Discussion Is it okay for opposite sex cousins to share the same bed?

[ericwilkinson]

My parents think otherwise but I'm not sure. I'm 22 and my cousin is 25. She's coming next month from Los Angeles here to Europe for two weeks.

The thing is, she is on the fence on it but obviously my parents have their rules since it's their house.

What I want to know is if it's weird to share a bed? They think it's insane and the only reason I don't see a problem with it is because of my Aspergers. However, I think not. The interesting thing is that they wouldn't have a problem if it's a male cousin.

I'm surprised because I thought in 2019, we'd have gotten rid of this gender issues. It's true that men and women are different but I don't see how that applies to sharing a bed. How can people claim to be adults and freak out at this stuff.

It's also a bit insulting. It assumes again that I might sexually assault her which is not the case.

Whose in the wrong here?

 

[Robbyna]

How does your cousin feel about it?

 

[bacardirum]

You are both adults, do what you like, just be careful, children of 1st cousins are usually always messed up. Is sleeping in same bed with a woman going to lead to anything other than sleep?

 

[Alchemist]

I just had the weirdest déja vu.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-and-woman-share-the-same-bed-together.14920/

 

[not_a_robot]

My parents think otherwise but I'm not sure. I'm 22 and my cousin is 25. She's coming next month from Los Angeles here to Europe for two weeks.

The thing is, she is on the fence on it but obviously my parents have their rules since it's their house.

What I want to know is if it's weird to share a bed? They think it's insane and the only reason I don't see a problem with it is because of my Aspergers. However, I think not. The interesting thing is that they wouldn't have a problem if it's a male cousin.

I'm surprised because I thought in 2019, we'd have gotten rid of this gender issues. It's true that men and women are different but I don't see how that applies to sharing a bed. How can people claim to be adults and freak out at this stuff.

It's also a bit insulting. It assumes again that I might sexually assault her which is not the case.

Whose in the wrong here?

Frankly you and your parents are both being very very weird about this.
An airbed or cot can be purchased on Amazon for under fifty dollars. Respect other people's personal space. Adult humans are unaccustomed to being physically close unless they expect sex, and families have a *lot* more sex with each other than you think. Neurotypicals basically have to have sex if they so much as brush past each other in a hallway. You should know this from observing their behavior. Fifty dollars. Airbed. Buy one.
If your cousin is the one pressuring you to share the bed with her, just make sure you use a condom for God's sake. Don't make any web-toed babies.
Edit to add:
And I don't think anybody thinks you might assault her, it's just that physical closeness makes people act irrationally and inappropriately due to the neurotoxins like oxytocin that are released by the body. Basically, touching leads to sex whether they intend for it or not. And your Asperger's doesn't make you immune to being affected by those neurotoxins, you just might perceive them differently. Even when nobody is being assaulted, humans "accidentally" have sex with people they didn't intend to, all the time.
Once the neurotoxin oxytocin is released, they are pretty much going to try to "accidentally" have sex with the nearest living thing. It's kind of gross, really. Also, if you and cousin didn't grow up together, the sexual response to physical closeness could be involuntary for both of you. You wouldn't have the instinctive boundary preventing sexual attraction that occurs with a close sibling, or someone you grew up with.

 

[FauxEmotions]

As you said, everyone involved are adults and shouldn't freak out about it. However, in America (except the south haha) I can see how people would think it's "weird" or "not normal". Personally I'd get, as someone suggested, a cot or air mattress just to give someone their personal space. Kids take baths all the time together of mixed genders and we don't bat an eye. If they can contain themselves, why can't adults?

 

[bacardirum]

As you said, everyone involved are adults and shouldn't freak out about it. However, in America (except the south haha) I can see how people would think it's "weird" or "not normal". Personally I'd get, as someone suggested, a cot or air mattress just to give someone their personal space. Kids take baths all the time together of mixed genders and we don't bat an eye. If they can contain themselves, why can't adults?

Quite a silly comment, putting two kids in a bed or bath together is completely different to two adults sharing a bed, kids do not want to f*ck one another or really understand sex...

 

[FauxEmotions]

Quite a silly comment, putting two kids in a bed or bath together is completely different to two adults sharing a bed, kids do not want to f*ck one another or really understand sex...

I've never wanted to fuck a relative... even remotely close to that...

 

[bacardirum]

I've never wanted to fuck a relative... even remotely close to that...

I never said you did :), I said your point about how kids can contain themselves is irrelevant to his situation. Kids are not thinking sexually when sharing a bed, like two adults might.

 

[FauxEmotions]

I never said you did :), I said your point about how kids can contain themselves is irrelevant to his situation. Kids are not thinking sexually when sharing a bed, like two adults might.

Right but the OP is referring to a relative... so sex wouldn't even be a thought. Well, I shouldn't say wouldn't because everyone is different, but wouldn't adults be able to contain their sexual desires in that situation? Kids are constantly questioning/exploring wouldn't they be more inclined to act on their innate desires than adults?

 

[bacardirum]

I maybe think different, my mind-frame and why his parents etc do not think it's right is exactly for that reason, sex, 2 adults in a bed, sex can easily happen. He should just sleep on the floor, they maybe end up having sex anyway, but then she will have to leave the bed and initiate it, or she will invite him up.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I legit chuckled when I read this question Lol. Thanks for making my day a little less unbearable.
Edit: Oh, and to answer your question, I don't see anything inherently wrong with cousins sharing the same bed, but I'm sure that your cousin would like a bit of personal space, no matter the gender.

 

[not_a_robot]

As you said, everyone involved are adults and shouldn't freak out about it. However, in America (except the south haha) I can see how people would think it's "weird" or "not normal". Personally I'd get, as someone suggested, a cot or air mattress just to give someone their personal space. Kids take baths all the time together of mixed genders and we don't bat an eye. If they can contain themselves, why can't adults?

Because the purpose of an adult human body is to breed. That's why. And it's full of neurotoxins whose purpose is to compel breeding behavior whether it's a good idea or not.

Right but the OP is referring to a relative... so sex wouldn't even be a thought. Well, I shouldn't say wouldn't because everyone is different, but wouldn't adults be able to contain their sexual desires in that situation? Kids are constantly questioning/exploring wouldn't they be more inclined to act on their innate desires than adults?

lol you can't possibly be naive enough to imagine that family members are incapable of having sex with each other.
And if adults could control their breeding urges, half the human species would never have n
been born

 

[FauxEmotions]

I

Because the purpose of an adult human body is to breed. That's why. And it's full of neurotoxins whose purpose is to compel breeding behavior whether it's a good idea or not.

lol you can't possibly be naive enough to imagine that family members are incapable of having sex with each other.
And if adults could control their breeding urges, half the human species would never have n
been born

I didn't say family members are incapable of having sex with each other, hence my joke about the southern United States. I'm saying it's not typical for family to interbreed...

I'm sorry y'all seem unable to control your sexual desires so much.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

To be honest it sounds pretty hot.

 

[not_a_robot]

I


I didn't say family members are incapable of having sex with each other, hence my joke about the southern United States. I'm saying it's not typical for family to interbreed...

I'm sorry y'all seem unable to control your sexual desires so much.

I'm sorry you're so naive and unobservant of typical human sexual behavior.

 

[FauxEmotions]

I'm sorry you're so naive and unobservant of typical human sexual behavior.

I'll gladly be the odd ball who isn't sexually attracted to my own family.

To be honest it sounds pretty hot.

Hahaha

 

[ericwilkinson]

I


I didn't say family members are incapable of having sex with each other, hence my joke about the southern United States. I'm saying it's not typical for family to interbreed...

I'm sorry y'all seem unable to control your sexual desires so much.

Ya, I'm actually surprised by this.

I mean, genitals aren't magnets lol....

 

[FauxEmotions]

Ya, I'm actually surprised by this.

I mean, genitals aren't magnets lol....

Thank you! You summed up all of my rants with a simple sentence.

 

[bacardirum]

Just sleep with her then if no magnetism, it's completely normal...

 

[Person]

I don't think there's anything wrong, you're both adults.
I, however, wouldn't expect to share a bed with some one I was staying with. I'd expect to sleep on the floor or on the sofa. Whether you are related or not, or expecting anything or not, it usually makes people uncomfortable to share their personal space with people they don't know well or see too often.
Do you struggle with defining personal space as a part of your aspergers?
Tell me to mind my own business if you like.

 

[Paisley]

i think it's fine as long as there's no sexual attraction from either of you towards the other. i'm bisexual and i've shared a bed with a girl i was not sexually attracted to and who was not sexually attracted to me and nothing happened... just because you're attracted to girls doesn't mean you're attracted to that girl in particular.

 

[ericwilkinson]

I don't think there's anything wrong, you're both adults.
I, however, wouldn't expect to share a bed with some one I was staying with. I'd expect to sleep on the floor or on the sofa. Whether you are related or not, or expecting anything or not, it usually makes people uncomfortable to share their personal space with people they don't know well or see too often.
Do you struggle with defining personal space as a part of your aspergers?
Tell me to mind my own business if you like.

No, you're right. It's not about gender or family but general personal space.]

i think it's fine as long as there's no sexual attraction from either of you towards the other. i'm bisexual and I've shared a bed with a girl i was not sexually attracted to and who was not sexually attracted to me and nothing happened... just because you're attracted to girls doesn't mean you're attracted to that girl in particular.

Are you male? Was it your parents who were okay with it? If so, they're pretty progressive.

But I wonder whether you and your friend are anomalies. Not in a bad way, perhaps asexual, but most people wouldn't be able to do it.

 

[Paisley]

Are you male? Was it your parents who were okay with it? If so, they're pretty progressive.

But I wonder whether you and your friend are anomalies. Not in a bad way, perhaps asexual, but most people wouldn't be able to do it.

i'm female. her parents were okay with it even though they knew my sexual orientation because me and her have been friends since elementary school and i've never tried to hit on her, i guess. plus she's hetero. even if she wasn't, i'm not into her in that way.

it's entirely possible that my experience is an outlier. neither of us are asexual, though.

 

[ericwilkinson]

i'm female. her parents were okay with it even though they knew my sexual orientation because me and her have been friends since elementary school and i've never tried to hit on her, i guess. plus she's hetero. even if she wasn't, i'm not into her in that way.

it's entirely possible that my experience is an outlier. neither of us are asexual, though.

The thing is though, you're both female and I would wage that most parents would be okay with same sex sleepovers definitely not opposite. In my scenario, I'm sleeping with an opposite sex cousin which is a double whammy, a relative and one who is female.

 

[Paisley]

The thing is though, you're both female and I would wage that most parents would be okay with same sex sleepovers definitely not opposite. In my scenario, I'm sleeping with an opposite sex cousin which is a double whammy, a relative and one who is female.

that's true. i'd wager that most people would consider you and her sharing a bed as inappropriate. this stance seems to be akin to the 'men and women can never be friends without eventually fucking' frame of mind, which is another common belief i disagree with. personally, i would say it depends on how close you two are. and by that i mean that if you grew up sharing the same bed together on multiple occasions and that's an established part of your relationship... then it's much different than if you two have never done this before.

 

[cornflowerblue]

My parents think otherwise but I'm not sure. I'm 22 and my cousin is 25. She's coming next month from Los Angeles here to Europe for two weeks.

The thing is, she is on the fence on it but obviously my parents have their rules since it's their house.

What I want to know is if it's weird to share a bed? They think it's insane and the only reason I don't see a problem with it is because of my Aspergers. However, I think not. The interesting thing is that they wouldn't have a problem if it's a male cousin.

I'm surprised because I thought in 2019, we'd have gotten rid of this gender issues. It's true that men and women are different but I don't see how that applies to sharing a bed. How can people claim to be adults and freak out at this stuff.

It's also a bit insulting. It assumes again that I might sexually assault her which is not the case.

Whose in the wrong here?

What does your cousin want?

 

[Severen]

Sure if she doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. Otherwise, you two might start screwing each other. You don't think people can be sexually attracted to cousins? Not true. And it's very common. It's just most people try to avoid that kind of stuff due to the negative consequences. And most, not all... In some parts of the world, it's okay to get with your cousin. And I'm not just talking about some rural parts of the USA. I'm also talking about rural parts of Europe as well. And it seen as something normal for most of human history, as well. I guess when people live in villages and towns that are isolated, they can't afford to be so picky. Now sexual relationships between brother and sister was always seen as disgusting, even back to the days of ancient Rome. One time I went on a date with a sexy redhead. Well we both found out, we are distant cousins... Her grandfather was a brother of one of my grandfathers. We didn't know at first because she had a step dad and took his last name... And even to this day, I'm like, damn, I should have made moves on her. Because I don't give a shit about what society says is wrong or not anymore.

that's true. i'd wager that most people would consider you and her sharing a bed as inappropriate. this stance seems to be akin to the 'men and women can never be friends without eventually fucking' frame of mind, which is another common belief i disagree with. personally, i would say it depends on how close you two are. and by that i mean that if you grew up sharing the same bed together on multiple occasions and that's an established part of your relationship... then it's much different than if you two have never done this before.

Biology wants to have a word with you unless you mean one of them is so hideous, nobody can be attracted to him or her.

I'm sorry you're so naive and unobservant of typical human sexual behavior.

THIS.

 

[Divine Trinity]

"worst-case" scenario you have sex with your cousin... So what? I mean so long as there's no STD/I's or pregnancy, what long term harm other than some well-earned shame?

The only difference between adults and children is sex, yet the "adults" act like a 13 year old school girl over it. Most likely nobody is going to do anything except sleep, because it turns out half the population aren't rapist or Bonobos on viagra.

 

[Morphinekiss]

What does your cousin want?

This. Most important answer to the whole situation.