Not sure if whether this translation is perfect. But I assume most people understand what I mean.
I don't have something intricate to say. It is obvious that this idiom is not fully true but you can tell anecdotes.
I wish I would meet the girl again who I had a crush on when I was in a clinic 3 years ago. I know that is a long time since. But she was super cute and I always wished to meet her again. My psychotic brain ruined it when I became paranoid. And due to isolation my social skills were horrible to that time. I made some progress but I would probably still be in the category "no potential boyfriend".
I am kind of surprised (maybe that is stupid) but having had a psychosis is extremely stigmatized. At least this is my experience. I think in many instances I am more self-aware compared to other not mentally ill people. Compared to my mom or some other family members. However meeting her again would probably make no difference.
On a messenger and the internet I started to re-connect to people from the past. I do this very seldomly. Mostly only to women to whom I was close.
So the girl in school who was almost my first girlfriend we had some contact. The first time she texted me. Then I took the initative. I was stupid to text her. And I will never do that again. I think the last time is more than 1 year ago. I think she had a mild form of PTSD but she seemingly enjoys her life now. This was at least my impression. I am glad we don't have any contact anymore. Compared to her I feel like a complete loser.
The first time I went to college I made myself a complete idiot. I was in a manic episode and then got a psychosis. I never figured out how much they actually knew. But I never ever want to meet any of these people again. Though I saw 3 or maybe 4 again. We did not speak but it made me uncomfortable as fuck. I feel deeply ashamed about that time. Though I think I am completely irrelevant in their life. My brain has the bias to see myself as the centre of the universe.
Moreover I don't want to meet any people from school again. Especially my bullies. A very bad bully asked my best friend how I am doing. I was very angry he answered which job I had.
I could go on with anecdotes. I met this extremely intelligent professor from clinic again. I tried not to annoy him any further and tried to avoid a long conversation. I think way too much about him. He impressed me a lot. He is also one of the people who could see through my charade to pretend I was exceptionally smart.
I met the first therapist when I was acute psychotic again. We had a lot of contact. I think he really regretted that. Lol. He gave me the first diagnosis and he predicted me a very good future. Lmao. 4 years later he gave me up and considered me a person who cannot be saved and that will commit suicide. This status changed again. But I think with this no hope diagnosis he was more accurate.
You see with anecdotes you find many evidences for a kind of ridiculous hypothesis. I am mostly scared to meet people from the past again. I try to suppress memories from people who treated me like shit. And there are many people who fit into this category.
I don't have something intricate to say. It is obvious that this idiom is not fully true but you can tell anecdotes.
I wish I would meet the girl again who I had a crush on when I was in a clinic 3 years ago. I know that is a long time since. But she was super cute and I always wished to meet her again. My psychotic brain ruined it when I became paranoid. And due to isolation my social skills were horrible to that time. I made some progress but I would probably still be in the category "no potential boyfriend".
I am kind of surprised (maybe that is stupid) but having had a psychosis is extremely stigmatized. At least this is my experience. I think in many instances I am more self-aware compared to other not mentally ill people. Compared to my mom or some other family members. However meeting her again would probably make no difference.
On a messenger and the internet I started to re-connect to people from the past. I do this very seldomly. Mostly only to women to whom I was close.
So the girl in school who was almost my first girlfriend we had some contact. The first time she texted me. Then I took the initative. I was stupid to text her. And I will never do that again. I think the last time is more than 1 year ago. I think she had a mild form of PTSD but she seemingly enjoys her life now. This was at least my impression. I am glad we don't have any contact anymore. Compared to her I feel like a complete loser.
The first time I went to college I made myself a complete idiot. I was in a manic episode and then got a psychosis. I never figured out how much they actually knew. But I never ever want to meet any of these people again. Though I saw 3 or maybe 4 again. We did not speak but it made me uncomfortable as fuck. I feel deeply ashamed about that time. Though I think I am completely irrelevant in their life. My brain has the bias to see myself as the centre of the universe.
Moreover I don't want to meet any people from school again. Especially my bullies. A very bad bully asked my best friend how I am doing. I was very angry he answered which job I had.
I could go on with anecdotes. I met this extremely intelligent professor from clinic again. I tried not to annoy him any further and tried to avoid a long conversation. I think way too much about him. He impressed me a lot. He is also one of the people who could see through my charade to pretend I was exceptionally smart.
I met the first therapist when I was acute psychotic again. We had a lot of contact. I think he really regretted that. Lol. He gave me the first diagnosis and he predicted me a very good future. Lmao. 4 years later he gave me up and considered me a person who cannot be saved and that will commit suicide. This status changed again. But I think with this no hope diagnosis he was more accurate.
You see with anecdotes you find many evidences for a kind of ridiculous hypothesis. I am mostly scared to meet people from the past again. I try to suppress memories from people who treated me like shit. And there are many people who fit into this category.
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