nkbodyz
New Member
- Jan 22, 2024
- 4
Tuesday, February 27th 18:59 PM
I don't think I can hold out to my birthday anymore, i don't think waiting until may is worth it. I've had a lot of shitty days this week and I don't think I want them to continue.
My eating disorder has returned, but I don't mind it as much, i feel more comforted by it than anything or anyone else around me, although the feeling of passing out any second is quite hard to like.
My mother yelled at me for the stupidest thing, like saying I don't like modern architecture.
My dad? We don't talk ever, him only talking to me makes me want to cry. (I don't have the best relationship with him, never heard him say a single nice thing to me, or that he's proud of me)
My sister has told me I'm crazy and that I should start acting normally, just for telling her I need her to get out of my room because I need to focus on something. But I'm kind of used to it, she's told me many uglier things before, that I'm a sick and ugly bitch is not the worst thing she said.
I've given up on most of my work, friends and everything.
I don't talk as much as I used to, i could talk hours and hours about the things I like or admire, but now the closest person to me feels like a complete stranger, talking with everyone else differently.. more kindly.
I don't have an idea of what to do.
How to continue, everything seems meaningless. Every little thing I liked is gone. This doesn't have a purpose.
This is just my rambling to be honest, if I were more composed I would've been more 'intellectual' but it's whatever.
I think I want to be gone in April.. engulfed by the rising spring season, maybe I'll have a lot of flowers at my funeral..?
I don't think I can hold out to my birthday anymore, i don't think waiting until may is worth it. I've had a lot of shitty days this week and I don't think I want them to continue.
My eating disorder has returned, but I don't mind it as much, i feel more comforted by it than anything or anyone else around me, although the feeling of passing out any second is quite hard to like.
My mother yelled at me for the stupidest thing, like saying I don't like modern architecture.
My dad? We don't talk ever, him only talking to me makes me want to cry. (I don't have the best relationship with him, never heard him say a single nice thing to me, or that he's proud of me)
My sister has told me I'm crazy and that I should start acting normally, just for telling her I need her to get out of my room because I need to focus on something. But I'm kind of used to it, she's told me many uglier things before, that I'm a sick and ugly bitch is not the worst thing she said.
I've given up on most of my work, friends and everything.
I don't talk as much as I used to, i could talk hours and hours about the things I like or admire, but now the closest person to me feels like a complete stranger, talking with everyone else differently.. more kindly.
I don't have an idea of what to do.
How to continue, everything seems meaningless. Every little thing I liked is gone. This doesn't have a purpose.
This is just my rambling to be honest, if I were more composed I would've been more 'intellectual' but it's whatever.
I think I want to be gone in April.. engulfed by the rising spring season, maybe I'll have a lot of flowers at my funeral..?
