Why would you want to use adderall in this case? Wouldn't you want to use a depressant instead and try to relax? Adderall speeds up the CNS (stimulates you assuming you don't have adhd)…not what you're looking for if you're wanting to drown. It would probably just kick in your fight or flight response
Kratom? I would get some fucking diesel, Kratom is like childs play in comparison. If I'm going to ctb I'm not using Kratom in my end game. Wouldn't be nearly enough to dull my SI, idc how many gel caps/teas I drink.
These drugs are just to pump me up and help me focus on the task, like to help energize me and increase my willpower.
Once I tried to drown with lots of Ketamine, since it makes us numb, but I ended up taking so much that I couldn't even walk, plus the hallucinations would have been even worse while drowning, making the experience much scarier. I could try using Xannax, but I don't want to make this more unpredictable: last time I overdosed on Xannax I did some crazy shit that I don't even remember. The only drugs I have are the ones available from my local drug dealer, and he doesn't carry fentanyl.
BTW, my reasons for suicide are mainly:
1. Severe motor tics. (I'm always really twitchy... Sometimes it's even as if my thoughts are "twitching" or acting on their own.)
2. Neuropathic pain. (It's like hypersensitivity/discomfort that makes it hard to sit or sleep.)
3. Low energy. (Easily physically exhausted; I've quit many jobs.)
4. It's hard for me to hold jobs or live life/relax with these disorders.
So yeah, I have some pretty good reasons for drowning, as these are serious permanent problems that aren't going away.
My main reason for living is just drugs, I like drugs and testing nootropics; drugs help me cope with my disorders. (But to get drugs, I need money from a job.) I don't really care about anything else. I don't do anything; I'm always bored, so much BOREDOM. I wish I could at least relax and meditate or something, but I can't with these disorders.