Discussion Is it better to leave a Suicide Note or not?

[SuicideMonkey123]

I am confused. On one hand, my parents might feel guilty that they were responsible(which they were not) if I don't leave a suicide note, but on the other hand, the suicide note might be a constant reminder of my death.

 

[Ghost2211]

My perspective as a mom.... If it was a heartfelt loving note I would keep it forever. I don't know if I could read it again due to the sadness, but it would have great value as my son/daughter last thoughts and feelings. Despite the heartache that it would bring I would rather have it than not.

 

[Insertname1]

My view as a son without kids, it would be a nice thing for your parents to know the reasons instead of forever wondering and also have that last little memory of you through your handwriting

 

[Salt]

I am confused. On one hand, my parents might feel guilty that they were responsible(which they were not) if I don't leave a suicide note, but on the other hand, the suicide note might be a constant reminder of my death.

i feel the same

 

[nitroautnz]

I think it will help, even if its painful, at least they have your last word.

 

[Deleted member 94]

I am confused. On one hand, my parents might feel guilty that they were responsible(which they were not) if I don't leave a suicide note, but on the other hand, the suicide note might be a constant reminder of my death.

If you don't plan to talk with the persons in your life that truly matter to you about your plans a note comes in handy to give closure to all concerned. It doesn't always have to be a sad one, I have once read a glad one, in which the person thanked everyone for all the great memories that person was given.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I had a boyfriend in high school commit suicide. He didn't leave a note. He seemed really happy and had a lot of good things going on in his life, and everyone was shocked. It was just a couple of months into the school year, and the evidence was that he had been planning since the summer.

It deeply impacted me that he didn't leave a note. We hadn't gone out that long but were in that mad rush of new love and it was total cognitive dissonance for me that he didn't leave me a note, we wrote each other notes constantly (this was way before computers let alone cell phones). I can only imagine how his parents felt. In the early days of magical thinking, his mother told everyone he'd had a bloot clot in his brain. Eventually his parents divorced as often happens because parents tend to blame each other.

It will make things much easier for your parents if you leave them a note explaining why you made that decision. It won't make things good, of course, but it's far, far worse to wonder and never be able to know. It's not just knowing they weren't to blame, but what was the cause.

As far as the note being a reminder of your death, there will be so many reminders. The absence of a note will remain with them, I think, far more strongly than a note.

 

[Bauhaus]

I'm gonna repeat myself, but the main - only - reason to write a suicide note imho is to thank your beloved ones for everything they have done for you.
'Cos no matter how thorough you explain what is wrong, they will never trully understand how you feel, you're the only person who can know this, and they'll always think "he should have done this or that or go to another doc, shrink, etc etc".
But I do feel it's my obligation to thank them.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I'm not leaving one.
My method is jumping and I can't remember if it's into water so it might just get wet, and I don't want to run the risk of leaving one at home because my parents might find it before I jump.

 

[SuicideMonkey123]

I'm gonna repeat myself, but the main - only - reason to write a suicide note imho is to thank your beloved ones for everything they have done for you.
'Cos no matter how thorough you explain what is wrong, they will never trully understand how you feel, you're the only person who can know this, and they'll always think "he should have done this or that or go to another doc, shrink, etc etc".
But I do feel it's my obligation to thank them.

I wasn't even talking about explaining my actions or feelings. I am only talking about informing them that it's not their fault, and that too to my parents. My only concern was if that letter/whatever would keep reminding them of my death.

 

[Bauhaus]

Ok, sorry I misunderstood you.

 

[Deleted member 94]

I wasn't even talking about explaining my actions or feelings. I am only talking about informing them that it's not their fault, and that too to my parents. My only concern was if that letter/whatever would keep reminding them of my death.

My mum would still hug and cry holding the baby clothes of one of her first borns so if that is your concern it's going to happen anyway as you will be leaving stuff behind that will be a reminder, but the note is for serving a different purpose it's for thanking all the people who truly touched you in life and reassuring them they were not responsible in any way for your choice.

 

[Brokensaddle]

I'm gonna repeat myself, but the main - only - reason to write a suicide note imho is to thank your beloved ones for everything they have done for you.
'Cos no matter how thorough you explain what is wrong, they will never trully understand how you feel, you're the only person who can know this, and they'll always think "he should have done this or that or go to another doc, shrink, etc etc".
But I do feel it's my obligation to thank them.

I agree with this. I'm planning on leaving letters to people who have ether tried to help get better or who I consider friends or ex friends. I'm also going to leave a letter to thecoroner in my inquest investigation blasting my mental health team failure to protect me and all the failed promises they made but didn't keep. My mum and sister won't care they would be more happy if died and frame it I died from mental illness not the abuse they put me through

 

[Salt]

I'm not leaving one.
My method is jumping and I can't remember if it's into water so it might just get wet, and I don't want to run the risk of leaving one at home because my parents might find it before I jump.

use polythene to save your letter from getting wet.tie it with your outfit .

 

[mooncake]

[...] the suicide note might be a constant reminder of my death.

I don't want to be harsh here, but I honestly think the fact that you'd be gone alone would be a constant reminder.

Throughout my research I came across multiple people who said that not knowing why was the worst thing to overcome. I don't think leaving last words will hurt more than it already does, but at least you can tell them that you live them one more time.

 

[CrazyMary]

I'm not leaving one.
My method is jumping and I can't remember if it's into water so it might just get wet, and I don't want to run the risk of leaving one at home because my parents might find it before I jump.

Why don´t you write an email and program it to be send lets say 24 hours after you do it? So that way no one can stop you and in case you decide not to do it you would have enough time to cancel it?

 

[at-sea]

Why don´t you write an email and program it to be send lets say 24 hours after you do it? So that way no one can stop you and in case you decide not to do it you would have enough time to cancel it?

I think I will do this - it´s the only way I can leave a note for my loved ones and explain that it´s not their fault.

The only downside I can think of is that it won´t be a written note. They won´t have my handwriting. Maybe it´s a little impersonal?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think I will do this - it´s the only way I can leave a note for my loved ones and explain that it´s not their fault.

The only downside I can think of is that it won´t be a written note. They won´t have my handwriting. Maybe it´s a little impersonal?

Take phots of the handwritten note and attach it? Or say in the email where you've hidden it so law enforcement won't take it?

 

[BrokenAlien]

I am confused. On one hand, my parents might feel guilty that they were responsible(which they were not) if I don't leave a suicide note, but on the other hand, the suicide note might be a constant reminder of my death.

As someone who lost my mom to suicide (with a note) and lost my fiancé to suicide (without a note) I have to say that a note really helps. It is painful that you're gone to them either way- but taking the time to let someone know how you're feeling and the last things you want them to know can feel a bit more like closure, if can be a comfort to feel like that person is still there reminding you of these words. I've cried while clutching my moms note to me and it brought me warmth at the same time to see her writing, her love for me and have that last word held closely. I'm devastated over my fiancé and I miss him I feel responsible and I came to this site trying to find any kind of thing addressed to me, I have wanted any words I can find. So my answer is to leave the notes- your loved ones will be hurting from your loss but a note will always be treasured.

 

[Frauw]

It can help bring closure or offer perspective to any loved ones, or anybody who finds it in general. Just make sure to keep a clear and reasonable head when composing one.

 

[BLUE1970]

It's a good idea to leave a note, but personally I wouldn't leave one to make others feel bad. I will only write to those that care about me, my family and 2 friends (yes I have the grand total of 2 friends after 50 years on earth) and explain my rationale to end my life and encourage them to not be sad at my passing.

 

[Kruger]

I'm not leaving one.

 

[imacrybaby]

I'll leave a note to tell my parents that it's not their fault,

 

[Sherri]

Yes I will write one or two, specially saying my last wishes and what I want done for my funeral.

 

[at-sea]

Take phots of the handwritten note and attach it? Or say in the email where you've hidden it so law enforcement won't take it?

That´s actually a really good idea, thank you! <3