Is it crueler to phone goodbye when it's too late to stop or to say nothing and let them find out after?

[orangepulp]

Not sure if I should phone my mum goodbye or not. I'd like to talk to her but I don't want her to feel guilty like she has to try and stop me in time. I am going to take SN and will phone her halfway through the time it's supposed to kill you. So even if she phoned someone and they tried to find me it'd be too late.

But I want whatever would be easier for her. Would it be easier to just get told by police after the fact?

 

[Frank]

It will take a bit to knock you out but takes a lot longer to actually kill you so this might not be the best idea. I've wondered the same tho but regarding my best friend since i know she understands and wouldn't try to stop me

 

[JustVisiting]

Calling your mum to say goodbye in the middle sounds a bit cruel. And a good way to be interrupted.

 

[Rena rossy]

I think it sound cruel, because if you are completely sure of your decision and try to call hee, she will feel impotent (don't know if I am using the wrong word) but she will feel even if she wad listening to you... She was not able to do anything... So, either way it is going to affect her but... In my opinion, a call would be worst

 

[BipolarExpat]

It's a nice enough sentiment but...I think that call would most likely turn on itself and go very badly. You'd be putting her into a position that no one really deserves to be in.
It is unfortunate as I (and most here) understand your reasoning.

 

[voyager]

I think it sound cruel, because if you are completely sure of your decision and try to call hee, she will feel impotent (don't know if I am using the wrong word) but she will feel even if she wad listening to you... She was not able to do anything... So, either way it is going to affect her but... In my opinion, a call would be worst

The word fits perfectly. I remember these calls from 9/11 and despite everyone being aware how grave the situation was, some couldn't come to terms with it and kept on telling them how it was going to be okay, when everyone knew it wouldn't be. Some took comfort from these calls, others though have been traumatised by having someone alive on the other end of the phone while not being able to help them in any way.

I feel it's not a good idea. Maybe a delayed/recorded voicemail would be better?

 

[orangepulp]

Hmm yeah I was thinking the same as you guys. Just sad cos I wanted to say goodbye to I would rather minimise her any guilt or sadness.

 

[JustVisiting]

Hmm yeah I was thinking the same as you guys. Just sad cos I wanted to say goodbye to I would rather minimise her any guilt or sadness.

calling her during will not minimise her sadness. perhaps (if you are geographically close) you could spend some time with her.

 

[Thereisnothing]

If you call her to tell her it will destroy her, if you dont and the Police are the ones to break the news, it will destroy her. Neither will be 'easier' if you think about it. This is always what I think about with CTB, that there will be those left. The shock and loss would be the same.

 

[jgm63]

Sadly I don't know that there's an easy answer to this, other than to say that a phone call seems like a bad idea.
Perhaps just try to write the best note that you can....

 

[JustAnotherSuicider]

It's bad idea because she can call for emergency services and you will be interrupted. And what you want to achieve by calling her in the middle of suicide? There is no point in doing that. Just write a note or something.