ha... part of me really really hopes so, part of me really really hopes not
i know i must sound like a broken record to anyone thats seen my posts around but it still hard not to always relate it back to my ex

on one hand, the idea of putting my all into getting better and then one day running into my ex (somehow) once weve both grown as people, both gotten better, thats... i cant imagine something much better than being able to try again with a healthy mind
or at the very least a much better control over my emotions
to actually be able to keep half the promises i made her... to actually learn how to make her happy, actually happy not just smothered in love she didnt even really want
if that was an outcome i thought she wanted, too, i would give up just about anything to see it to fruition

on the other hand, i think she despises my guts for good reason and call me a pessimist but i dont ever see myself getting 'better' despite how much i want to be
we both did and said a lot of awful things to eachother
what are the chances i run into her again in 10 years time and shes actually happy while im actively worse still? i think it would crush me all over again to see her doing so much better without me in her life... itd justify every negative thing i ever felt about myself, at least in my mind i know it would
what are the chances *i* get better and shes the same person but my feelings for her persisted the whole time? that would crush me too... even at my best she probably wouldnt want me back
but lets say she did- would things just end up repeating? would we crash and burn all over again?
how about the chances that neither of us got better? i just know my presence would either mean absolutely nothing to her, and that would hurt as much as it did the first time it felt that way, or it would actively upset her... and i never want the chance to hurt her ever again
even if she came back saying we could try again, we could both try to be better and try to be there for eachother during that process like i wanted in the end, at this point i cant trust myself not to end up hurting her again anyway... i cant trust myself to get better without fucking things up again long before that point

lets say its the best case scenario and weve both gotten better
what are the chances she even ever felt something for me in the first place? what are the chances she isnt already in a healthy relationship?
what are the chances that out of all her exes, for whatever reason im the one she reconnects with?

even if the idiom comes true... idk
i have never loved someone as much, admired someone as much, or desired someone as much as i do her
to say she was my world is probably an understatement all things considered
but i just cant ever see myself being something genuinely good for her
i cant see myself making her actually happy, and even if i was better i think that thought would persist
and theres no part of me that thinks she could ever have feelings for me again either
the way she left just didnt leave things in the open... and to be fair, neither did the way i reacted
if she showed back up in my life and we met again, i just think it would be a bad thing for her

and i dont want that for her
despite everything i want her to be happy
i want her to have a life that she actively wants to enjoy... shit, thats why i used to pray for it
and my mind cannot see that happening in a world where im still in the picture haha


so for her sake i hope the idiom is incorrect

 

[WorthlessTrash]

No.

 

[Disappointered]

I used to believe this and thought that when a person from my past crossed paths with me again it meant a significant change was about to occur. Bad changes. It might be true.