![Qua](/data/avatars/l/62/62289.jpg?1683248256)
Qua
there's no turning back now
- Apr 30, 2023
- 73
Around a month ago I stopped taking my antidepressants for a few weeks (I kept forgetting to take them, then didn't have strength) and my mental health spiraled down. I haven't felt this bad for a long time, no breaks, in a few years. Always when I broke down it would last maximum a couple hours. Here, however, without my medication it kept going and kept getting worse with each day.
I'm feeling better now since I started taking my meds again, but here comes the question: why do I want to go back to that state? English is not my first language and so can't wrap in words how bad I've been feeling, how really low I was. I started self harming again, abusing calming medication to drug myself so I don't feel anything. Thoughts of suicide were so loud in my head I think If I hadn't taken my meds again I would've been dead by now.
Of course I still feel bad. I'm still depressed and family issues keep being the biggest and most harmful problem that I can't escape, but I'm nowhere close to the state I've been in before. Why do I want to come back to it? To make myself struggle, to make myself break down completely?
I heard that when you feel the same terrible way for a longer period of time, you begin to find comfort in it. I don't know how true it is since I've never tried to understand if it applies to me, but I have no other idea for the cause of my thoughts
I'm feeling better now since I started taking my meds again, but here comes the question: why do I want to go back to that state? English is not my first language and so can't wrap in words how bad I've been feeling, how really low I was. I started self harming again, abusing calming medication to drug myself so I don't feel anything. Thoughts of suicide were so loud in my head I think If I hadn't taken my meds again I would've been dead by now.
Of course I still feel bad. I'm still depressed and family issues keep being the biggest and most harmful problem that I can't escape, but I'm nowhere close to the state I've been in before. Why do I want to come back to it? To make myself struggle, to make myself break down completely?
I heard that when you feel the same terrible way for a longer period of time, you begin to find comfort in it. I don't know how true it is since I've never tried to understand if it applies to me, but I have no other idea for the cause of my thoughts