Is it insane to hope for a miracle?

[disjuj]

I'm extremely suicidal due to an orthodontist botching my face and health due to removing perfectly good teeth for no reason. I was 10 when it first happened and it happened again at 20. I'm 21 now and I'm suffering from sleep apnea, my hair has been shedding nonstop, and my face has seemed to collapse. I can't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore.

I want to ctb to leave this hellish world that has taken away my face and health just because I was unlucky, but for some reason I have a tiny spark of hope very deep down. Most days I feel extremely suicidal and cannot get out of bed and keep thinking that ctb is the only way out, but I secretly wish for a miracle like my teeth grow back or I find something to help. I know the chances of that are very slim. Am I insane? Should I just accept my fate that it probably won't be able to reverse? I don't know what is possible anymore.

 

[Sutter]

Reasonable.

Seems reasonable to me to look for a solution in depth. May be cost prohibitive but might be an answer. Dental implants plants perhaps. Hair falling out seems unrelated, like there may be another issue.

May have to root a fair bit to feel sure of the possibilities.

Not a miracle man myself, more a lucks grace. Not a solid reason to base a soul but good enough to wish for one. Just don't let the wish eat you.

I don't think you're insane but then I don't exactly accept things either. Can't really be of another mind there. I fix things I can and it's people that I accept. Move a mountain with a spoon, ok. Want the love of another? Well that's an acceptance, can't force it.

Not to insane for wanting a change, a difference.

 

[disjuj]

Reasonable.

Seems reasonable to me to look for a solution in depth. May be cost prohibitive but might be an answer. Dental implants plants perhaps. Hair falling out seems unrelated, like there may be another issue.

May have to root a fair bit to feel sure of the possibilities.

Not a miracle man myself, more a lucks grace. Not a solid reason to base a soul but good enough to wish for one. Just don't let the wish eat you.

I don't think you're insane but then I don't exactly accept things either. Can't really be of another mind there. I fix things I can and it's people that I accept. Move a mountain with a spoon, ok. Want the love of another? Well that's an acceptance, can't force it.

Not to insane for wanting a change, a difference.

Thanks for your response, it's been about a year and I've been trying to look for solutions the whole time but it's hard when they closed the space where the teeth were which is what caused the issues. I wish the hair shedding wasn't due to it but it started right after, and I've always had very thick hair. I've been recommended many things but there's no way I would do surgery.

Acceptance is hard because it's really something I didn't choose, especially when I was a kid. I've been told I'm insane for my reaction to this my parents and some others, but I don't know. And sometimes I also feel insane to think there's a way to fix this when many say it's not possible.

Maybe it takes time and something will pop up, or being absolutely certain and having infallible belief, but that's something very hard to muster at the moment.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Tough to accept yes. But not as emotionally painful as false hope backfiring on you when the miracle down not occur.

There is a bright side to this. Ya won't get stuck with a shallow partner reliant on "good" appearances.

I wouldn't consider you insane by any means for hoping for a miracle. It's just a sad false hope, not insane. There is nothing wrong with you for having the feelings you have. It is valid. The question is, do you desire to put in the hard work to shape your own emotional mentality? As opposed to it shaping you.

 

[disjuj]

Tough to accept yes. But not as emotionally painful as false hope backfiring on you when the miracle down not occur.

There is a bright side to this. Ya won't get stuck with a shallow partner reliant on "good" appearances.

I wouldn't consider you insane by any means for hoping for a miracle. It's just a sad false hope, not insane. There is nothing wrong with you for having the feelings you have. It is valid. The question is, do you desire to put in the hard work to shape your own emotional mentality? As opposed to it shaping you.

I don't think there is a bright side from my point of view, especially when it badly affects my health. And I don't think I can just accept that a sketchy "professional" has ruined my health and my face either. I don't think any emotional work can be done to fix the physical aspects of it inflicting pain and torment.

This is why to me there is either a solution, or I can't live on. Maybe that's a warped view, but it's my view nonetheless.

 

[iji]

Here's the thing, hoping for a miracle is actually the healthy thing to do, tricking your mind with positive affirmations, and dissociation basically: "Thank you, thanks that I'm able to walk, to see, to use my body, that I'm able to live another day, thanks that I can still pursue wellbeing and a happy life within my constraints, thanks that I have basic needs met like food and shelter, etc", but also for the things you want and you don't have right now (dissociation): "thanks that I have a beautiful smile now that I was able to fix them through medical procedures etc, thanks so much that I have a beautiful and healthy face looking so wonderful and gracious, etc". Now, also take these negative feelings, put an image, color, sound, etc, and slowly turn that into something positive and comfortable instead. These kinda of things helped me while going though agonizing pain for example. If you can use your mind, it can be very powerful source to keeping going forward and reaching what you want. Because thoughts are real, part of physical world, and so we need them to push us forward.

And I'm sorry that all sounds painful. Like, sleep apnea sounds worrisome. What do you mean by your facing collapsing? What is the medical term for that?

On hair shedding, that could be so many things, but I wouldn't worry about it so much, it's just hair after all. But take into account if you use any drugs that may be inducing that, lack of vitamins, hair treatment/hydration, etc (dermatology stuff).

About teeth, you could look into implants and the like. I know people who have done that for all their teeth due to medical conditions fro example and now they look great (of course, it's a painful procedure, but they seemed to recover well).

From all of this, for me what sounds the most worrisome is sleep apnea.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

I don't think there is a bright side from my point of view, especially when it badly affects my health. And I don't think I can just accept that a sketchy "professional" has ruined my health and my face either. I don't think any emotional work can be done to fix the physical aspects of it inflicting pain and torment.

This is why to me there is either a solution, or I can't live on. Maybe that's a warped view, but it's my view nonetheless.

Of course if you insist on torturing yourself you will feel tortured. As long as you believe you can't, you won't
It is entirely up to you. No one can change your mind except yourself.

 

[disjuj]

Of course if you insist on torturing yourself you will feel tortured. As long as you believe you can't, you won't
It is entirely up to you. No one can change your mind except yourself.

I am not strong enough to accept and live the rest of my life with a body and face that was artificially made worse by someone else who had no regard for me. Call it torturing myself for feeling that way sure. The real torture is the mental trauma and physical problems that arose from this, that is something that cannot disappear.

Here's the thing, hoping for a miracle is actually the healthy thing to do, tricking your mind with positive affirmations, and dissociation basically: "Thank you, thanks that I'm able to walk, to see, to use my body, that I'm able to live another day, thanks that I can still pursue wellbeing and a happy life within my constraints, thanks that I have basic needs met like food and shelter, etc", but also for the things you want and you don't have right now (dissociation): "thanks that I have a beautiful smile now that I was able to fix them through medical procedures etc, thanks so much that I have a beautiful and healthy face looking so wonderful and gracious, etc". Now, also take these negative feelings, put an image, color, sound, etc, and slowly turn that into something positive and comfortable instead. These kinda of things helped me while going though agonizing pain for example. If you can use your mind, it can be very powerful source to keeping going forward and reaching what you want. Because thoughts are real, part of physical world, and so we need them to push us forward.

And I'm sorry that all sounds painful. Like, sleep apnea sounds worrisome. What do you mean by your facing collapsing? What is the medical term for that?

On hair shedding, that could be so many things, but I wouldn't worry about it so much, it's just hair after all. But take into account if you use any drugs that may be inducing that, lack of vitamins, hair treatment/hydration, etc (dermatology stuff).

About teeth, you could look into implants and the like. I know people who have done that for all their teeth due to medical conditions fro example and now they look great (of course, it's a painful procedure, but they seemed to recover well).

From all of this, for me what sounds the most worrisome is sleep apnea.

Sadly implants are not really an option, they closed the space where the teeth used to be which flattened and "collapsed" my face. If you would like to know more about it look up consequences of premolar extraction retraction for braces. The sleep apnea and hair shedding came during and right after the procedure was done with, and I feel more dysregulated which I think could be because of the bite they left me with.

I have been looking for many solutions but nothing can truly reverse what happened. And it didn't need to happen either, I obviously wouldn't have done it if the orthodontist told me these risks were involved, but that doesn't make them money. This is why I am feeling so distraught over it, no matter what I can do there is no true way to fix what happened.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Yes, scars are permanent. But whether aware or not no one is in control of your state of mind except for yourself.

 

[Jack_Nimble]