Discussion Is it researching the perfect method a inner defence about ending life or postpone it?

[zherhk]

What do you think?
We saw someone with a scarf anchored to a ceiling fan holding the entire body without a knot exiting pretty quickly.
I'm not saying it is advisable at all, but is it this long research we are doing based almost on perfection that creates only doubts just our survival instinct/ fears/ hopes taking as much time as possible?

 

[Science Is Scary]

I found this forum as I was researching how I would die.

I soon discovered I had a love for doing and sharing research about suicide. Later, I met someone with similar problems, and I'm now on the path to a potential recovery. Life works out in strange ways sometimes.

 

[angele]

I think it depends, some users might subconsciously be putting it off as long as possible. But I know a solid portion of SS users genuinely are looking for the best way out for themselves, and are only here as long as they need to be. And there's always the recovering folk like the user above stated. After all, this is a pro CHOICE forum. Some choose not to.

 

[helpfulfriendonwout]

I'd imagine that it's a combination of both. We've all heard the horror stories of terribly agonizing suicide, painful attempts, and long term disability from them. It's logical to want to avoid that. But on the other hand, it can also be an excuse not to act...A very compelling excuse. Almost all methods of suicide can easily go very wrong if not preformed correctly; either to yourself or others. I spend days doing research and finding a method I'm nearly certain will suceed, I could be unconsious in a couple minutes and my pain could be done...but now that all the research is done, and it's time. I'm hesitating. I'm not particularly scared of dying, but every time I tighten the tourniquet around my neck to the point that I start blacking out, I realease it. I was pretty sure that I'd be able to do this during the research, I'm certain that this is the best cource of action for me, but I've not been able to do it so far, which makes me think that all the research may partially have been a way to postpone doing what I needed to do.

 

[charlottewilts]

as helpfulfriendonwout said, it is really a little bit of both... of course, since it's the last decision we are ever to make, we want to make sure it's as effective as can be to avoid survival with permanent damage.

as for postponing things, i think this site is mostly providing to people who are not yet in a dire position, but who are approaching one or are preparing for the possibility of ending up in one. now, this is only my opinion after observing threads and based on my own situation, but i think most people who are still on this site haven't hit rock bottom yet, but want to be prepared when they do so. we are all here researching our plan B. some people decide to take their leave on a high note, and some wait until the end. some may not do it at all. regardless of the percentages, it is very good that places such as this forum are still allowed to exist considering the draconian anti-suicide laws.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'd imagine that it's a combination of both. We've all heard the horror stories of terribly agonizing suicide, painful attempts, and long term disability from them. It's logical to want to avoid that. But on the other hand, it can also be an excuse not to act...A very compelling excuse. Almost all methods of suicide can easily go very wrong if not preformed correctly; either to yourself or others. I spend days doing research and finding a method I'm nearly certain will suceed, I could be unconsious in a couple minutes and my pain could be done...but now that all the research is done, and it's time. I'm hesitating. I'm not particularly scared of dying, but every time I tighten the tourniquet around my neck to the point that I start blacking out, I realease it. I was pretty sure that I'd be able to do this during the research, I'm certain that this is the best cource of action for me, but I've not been able to do it so far, which makes me think that all the research may partially have been a way to postpone doing what I needed to do.

This.

Research and methodology and sourcing materials is one thing.

Going through with it is another thing entirely.

 

[dominodux]

There are different approach to CTB, most people just want to have control over their life, having a secure way to switch off, if things become unbearable. THis, in someway, helps relieving anxiety and probably keep living day by day, trying to go further as far as they can stand.

Then, there are people that are already living unbearable lifes, and there the matter is totally different.

In the first case, people trying to "get ready" in the second, they try to comply as quickly and painless as possible, to quit the pain (physical or mental) and do not lose dignity.

 

[noctiva]

There are two sides to the coin, as has been said before:
A. Knowing what you're doing so it's quick, painless, straight forward and as fail-proof as possible. -> goal-oriented research
B. Doing it. -> action

I think A is very important, especially if you want to end it and not be 'saved' due to your own ignorance of the method or external circumstances, but to be honest, this does not take a long time to research, maybe a week or two, especially in an excellent forum with heaps of help and resources.
B is a different issue. Here, I think you also need resolve, practice, both mentally and physically, by testing your setup/ drugs, by visualizing what you will do when the time comes, and also by going through the process of making peace.

I think the process of making peace is very tough in a forum like this, where threads pop up constantly with 'Have you considered this insanely irrational fear?' or 'What if a (insert here) rules the afterlife and now you've upset it?' (basically threads about SI and afterlife questions)... I think these threads do not help to prepare your mind, they rather increase anxiety with a whole bunch of 'What if...' questions.

And then there's the question of do you want to cover all your basis, in which case your goal is A. And B follows in a day or 40 years.
Or have you come to die, now. Then your goal will be B, and A is just a necessity you have to get out of the way.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Really good topic... I often think the research and the time I spend here are my survival instincts working. I have 3 ways out right now, I could end it tonight, but I have convinced myself there is only 1 way to go, and that way is probably the most difficult one to get. I rationalize it by looking at fail rates, etc etc. I say that I'm not afraid to die, and I feel that way, but I also suspect that is part of the survival instinct. the voice in my head" "You're not scared to die, but scared to fail. So you better do it right" and in my mind the "right" way to do it, seems hard and risky to obtain"

 

[MeltingHeart]

I found this forum as I was researching how I would die.

I soon discovered I had a love for doing and sharing research about suicide. Later, I met someone with similar problems, and I'm now on the path to a potential recovery. Life works out in strange ways sometimes.

That's so good. Glad to hear. Wish all the people that criticise this site could read that.

 

[LivingToLong]

I think that knowing there is a way, and finding thé company of others that are looking for thé same thng is, in itself, a comfort. You can't talk about cbt in public (as a rule) it's a taboo, so having such feelings makes you feel a bit like a freak. But here, it's totally accepted - it's exactly WHY most are here! So that in itself removes the stigma.

Certainly, I feel happier just knowing I have people (here) who 'get' me, who empathise with my desire to CBT. And, tbh, I get a lot out of reading peoples stories here; there's a raw honesty that you don't find elsewhere.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I just wanted to find a method that might be a little less painful & that the 'action' needed to do it a little less scary for me- I've tried a few others many many times & even though I did want to do- I literally could not. As I have tried so much & do have a strong desire to die- it has become quite astounding to me that some people are able to do it with some methods.

 

[LMLN]

I just wanted to find a method that might be a little less painful & that the 'action' needed to do it a little less scary for me- I've tried a few others many many times & even though I did want to do- I literally could not. As I have tried so much & do have a strong desire to die- it has become quite astounding to me that some people are able to do it with some methods.

I agree. Figuring out the 'action' I'm comfortable with has been a challenge. Research is one thing. Doing it another.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I am also very torn about ordering N right now. I have ordered SN, but with an N supply, the pressure would be off in a way and I could go ahead and just try to turn my life around - in crisis my executive functioning isn't great, I think that's why I want to have the method sorted.

 

[zherhk]

I was thinking about another thing.
We are afraid to leave because we still hope to fix things in a certain way even if it's something out of control and we could miss the picture in our mind about what we could have, what we could do or what we could become.
So, fear about missing something that actually doesn't exists today in our lives and that doesn't represent something we could actually reach in the future and that can lead to more painful delusions.
All this just remind us we are humans and fear being the most primordial emotion.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I mean, you can never really know what the future might bring. There's this lecture series online from a Stanford Professor of Philosophy about the rationality of suicide which deals with this question, I think it's in the resources thread.

Whats funny is that at my lowest I find our usual fear of death ridiculous; I mean for me it's the most blissful thing imaginable, the end to a mountain of struggle which, in the end, ends in death anyway (and probably a more violent and painful one at that.) Suicide in that sense is like an extreme form of regression to me, a fantasy of giving up all responsibility and just floating away into a warm, enveloping sleep.

 

[XXX]

It may be that, but we really don't want to end up injured. That's an absolute horror for me for sure - if I decide to live, I definitely want my physically healthy body capable of self-sufficiency!

Also, in my case, I really have to get it right if I decide to do it. There is no room to fuck up. My attempt 22 years ago was completely different. It was an angry, impulsive drunken act (kinda... I had been hoarding pills but, until then, I didn't *really* plan to do it, I just comforted myself with the plans and actions). Now, I am calm. I want to escape the eternal stigma of mental diagnosis - no matter what I do, how I proved myself capable, I am considered unreliable and eternally flawed. So if I fail, there is no hope whatsoever that MAY still exist (thing is, I don't want to be disappointed again).

And my family and therapist would... be unhappy. I am planning to write letters to them, hoping they will understand in time.

 

[val123]

It may be that, but we really don't want to end up injured. That's an absolute horror for me for sure - if I decide to live, I definitely want my physically healthy body capable of self-sufficiency!

Also, in my case, I really have to get it right if I decide to do it. There is no room to fuck up. My attempt 22 years ago was completely different. It was an angry, impulsive drunken act (kinda... I had been hoarding pills but, until then, I didn't *really* plan to do it, I just comforted myself with the plans and actions). Now, I am calm. I want to escape the eternal stigma of mental diagnosis - no matter what I do, how I proved myself capable, I am considered unreliable and eternally flawed. So if I fail, there is no hope whatsoever that MAY still exist (thing is, I don't want to be disappointed again).

And my family and therapist would... be unhappy. I am planning to write letters to them, hoping they will understand in time.

bro xxx, this is my big issue either. i,m affraid to fail, i,m looking for ""almost sure methods"...you have any sugestions after your researches? with high rates of succesed passing?
with respect, your ''forum,s friend".