Is it my time?

[Kit1]

I am so tired, in pain and just want to give up. I am trying to hang on, but I think maybe the end is near - but I have been here before. I stopped taking my prescribed medicines during the summer and refuse to engage with medical services and realise that I will have to go away to die soon. I cannot stay at home when this pain and tiredness worsens as I don't want my family worrying about me and seeing me deteriorate. I would rather go away and hide in a place where there aren't any human beings - will need to leave the car and all possessions that could be traced to me as I only want to be found after I have gone - I decided that I will never be treated by the hospital A &E services or any GP's surgeries due to the manner in which I was treated. Just not sure whether to go away now or wait and see if I can beat the pain and tiredness? If I go to where I am planning, I will never be able to get out of there unless I am quite fit as it will be a difficult place to physically get out of alive - so I don't run the risk of surviving unless I recover. My children will be so upset when they find out that I am dead after I die and I don't want them to be traumatised. But if I deteriorate any further, I have no choice as there is no dignity or respect for the patient by the services that I have seen recently. Perhaps I will make the decision tomorrow. Any advice?