Absolutely normal to want that!!
I can really understand why you so desperately want help with your addiction and the pain behind it. I'm very sorry to read this and I always have the spontaneous impulse to help, but sadly that does not work :-/
As a teenager I was offered a lot of help, but when you're an adult hardly anyone is interested. It would be so nice if you had someone to help you like you would want from a mother...
Are there free drug counseling centers in your country? Or self-help groups? Narcotics anonymous for example. It's so incredibly sad to read how difficult it is for some people to get help.
I send you love and hope! And if you want the courage to try something again.
Regen