Discussion Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?

[Emerita]

Whats the reason for your choice?

I lean towards the idea that it might be better to never have loved. While loneliness can feel isolating, it seems more neutral compared to love and loss. I've grown accustomed to the numbness that comes with loneliness. While love can only offer so much, it won't save you, and when it's lost, it only adds to the pain.

Though I once envied those who experienced real love, I no longer genuinely desire it. It feels like hope, and I don't feel hope for such things. I'm choosing to leave behind life which means the possibility of love too. So love never meant much to me, maybe it did in the past but in a vague sense. But never enough to indulge in it truly. Loves also subjective so that complicates things. My vision of love is different than yours.

 

[Almost Dead]

I'd say it would be "better" to never to have loved at all I guess, since you don't have to actively mourn something that you haven't experienced. Disclaimer that I think both are harrowing options though. But you do grow used to what you know, and loneliness is easier (and more neutral, like you mentioned) when you don't know how good it feels to have the opposite. And unfortunately even when it can be good, love is painful no matter what. Just depends on how "worth it" it is to every person on a case-by-case basis I suppose.

Whenever I think of this topic, I have to think of this one scene from Men In Black. The gut-punch of the way he says "Try it." always gets me.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I think to have loved and lost is better.

You lose a lot of life's experiences and lessons by never having loved. And I extend this to all types of love; platonic, romantic, queer-romantic, familial.

I understand that to have never loved may mean to never suffer loss, to never grieve, to yearn for something that you have no tangible experience of. Essentially, to never have loved is its own sublime feeling. But thing is, only a select few people can live with never having loved, even if you've never felt the touch or look or love you'll still yearn for something close it.

Atleast, after having loved and lost you'll have that experience, that lesson ingrained in you. It might be painful, but pain comes from not having loved too.

I wouldn't give away anything to not have loved and lost. I'm the person today because of these experiences.

I doubt not having loved would have changed or stopped my suicidality. In fact, I'm sure I would have died already.

Anyway, that's my take on it.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

It's impossible to run an experiment to find out, so I don't know. My unscientific opinion would be: better to have never loved.

 

[death_by_life]

Whenever I think of this topic, I have to think of this one scene from Men In Black. The gut-punch of the way he says "Try it." always gets me.

YES. Exactly. Having done both, I can say I wish I hadn't. It would be so much easier if I never knew what I was missing. Maybe the argument for loving and losing it could be that you grow as a person, but if you're not interested in having a future in which to enjoy that growth, that's not a very appealing reason to go through something so painful.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

I think and based this off my experience.

My opinion is to not be loved than to be loved ans lose that.

Like drugs.
Crave what you had and want to feel wanted, validated, cared for and love. True love. Relationship love not family love..

Man... That being my opinion.

 

[darksouls]

the loss of my beloved pets is very painful
but they made me happy
I think life is not worth living without love

 

[Namelesa]

For me definitely better to never have loved. I was fine and content being the loner i was until I stupidly curiously went into a relationship that soon ended. Genuinely that break up from 3 years ago was the cause of all suffering i experience now. Love to me is an addiction and now that i had it once i crave it more than anything and everything else doesn't compare to it. However if I do have it again I feel anxiety from losing it again. My life would been way better without going into any relationship as before it I just thought they are overrated but that was me just being ignorant to it. I wish I could stay ignorant of it.

 

[starboy2k]

"is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?"

"is it better to be shot and survive the bullet, or to not be shot at all?"

pretty simple answer here

 

[Forever Sleep]

I definitely prefer it that I've never loved (reciprocally, romantically.) I don't think I would have survived a broken heart all that well. Which seems almost inevitable.

It's been painful enough to lose friends and family- due to death and our lives drifting apart. I suppose I got to a stage where I thought relationships of all kinds- romantic and friendship carried too much risk. I don't like feeling reliant on (unreliable) others.

I think it can be the contrast in life that makes us more lonely- knowing what it's like to feel the support and love of others. I've become very comfortable on my own the past few years especially. To the point that I very rarely feel lonely.

It's weird though. I'm still grateful for the happier memories I do have with people who have now died but, not to the extent that I want to create new ones with other people.

 

[Imeavie]

I have many regrets that run deep with love. I have had a few real relationships that were about settling down, and planning a future. Relationships that were more than just flings, or passing moments of passion that fizzled out. I had a relationship that when it fell apart, I ran. I could have stayed, I could have finally got them to listen, and maybe we could have fixed what was broken. Instead I ran, and I ended up spending a year with the alcoholic I have spent many years in love with.


I hate myself everyday for how both situations turned out, I have deep wounds that will never heal.

Despite this, I say it is better to have loved, and lost.

I spent my childhood from 6-17 alone, never allowed to friends houses, or them to mine. Kids are cruel, and they hate anyone who doesn't socialize. I spent so much of my time hiding in my room from my abusive mother and sadistic manipulative sisters.

I have experienced a form of loneliness in those empty walls that few would understand outside of this forum. I often didn't have media to distract me, or ways to contact the outside world. Even at school I was maladaptive daydreaming my life away. I was dreaming of happiness I had never known, and of love I had never found.

In the end I have been on the side having never known love (not even from my real mother), and having had it become part of everyday life.

I have felt both pains, and I personally feel that having had that love, it is worth pursuing. I cherish my memories, and would never give them up.

 

[Pure Vanilla]

I think never loved at all is the answer, if you love and lose you will never get that back, you will see things that remind you that you can never have them again, you lose everything and have to start from scratch meanwhile you feel like you are unloyal for even trying to forget, trying to move on

 

[Andy]

I think it depends on how you lost it. I'm recently out of a 5 year relationship. It's a long story, but dealing with a betrayal and utter disregard for your feelings from someone you love and who claims to love you is far worse than just never having loved them in the first place. I am certainly worse off now than I would've been if I instead spent the past 5 years being lonely.

I do believe a relationship can end in such a way that you can remember the other person and your time with them fondly. I haven't experienced it, but I'm certain it can happen.