Is it ridiculous for me to ctb through fear of losing my hair?

[ScaredToLive]

God it feels ridiculous even writing that title lol, I'm aware it makes me seem vain and probably awful. I had a terrible childhood my dad is a violent, disgusting individual, who systemically destroyed my self esteem. However as I became a teenager I was attractive and found myself able to attract women quite easily and have constructed my only sense of self around that. I have not and would not ever be arrogant about it, and if you met me you would not think of me as self absorbed. I really hate myself and I'm very insecure.

Of course it makes me feel good it's the only good thing in a sea of depression and anxiety and self hate.

i hate seeming arrogant but when i see stuff on here like "being good looking makes life easy". Well I'm here, desperate to kill myself, because I'm getting older, I created such a fragile sense of well being based on looks when that begins to fade I've got nothing left. That's not a nice feeling to have.

sorry if I in any way come across conceited, arrogant or self absorbed. I had no other way of writing it. But yeah my point is that is my main reason for killing myself. I self harm a lot, really bad. I have told countless therapists, are you able to cure baldness? Then no you can't fix this and neither can I.

again I apologize if I come across badly, I'm not arrogant and I hate myself

 

[Anonymoussn]

So I have a receding hairline and am really self conscious about it. And I think...Why not shave it all off? If you are at a point where you are going to end it all, if you shave it off and you don't like it... you are in exactly the same position! And you are going to end it anyway, so who cares!?

If you get to a point where you hate it so much, that you're going to CTB, at least try that one last thing. You have nothing to lose! It either looks great and you feel a lit better, or it doesnt look good and you end it all, as you wouldve done anyway!

 

[Mm80]

You dont come across as arrogant, just honest, you have mentioned your issues aswell.
Im sorry about your dad. Mine was violent too and im not sure you fully recover from that.
I can see why getting older may be an issue but not the hair alone? May sound stupid but if it really bothers you would you consider a wig?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else's on here. How we feel about ourselves can play a big part in the reasons why we want to ctb. You don't come across as being arrogant at all so don't worry.

 

[Steamm]

It's a bit weird but not ridiculous. I used to not like myself either, never really attracted any girl and I am a 30 year old male, but that's not my main problem. My main problem is money.

 

[Fergusoskiii]

I used to be self conscious about my hair too then I tried a well known hair growth foam. I apply it once every 3 days. Not twice a day as recommended. Maybe it was a plasibo affect but my hair hasnt got any worse in a few years. Also the mental decision to get a hair transplant if i really wanted too as a backup plan was a confidence booster.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

They call it a midlife crisis. I'm losing hair too, but I've retained enough not to look bald.

I think what you are going through is just part of the aging process. Attractive people are harder hit. If it's any consolation my father was a good looking man even in his 50s.

 

[RealHumanBean]

God it feels ridiculous even writing that title lol, I'm aware it makes me seem vain and probably awful. I had a terrible childhood my dad is a violent, disgusting individual, who systemically destroyed my self esteem. However as I became a teenager I was attractive and found myself able to attract women quite easily and have constructed my only sense of self around that. I have not and would not ever be arrogant about it, and if you met me you would not think of me as self absorbed. I really hate myself and I'm very insecure.

Of course it makes me feel good it's the only good thing in a sea of depression and anxiety and self hate.

i hate seeming arrogant but when i see stuff on here like "being good looking makes life easy". Well I'm here, desperate to kill myself, because I'm getting older, I created such a fragile sense of well being based on looks when that begins to fade I've got nothing left. That's not a nice feeling to have.

sorry if I in any way come across conceited, arrogant or self absorbed. I had no other way of writing it. But yeah my point is that is my main reason for killing myself. I self harm a lot, really bad. I have told countless therapists, are you able to cure baldness? Then no you can't fix this and neither can I.

again I apologize if I come across badly, I'm not arrogant and I hate myself

It's not ridiculous; it's just the straw that breaks the camel's back. If hair loss is the tipping point, is there anything else on the scale that you could do to tip in back in your favor? Can you grow a beard? Bald with a beard is a good look and could balance you out so you can try to deal with the rest of the pile. You are right about one thing though, just being handsome is not enough to spare you from the suffering and wanting out! If you have the capacity to try and remove some of the other weight (e.g. working with a therapist on dealing with your dad and childhood), that may lessen the impact of something that seems trivial, like hair :) Good luck, my man. Beard up!

 

[BPD Barbie]

My hair is starting to fall out I think due to immense stress, it's become another reason for me to ctb. As a woman, my hair means a lot to me and may seem fickle and vain but it's a part of my identity. I think it's a perfectly valid reason.

 

[nitroautnz]

God it feels ridiculous even writing that title lol, I'm aware it makes me seem vain and probably awful. I had a terrible childhood my dad is a violent, disgusting individual, who systemically destroyed my self esteem. However as I became a teenager I was attractive and found myself able to attract women quite easily and have constructed my only sense of self around that. I have not and would not ever be arrogant about it, and if you met me you would not think of me as self absorbed. I really hate myself and I'm very insecure.

Of course it makes me feel good it's the only good thing in a sea of depression and anxiety and self hate.

i hate seeming arrogant but when i see stuff on here like "being good looking makes life easy". Well I'm here, desperate to kill myself, because I'm getting older, I created such a fragile sense of well being based on looks when that begins to fade I've got nothing left. That's not a nice feeling to have.

sorry if I in any way come across conceited, arrogant or self absorbed. I had no other way of writing it. But yeah my point is that is my main reason for killing myself. I self harm a lot, really bad. I have told countless therapists, are you able to cure baldness? Then no you can't fix this and neither can I.

again I apologize if I come across badly, I'm not arrogant and I hate myself

Every now and again they pop their heads in. The site has even been attacked before. However, I agree that we should acknowledge both view points. I just wish people would leave it to us and not feel the need to interfere in something far above their comprehension.

Nothing is ridiculous (damn harry potter i start writing riddikulus), everyone judge his problems on is own way. Nobody should say your issue are not that bad to deal with, you shouldnt think of ctb. Like @RealHumanBean say '' it's just the straw that breaks the camel's back ''. But maybe you can find a way to live with that, a friend of mine struggle with beeing bald young, but after he move out in canada he finally accept it and still mannage to have a happy life.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I'm sorry what you went through with your dad. Some people are attracted to balding. My sons have 2 different dads and both of them were balding. I know you have to be happy with your appearance not others. Have you tried any of the hair saving/replacing options? thyroid testing? testosterone also causes balding. Not sure if they can supplement it or not.

 

[Jumper Geo]

What ever you do don't take the hair replacement tablets as they cause erection dysfunction, TBH, I would rather have a hard on than hair, a few of my friends actually look better with no hair.

I am going thin on top and I was shocked when I saw my hair disappearing especially when one of my friends took the piss but I would not go for a wig or trap door I just have it shaved at the sides number 4 and cut short and wear a hat where I can.

We are all here for different reasons and as your an SS member it's not a silly reason and you've probably explored all the options and not happy with the results but try a few different styles hat, glasses and get some feedback from someone you trust.

Cheers

Geo

 

[jrums]

Just don't take Propecia. You could wind up chemically lobotomized and castrated and won't care about your hair anymore.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Plenty of hot guys with receding hairlines and baldness.

However, if you don't see yourself as hot, it doesn't matter how others see you. So no, it's not ridiculous.

I like what @Anonymoussn suggested, shaving your head. Heck, you might be more attractive bald and not even know it!

 

[Aap]

Well, male pattern baldness incidence is around 16% in younger men and over 50% for older men...it certainly is not a unique or unusual occurrence. I promise dude, attitude is wayyyy more important. I'll leave out comments on shallowness or vanity.

 

[Wayfaerer]

That's something that's likely going to be correctable in the near future so I wouldn't worry much about it let alone CTB.

 

[Smudgedlines]

I think bald men are extremely attractive however baldness is just a part of how you are feeling as you are getting older.... As a 48 year old woman I am mostly invisible to the opposite sex now and that took a bit of getting used to. I was never a standout but I did used to hold my own.
it took me a year to come to terms with that little life kicking. Give it time. It's actually not so bad now...

 

[Taki]

It isn't ridiculous. Most of us who end up here have pretty brittle identities, and it makes sense that you'd be troubled when something that prompted you up for years seems to be coming apart.

 

[iDieUDie80]

Besides those other reasons you mentioned, I think something such as aging or balding is possible to cope with, and part of the natural process. Many on this forum will tell you any reason is a good enough reason to ctb, but most will also tell you to give yourself a chance first.

 

[HadEnough1974]

God it feels ridiculous even writing that title lol, I'm aware it makes me seem vain and probably awful. I had a terrible childhood my dad is a violent, disgusting individual, who systemically destroyed my self esteem. However as I became a teenager I was attractive and found myself able to attract women quite easily and have constructed my only sense of self around that. I have not and would not ever be arrogant about it, and if you met me you would not think of me as self absorbed. I really hate myself and I'm very insecure.

Of course it makes me feel good it's the only good thing in a sea of depression and anxiety and self hate.

i hate seeming arrogant but when i see stuff on here like "being good looking makes life easy". Well I'm here, desperate to kill myself, because I'm getting older, I created such a fragile sense of well being based on looks when that begins to fade I've got nothing left. That's not a nice feeling to have.

sorry if I in any way come across conceited, arrogant or self absorbed. I had no other way of writing it. But yeah my point is that is my main reason for killing myself. I self harm a lot, really bad. I have told countless therapists, are you able to cure baldness? Then no you can't fix this and neither can I.

again I apologize if I come across badly, I'm not arrogant and I hate myself

Solution: rogaine also known as minoxidil and propecia. Start early, use it daily. Never stop the treatment. Your welcome.

 

[lookin4areason]

not at all. there is no "ridiculous" reasons for feeling the way you do. not matter what it is it's valid. and as someone who has been losing hair badly the past few years (which was then late 30s and i'm female) I can say it's been horrifying for me and just one of the reasons i'm depressed even more.

 

[Pharmaruined]

Just don't take Propecia. You could wind up chemically lobotomized and castrated and won't care about your hair anymore.

I'm glad people know about this.. it's the reason I'm here.. after 10 years and spending 500k dollars I've searched the planet for a cure.. my dick is permanently fucked.. I have zero emotions, can't feel joy just emptiness.. in the rare days I get an erection all it takes is an orgasm to completely crush me again for weeks at a time.. I went from a total gym rat successful businessman stud to an empty shell, muscle wasting zombie..

nothing turns me on.. nothing.. despite the memory and longing.. the chemicals necessary and conversion process are gone. Totally broken.

I would give anything to be bald and still have my hormones.

If I don't train like an athlete 3 times a week, take tons off supplements and constantly battle gut issues and infections, I will shrivel up and die, with immense suffering.. I'm a total hamster on a treadmill and I'm not allowed to stop , while taking extreme care of myself.. and there is zero payoff..

it doesn't cure anything it just keeps me existing to live another shitty day, with no chance for a sexual relationship, or any kind of normal life

 

[Smudgedlines]

I'm glad people know about this.. it's the reason I'm here.. after 10 years and spending 500k dollars I've searched the planet for a cure.. my dick is permanently fucked.. I have zero emotions, can't feel joy just emptiness.. in the rare days I get an erection all it takes is an orgasm to completely crush me again for weeks at a time.. I went from a total gym rat successful businessman stud to an empty shell, muscle wasting zombie..

nothing turns me on.. nothing.. despite the memory and longing.. the chemicals necessary and conversion process are gone. Totally broken.

I would give anything to be bald and still have my hormones.

If I don't train like an athlete 3 times a week, take tons off supplements and constantly battle gut issues and infections, I will shrivel up and die, with immense suffering.. I'm a total hamster on a treadmill and I'm not allowed to stop , while taking extreme care of myself.. and there is zero payoff..

it doesn't cure anything it just keeps me existing to live another shitty day, with no chance for a sexual relationship, or any kind of normal life

That's horrendous.
i am so sorry.

 

[Drowning fish]

Hey !
Did you hear about hair implants? It's rather new (like a few years old) but basically they take hair from behind the neck and put it on your head :)

 

[ScaredToLive]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. At the moment my hairline is fine but I have this horrendous anxiety everyday constantly checking in the mirror, diff mirrors look better than others, almost like BDD? But I just simply don't like the aging process I'm not happy enough with any other part of myself and it's a big part of my identity. The way I've always seen it is some blokes don't give a shit and that's up to them, like if I had a choice between losing a leg and my hair id choose leg. People who want to live would prob just shave it and go on but I don't Living. Also it would remind me a ton of my dad and I hate that prick

 

[jrums]

I'm glad people know about this.. it's the reason I'm here.. after 10 years and spending 500k dollars I've searched the planet for a cure.. my dick is permanently fucked.. I have zero emotions, can't feel joy just emptiness.. in the rare days I get an erection all it takes is an orgasm to completely crush me again for weeks at a time.. I went from a total gym rat successful businessman stud to an empty shell, muscle wasting zombie..

nothing turns me on.. nothing.. despite the memory and longing.. the chemicals necessary and conversion process are gone. Totally broken.

I would give anything to be bald and still have my hormones.

If I don't train like an athlete 3 times a week, take tons off supplements and constantly battle gut issues and infections, I will shrivel up and die, with immense suffering.. I'm a total hamster on a treadmill and I'm not allowed to stop , while taking extreme care of myself.. and there is zero payoff..

it doesn't cure anything it just keeps me existing to live another shitty day, with no chance for a sexual relationship, or any kind of normal life

Same happened to me only with SSRIs. Damn 10 years... What a fucking hell this is. Fucking legal poisons.

 

[Pharmaruined]

Same happened to me only with SSRIs. Damn 10 years... What a fucking hell this is. Fucking legal poisons.

Sorry man..
It's insane.. never thought a drug could permanently ruin a person.. you cut your arm, it heals.. I lost a toenail a few times from banging it, it grows back..
wtf? This issue doesn't heal.. now just in a prison until I ctb. Still trying things.. but I dont know what's left or hasn't been explored.

 

[ScaredToLive]

Got put on Prozac when I was 16, far too young and I think did me damage long term

 

[Deformationalplagio]

I was like this too when i was balding. When i finakky shaved i noticed i had a deformed head and face called plagiocephaly. Take it from me balding isnt the worst thing on earth

 

[benjamind2020]

Not at all. I would feel like shit if my hair fell out. Maybe not suicidal bad but pretty bad.

I had a similar fear of losing something and still have mental problems from that even now.

Scared - My story...

This horrid nightmare began on the morning 26th June when I woke up with what seemed like a blocked right ear and some mild nausea. I tried to pop my ears as usual by drinking a glass of water and that didn't help. I noticed there was a ringing when I heard any sound coming through that ear. I...

www.bluelight.org

Whether or not hair loss is worse than this or not is up to the beholder.