Discussion Is it even about happiness?

[CountingSeconds]

Everyone exists at the centre of their own universe, so this may not be a straight answer and I appreciate all views.

But for you, is it even about happiness when you're asked why you want to end your life?

I have experienced happiness. Fleeting, occasional glances. I've seen what happiness is by seeing those that are happy. But I still look at them and think, "I don't want that."

And that seems so strange to me. I can see it in others but I don't want it. Perhaps because I know, or feel, that it's just a band aid over my true feelings.

I can be happy, in moments, but even in those moments I don't want to live. So is it even about happiness? And if not, then what?

 

[wildflowers1996]

for me it is, yes
I wish I could be happy
and not suffer

 

[ijustwishtodie]

For me, it's more so about suffering than happiness. I want to be dead to minimise suffering

 

[divinemistress36]

I just want peace

 

[FuneralCry]

No, honestly I don't even believe in the idea of "happiness", for me existing as a human is a futile, torturous imposition, I'd never wish for something so evil as existence where there is unlimited potential for pain, torment and suffering, only non-existence is desirable to me. Being conscious and aware is a curse, I never wish to experience anything again.

 

[sserafim]

There's an asymmetry in life. The pain will always outweigh the pleasure. This makes life not worth living for me. I don't care about happiness; I just want to end my suffering. Sadly, suffering is inevitable due to the fact that there are endless ways to suffer when alive. Suffering is a guaranteed part of life. Buddhists say that "life is suffering". The only way to stop suffering once and for all is by dying and therefore becoming non-existent.

 

[Final_Choice]

I just want peace

Me too, I just want to finally rest and be at peace.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

Everyone exists at the centre of their own universe, so this may not be a straight answer and I appreciate all views.

But for you, is it even about happiness when you're asked why you want to end your life?

I have experienced happiness. Fleeting, occasional glances. I've seen what happiness is by seeing those that are happy. But I still look at them and think, "I don't want that."

And that seems so strange to me. I can see it in others but I don't want it. Perhaps because I know, or feel, that it's just a band aid over my true feelings.

I can be happy, in moments, but even in those moments I don't want to live. So is it even about happiness? And if not, then what?

If someone were to ask me why I wanted to end my life (supposing I'm in such a mind state), I don't think I'd have any words to exactly answer why. To answer why, I'd need to explain to them how life is from my perspective and why it doesn't make sense to me. Most people cannot reconcile this perspective, not through a fault of their own, but purely because they haven't lived through my perspective.

I can safely say that it was never about happiness, nor about anything that is related to living experiences. It was all about reconciling my existence with others, or just plainly making sense of other people. I cannot see how some people just aren't driven mad by how absurd life is. I think it takes a whole another degree of madness to just exist happily.

 

[deathslament]

Happiness is fleeting and is used to force suicidal to stay alive.

 

[theboy]

Maybe you are confused about happiness and your feelings. When I'm asked that question, it's not just about happiness, it's about the meaning of my life.

 

[Tapioca]

I don't really think about it in terms of being happy.

I just don't want to feel so anxious, sick, and tired, but maybe why I want to go is different. not happy just not in pain.

 

[tronix]

It's all about being at peace. No anxiety, no overthinking. No loneliness.

 

[PointlesslyLiving]

Yes but it has to be long term and outweigh pain/dullness, unfortunately that isn't my case so even though I'm not completely devoid of happiness all the time I'm still not "happy enough" to see a point in living. I believe only rich people and monks have the level of happiness I'd need in order to find life worth living.