KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,801
Pain can often be subjective, especially when it relates to emotions and feelings. What is an insurmountable mountain to one person could be considered a molehill to another. It is a deeply personal and individualised perception that can't really be quantified.
Hence, we can't really make a logical judgement about what is a valid or invalid reason to feel suicidal, because the threshold of pain differs for everyone. There are reasons for my ctb desires that others may feel that they could handle, yet that doesn't make my pain or theirs any less soul destroying. We all have to make these judgement calls for ourselves.
When it comes to relationships, romantic or not, they can have a tremendous impact on a person's psyche and influence the direction of each person's lives from the moment that bond has formed.
Unconsciously, we are constantly forming memories of our interactions with others and learning from them. We become accustomed to their presence in our lives, and when that connection is suddenly snuffed out, it can leave scars that last a lifetime if that broken bond is deep enough.
I think when people visualise suicidality as a consequence of a break up, they tend to imagine a high school teenager with low impulse control, who cannot see past the present heartbreak. Of course, a teenager is far more likely to heal from the loss of a puppy love romance than a 50 year old widow who has built up a life around their partner. Assuming that someone who has gone through a break up is acting like an immature child severely downplays the intense pain that can result from losing a treasured connection.
The older you get, the harder and harder it becomes to gain new relationships and maintain them. When someone is already quite isolated, and loses their partner, in today's day and age, this tends to cut out the majority of their social circle if they do not already have a strong support pillar of friends and family. It is understandable how losing that could drive someone to despair.
As someone said earlier in this thread too, a partner can become your everything, when you've previously had nothing. Like it or not, your brain is going to catalogue and store that subconsciously and everything in the future is going to build off past experiences. When what was a stable source of purpose and motivation suddenly disappears, it can and will drive you mad.
Wounds don't even have to result from deeply intimate, positive romantic relationships. They can be platonic, or toxic and abusive, and often severing these will leave you with even more heartache and trauma than the happy, fulfilling ones, because you feel guilty for wanting them back.
I made my first friend when I was 12 years old, and for many years I considered her my best friend, despite her often making my life a living hell. As a consequence of bring autistic I feverently craved any semblance of normality, and for once in my life I had found another "weird" person who accepted me.
Even though I never developed strong romantic feelings for her, only a fleeting little crush, the moment she decided to completely ostracise me it tore me to pieces. We had sat next to each other in school for 6 years straight, we had lunch together every single day, and even wrote roleplays together. She had already subtlety bullied me for quite some time, but when we became adults she ensured that I was completely alone at our extremely small university, by pretending that I didn't exist.
While it isn't one of my main reasons for catching the bus, losing my first real friend still eats at me quite often and adds to my pain. The older we get, the more weight we have to carry as a result of accumulating losses and tragedies, and there's only so much weight a person can bear before they collapse.
Hence, we can't really make a logical judgement about what is a valid or invalid reason to feel suicidal, because the threshold of pain differs for everyone. There are reasons for my ctb desires that others may feel that they could handle, yet that doesn't make my pain or theirs any less soul destroying. We all have to make these judgement calls for ourselves.
When it comes to relationships, romantic or not, they can have a tremendous impact on a person's psyche and influence the direction of each person's lives from the moment that bond has formed.
Unconsciously, we are constantly forming memories of our interactions with others and learning from them. We become accustomed to their presence in our lives, and when that connection is suddenly snuffed out, it can leave scars that last a lifetime if that broken bond is deep enough.
I think when people visualise suicidality as a consequence of a break up, they tend to imagine a high school teenager with low impulse control, who cannot see past the present heartbreak. Of course, a teenager is far more likely to heal from the loss of a puppy love romance than a 50 year old widow who has built up a life around their partner. Assuming that someone who has gone through a break up is acting like an immature child severely downplays the intense pain that can result from losing a treasured connection.
The older you get, the harder and harder it becomes to gain new relationships and maintain them. When someone is already quite isolated, and loses their partner, in today's day and age, this tends to cut out the majority of their social circle if they do not already have a strong support pillar of friends and family. It is understandable how losing that could drive someone to despair.
As someone said earlier in this thread too, a partner can become your everything, when you've previously had nothing. Like it or not, your brain is going to catalogue and store that subconsciously and everything in the future is going to build off past experiences. When what was a stable source of purpose and motivation suddenly disappears, it can and will drive you mad.
Wounds don't even have to result from deeply intimate, positive romantic relationships. They can be platonic, or toxic and abusive, and often severing these will leave you with even more heartache and trauma than the happy, fulfilling ones, because you feel guilty for wanting them back.
I made my first friend when I was 12 years old, and for many years I considered her my best friend, despite her often making my life a living hell. As a consequence of bring autistic I feverently craved any semblance of normality, and for once in my life I had found another "weird" person who accepted me.
Even though I never developed strong romantic feelings for her, only a fleeting little crush, the moment she decided to completely ostracise me it tore me to pieces. We had sat next to each other in school for 6 years straight, we had lunch together every single day, and even wrote roleplays together. She had already subtlety bullied me for quite some time, but when we became adults she ensured that I was completely alone at our extremely small university, by pretending that I didn't exist.
While it isn't one of my main reasons for catching the bus, losing my first real friend still eats at me quite often and adds to my pain. The older we get, the more weight we have to carry as a result of accumulating losses and tragedies, and there's only so much weight a person can bear before they collapse.
