Is it love or limerence?

[huifu]

I won't be able to talk about my personal experience with it here since it hurts too much. But I want to know, have you dealt with limerence in the past? How do you know when it's love and when it's limerence?
Is it limerence if you know their flaws and it's a relationship that it's not going to end well but you still want to try?

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

Love - You can walk away maturely and endure the pain.
Limerence - You are completely unable to detach yourself in a healthy manner.

 

[ElTopo]

I don't think it makes sense to attach these kind of etiquettes to these things especially. Att he end you are trying to cage into language something that escapes definition, because you think it will help in your judgment, but it won't.
So what if you think it won't end well? Love is rarely rational, and wouldn't you regret it if you let this opportunity pass without acting?

 

[Dejected 55]

Limerance is one of the latest buzzwords. People latch onto things and it spreads. Same thing as when a TV show gets popular and suddenly there are 20 clones of that type of TV show being made until everyone is sick of it.

Limerance popped into the forefront at some point and is suddenly everywhere, but it is largely describing unrequited love.

Also, what about when you're in a long-term relationship whether married or just long-term, and suddenly your partner wants out... doesn't explain adequately... just wants out... and you struggle to let go of that relationship? Everything you will go through in that scenario will be the same as what people describe as you having limerance... except it isn't.

There are certainly unhealthy attachments and ways you torment yourself that are tough to break... but I hate when all of a sudden everything is a buzzword. ADHD was a popular one for a while, suddenly everyone had ADHD and needed to be treated. It is way overdiagnosed because it's easy to look from a distance and see something and yell and point "ADHD!"

It's happening with Autism too. On the one hand we have people denying autism is a thing at all... on the other hand we have people quick to label everyone with a minor difference from the supposed norm as being on the autism spectrum. It does a disservice to people who actually have autism to be lumped in with people who have other things going on AND its a disservice to people being misdiagnosed who aren't getting help they can actually use.

For a while a lot of people had PTSD too... there are people with PTSD, but so many people labeled as having it that don't.

I could go on...

Limerance in this context is the same thing. Suddenly it feels like you know something when you can point at someone and say "limerance!" as if you know them or anything about them...

I'm not saying limerance isn't even a real thing... although, to be fair, as I began with... a lot of what is labeled as limerance is what people used to call a crush or then unrequited love... so I'm not sure it is a different thing... but label someone with unrequited love vs limerance and the same person with the same experience gets a completely different "treatment" for some reason.

And, for what it's worth... for as much as doctors mis- and overdiagnose... most of the people you hear saying "limerance" are in no way qualified to be making that assertion in the first place.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I won't be able to talk about my personal experience with it here since it hurts too much. But I want to know, have you dealt with limerence in the past? How do you know when it's love and when it's limerence?
Is it limerence if you know their flaws and it's a relationship that it's not going to end well but you still want to try?

Love is when you love someone for who they are as a person. And limerence is when you love an idealised version of them, that you created in your head. Just ask yourself, do you really know them? Do you genuinely like them for who they are, or is it just a meaningless infatuation.