Help Is it better to disappear or let them know you're dead?

[bandoscii]

Hello guys. Can anyone give your thoughts on this?
I have a loving parent, which has stopped me for ctb for a few years now. But I am truly so damn bored from life. I have no friends, sufficient enjoyment and no interest to have these things. Even suicidal fantasies don't bring me any kind of twisted enjoyment anymore. I just don't care.
Unfortunately my empathy works and I know that my death will be devastating for my parent, so I can't just go to nearest hotel or woods and ctb there. I don't want them to deal with my body, funeral and I think it would be easier for them to just not know where and how I am than to directly know that I'm dead.
I'm thinking maybe I could travel to another country, bring and destroy any ID I have, ctb in some woods and hope that some wild animal eats my body. Tell the parent beforehand that I'm going to study abroad or turn into some monk or something so they don't search for me for a little while at least.

What do you think? Is it cruel or a bad idea? Is it better to just let the person know you're dead or keep them in the unknown forever/for years?

 

[walliwalli]

i could see an argument either way but imo i think it'd be best for them to know the truth. if you're missing for a long time they'd be wondering what happened for years and could possibly jump to the worst conclusions, versus if they know you CTBed, it'd be devastating but at least they have the truth and can start to grieve properly instead of being left confused.

 

[underairpressure]

Let them know. I've had people vanish from my life, and also been the one who vanished (though I haven't died yet). The pain of wondering and wondering and never getting an answer is excruciating. Much worse than receiving painful news but having closure for what happened. Imo at least

 

[ScaredCutter]

it can be better and somewhat easier to accept the truth and what happened instead of being left on a hook wondering where u may have gone and what ur up to now. to me, knowing what happened is probably the better option, ull eventually learn to accept what happened and may understand why it happened. disappearance only leaves u with questions, "where did one go, why did they go, are they ok, are they still around" and such. people do put an effort into finding said person to know if they are ok and still here but, if they find out u disappeared and also died afterwards, it just leaves them with more and more questions than answers.