Discussion is it rude to move in with my friends family?

[greedydeath]

hi, i've been pretty active on the suicide discussion forum in the past few months due to repeated suicidal thoughts and attempt/hospitilization etc. I am once again in the mental hospital due to impulsive thoughts and recklessnes. as i stated in my last post, i am about to get evicted from my student housing anytime soon now. my friend, bless her heart is begging me to move in with her and her famiy in their villa in which they have an extra room. even her older sister is insisting on it. they are the only ones that know the full story except for medical and government professionals. i very rarely ask for help in general and i get self conscious really easily by the smallest things. always wondering if someone hates me, if i should stop talking etc etc. i have stayed in their house for the better part of june after my last release from the hospital because being alone while still haing the rope home and stuff wasn't practical if i was gonna try to recover. i am still not completely into the idea of recovery but i also cannot for the life of me plan and execute another attempt. i am very exhausted. me and my friend both live in western europe. and although we pretty much grew up here and have our entire lives in this country, - a fancy way of saying we're both pretty much whitewashed - we are both of two different heavily cultured/reigious and of non-white ethnical backgrounds. her familiy are muslims and mine are christians. despite our differences we are very close. i don't have any contact with my family but hers have been treating me like their own for a really long time. they are very kind and loving towards me and even her dad - a very strict shy a (i shall not look a woman in the eye) type of guy has under many circumstances driven me places when i needed it, looks over any bruises i get, asks me to help him with his phone etc etc. and that's an example of how my (emotionally) furthest relationship is in the family. so u can imagine how close i have gotten with the rest of them. not to mention she has a beautiful dog that's now 2 years old and who i have gotten to know since he was a very small puppy. he's such a precious little boy and comes rest his head on my arms randomly (weirdly during moments when i'm feeling very bad) and i know it doesn't fix everything but for the moment he just makes everything okay.

now to get to my point, even though i have decided to pause actively planning ctb for the moment, life is still shit. especially with eviction now in the picture. i only have a few weeks left + i haven't been to the university this entire semester and haven't registered for any new courses (thinking ab officially dropping out of my program altogether). the government is too slow with any of their services and my credit + my economy is dog shit. i currenly have less than 1 euro to my name without exaggirating and no upcoming income. so, the choice looks clear. i should move in with my friend. but i also can not for the life of me justify it for myself. i keep thinking just because my friend and her sister have verbally asked me to move in with the family way before they knew anything about me getting eviction threats and so on, what if everyone else is not okay with it? there is still her dad, her older brother, her mom and grandma living there. what if even she and her sister get tired of me? her sister is a uni student herself and is only there for the summer. which means i will have a lot of interaction with the rest of her family if i do end up moving in with them. moving back home to my family is wayyyyy out of the question bc of past physical abuse/getting kicked out by mom and stepdad etc. my thoughts keep telling me that i should respectfully deny my friends offer and try my hardest to find a living situation for myself. but as everyone here can understand, i have very little fight left in me. i don't know what to do. should i force myself to fix a living situation on my own or should i just say fuck it and move in with them despite uncertainty on whether the rest of her family are okay with it deep down. and if i were to move in with them, how can i tone down this anxiety that's eating at me? what would you do in my situation (aside from ctb)?

- sorry for the long post. any advice at all is appriciated.

 

[alonely]

it sounds like a really rough situation. are you able to share these thoughts with your friend and their family? maybe if they knew the thoughts that you have shared here, they could even help you to get back on your feet again with help and support with finding your own place or help you find a way to make money or support your journey and be more understanding.