Venting Is it impossible to CTB for some?

[sancta-simplicitas]

I've always been envious of those who manages to go through with it. I'm so scared that I'll never be brave enough. I was listening to this podcast about suicide and they interviewed someone who said that not everyone can CTB, that there needs to be a genetic component to determine whether you can do it or not. I don't know if I believe that since psychiatry likes to blame genetics for a shitload of things without any evidence but I'm so scared it's true. That I because of genetics will be condemned to be forced to live in this torture for heaven knows how many years. There's only been once I got close to it, I was in the darkest place I've ever been and slept with my neck in a tight noose, still I didn't do it. I feel like a coward for not having been able to go through with it and I desperately wonder how people get the courage. Benzos are out of the question because they don't reduce anxiety for me. Alcohol is an option. I am considering antidepressants since those tend to increase suicidality in the beginning of the treatment. Sadly I hate the side effects.

 

[sadalways]

I'm scared i won't be brave enough either, which is why i tend to hold off and make dumb excuses for myself, hoping that it will get better even though i know for sure it will not. It really sucks being stuck here, but maybe one day that fear will go away.

BTW i am really curious, could you share which podcast it was? I'd love to listen.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I'm scared i won't be brave enough either, which is why i tend to hold off and make dumb excuses for myself, hoping that it will get better even though i know for sure it will not. It really sucks being stuck here, but maybe one day that fear will go away.

BTW i am really curious, could you share which podcast it was? I'd love to listen.

I'm so sorry to hear you can relate That last bit off hope that just won't leave is a curse. I've found - in my own situation - that even if it does get better, it always comes back. Life finds a way to crash down again. It's like getting toyed with. Losing over and over again. I hope that it's not the case for you or anyone else.

The podcast is P3 Dystopia. It's in Swedish though so there's a good chance you won't be able to listen, since... Well, it is statistically quite rare to understand Swedish lol

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Imo it has nothing to do with genetics it's a "simple" equation:

"The pain of death has to be less than the pain of life (going on living)"

It's just SI that makes us think we miss out on sth or we can't kill ourselves. If there wasn't SI live wouldn't be possible.

 

[sadalways]

I'm so sorry to hear you can relate That last bit off hope that just won't leave is a curse. I've found - in my own situation - that even if it does get better, it always comes back. Life finds a way to crash down again. It's like getting toyed with. Losing over and over again. I hope that it's not the case for you or anyone else.

The podcast is P3 Dystopia. It's in Swedish though so there's a good chance you won't be able to listen, since... Well, it is statistically quite rare to understand Swedish lol

I'm really sorry that you have to go through that too, it sounds horrible i really hope we can find peace.

Also well, unfortunate that it's in Swedish, unless i ever get the motivation to learn the language . Need to find some podcasts that speak about those things in english

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Imo it has nothing to do with genetics it's a "simple" equation:

"The pain of death has to be less than the pain of life (going on living)"

It's just SI that makes us think we miss out on sth or we can't kill ourselves. If there wasn't SI live wouldn't be possible.

I do wonder why SI seems to be stronger in some people than in others. It's cruel.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through that too, it sounds horrible i really hope we can find peace.

Also well, unfortunate that it's in Swedish, unless i ever get the motivation to learn the language . Need to find some podcasts that speak about those things in english

If you find, please share! The only ones I found when I searched on Spotify at least was pro-life crap. I have a few Swedish episodes that are more factual in nature and those are comforting.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I do wonder why SI seems to be stronger in some people than in others. It's cruel.

That's not what I'm saying.

The slightest piece of hope can make SI so much stronger - even if CTB is the most logical decision we can ever make. Our brains don't work logic like a computer in most cases.

 

[Forveleth]

...they interviewed someone who said that not everyone can CTB, that there needs to be a genetic component to determine whether you can do it or not. I don't know if I believe that since psychiatry likes to blame genetics for a shitload of things without any evidence...

And here is the rub. Do not believe medical/science claims without good data behind them. I would love to know the study (if it exists) the person is speaking about.

I have huge doubts about this. Thousands commit suicide every year without having their DNA studied so I have no idea where these conclusions could come from.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

And here is the rub. Do not believe medical/science claims without good data behind them. I would love to know the study (if it exists) the person is speaking about.

I have huge doubts about this. Thousands commit suicide every year without having their DNA studied so I have no idea where these conclusions could come from.

Psychiatry likes to blame suffering on genetics as a way of pushing drugs on people. There is usually no tangible science behind it, though that part scared me senseless and fear isn't the most rational. I do know that podcast makes an effort to gather sources for each episode, I can see whether I can get to them.

 

[Reflection]

Imo it has nothing to do with genetics it's a "simple" equation:

"The pain of death has to be less than the pain of life (going on living)"

It's just SI that makes us think we miss out on sth or we can't kill ourselves. If there wasn't SI live wouldn't be possible.

Actually I think it has more to do with the pain of the method. I'm sure a lot of peoole would love to check out immediately if they have the means to do so easily and painlessly.

 

[Pon]

I think a large factor I have seen for many and felt for myself is the fear of the unknown.
Some temporary pain is nothing for me compared to the thought of what comes after.
What if it's worse or a hassle? And what if there is absolutely nothing? The chance of failure can also deter some. Perhaps a bit selfish to admit, but I would not like to lose myself and my sentience in a proposed afterlife.

This, coupled with SI for just about most readily accessible methods and there is no question that it takes a noteworthy amount of bravery to go through with CTB.
Thus why I do not think anyone should be ashamed of not being able to do it, or getting cold feet when push comes to shove!