Discussion is heartbreak why u want to ctb?

[Funeralprincess]

Sorry about anyone's painful experience of heartbreak whether it's from a breakup or passing. Don't think about killing yourself to get back at anyone. What helped me was to find someone else. There are other great people out there, you just need to get to know them. It's hard when you devoted such a huge part of yourself to someone for a long time but life moves on. Would they want you to kill yourself? No. You have to move on, what else is there to do.

"Find someone else". I love this quirky little line you people pull. It shows the true ignorance and tone deaf mentality y'all have towards people who want to die from heartbreak, and it also shows you have absolutely no idea what their personal situation is like. If you're so happy and in love, then you have no reason to kill yourself so why are you here if you're going to tell people what is and isn't valid reasons for wanting to die? Also not everyone can find someone else. Perhaps people like you are used to hopping from body to body, but some of us value compatibility and true happiness. Food for thought

 

[jamie_]

badly. i do not want to find someone else. i cant enjoy anyone else anymore. ik that in a population of 8 billion i could very easily find another but the problem is that i don't want to.

I cannot stand people who go on saying "there's other people out there, just find someone else!".
I don't want to. My partner of 9 years left me and it was my fault. I can't live with myself and she hates me enough to call the pigs on me for trying to apologise to her. I don't care, I'm so done with life. I cannot go on without her and if I've caused her pain that's even more reason for me to CTB. Anyone who calls anyone selfish for CTB is a damn hypocrite considering we can all be considered selfish in wider society.

similar. i don't really have anything to apologise, it was her who broke my heart and left but she too pulls out the full wrath of force at any sign that i try to reach out or speak to her. refuses to even tell me that she doesn't want to tell me anything. desperately hard to take when i so badly cant live without her

 

[September5th]

@RetroChaos
I feel you, man. I fucked up a 7 year love in less than a year. Just can't live with the fact that I hurt and lost her. I miss everything so damn much and I don't have the will nor the energy to find anybody else. Everyone from here on out will be a mere bandaid for me.
She loved me for what I was, not what I had or could offer. It was a pure, childhood like love that isn't going to be replaced.

She'll soon find another dude and I'll crash and burn alone forever.

 

[Funeralprincess]

badly. i do not want to find someone else. i cant enjoy anyone else anymore. ik that in a population of 8 billion i could very easily find another but the problem is that i don't want to.

similar. i don't really have anything to apologise, it was her who broke my heart and left but she too pulls out the full wrath of force at any sign that i try to reach out or speak to her. refuses to even tell me that she doesn't want to tell me anything. desperately hard to take when i so badly cant live without her

I think people are also forgetting that even if you did find someone, your heart lies where your heart lies. People truly don't understand this until they've been through it. If they were able to "find someone" that speaks volumes and shows they didn't really love that person as much. Every time I've moved on it's because I didn't love that person as much, so when you KNOW you love someone deeply, you aren't just going to hop up on another body. Honestly why are these people even here? This is a space where we shouldn't judge someone's reasons for suicide yet thats what is happening

 

[September5th]

This is very subjective, I guess. I can see some people finding someone else. I can see my ex finding someone else and she truly loved me a whole lot. I guess it depends. It just doesn't really work for me. If I keep existing past this year, I know that the best I can do is sit back and learn to live with the fact. Live with the pain, guilt and nostalgia. That's quite literally the best I can do.
I rather die, but that's primarily because I see life as a piece of crap in its entirety.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Absolutely, if I wasn't cheated on for years and treated like garbage I'd be okay most likely. I haven't met someone as manipulative as my ex. I feel so alone and unsafe in my own home.

 

[jamie_]

i would not be so low functioning if not for being used and made to believe i was going to have a family with them instead of discarded for the first other guy to show her attention

 

[picklemick]

There's no way to speak for everyone because this is a complex issue. I often blamed heartbreak for my depression but it turns out it was deeper. So I don't know if it will get better for you. Sorry.

 

[l0stc4use]

i'd be lying if i said this wasn't a little bit of the reason

 

[alliebear]

Heartbreak it is, people will always think that ctb because of love is stupid, but sometimes it isnt really about it… there are some factors , i have parent issues since i was child, abuse, divorce, neglect and stuff but my past relationships definitely drives me towards this point. I was happy before i was in that relationship even though I experienced alot of abuse before that. got used, abused, controlled, cant have friends, till i lose myself bit by bit. I broke up with that person, and fixing myself but that doesnt seems doing well not because i was still in love with that person but because i wasnt able to find myself. I no longer enjoy going out, i selfharm everyday, i no longer dressed up, makeup, constantly at my befroom for 2 years now and cry at my window looking at other teenagers happy fun life. Scared of people, scared of cars, definetly made alot of changes since that relationship. I sure can find someone else like other people say, but what if im not even crave to have relationship? I am scared to get to know people and will always run away from meeting people. I lose myself and how do i get it back? For sure first thing i gotta do is not find new people, but find myself first.. but its hard when you going through so many hard things in life, add more salt to the wound

 

[almaranthine]

My case wasn't a breakup (we were never together). This particular moment of heartbreak that happened in 2020 just made me realize I'd never find anyone better and even if I did then it wouldn't be fair to that new person anyway because I will absolutely wind up comparing them to the one who previously broke my heart since she already was so so so so so close to being perfect for me (and in her words, I was very close to perfect for her too in a lot of ways). So no I can't find another one no matter how much I desperately want to.

This is also not a spontaneous act for me since I've been planning my CTB since this pseudo breakup happened almost 1.5 years ago plus my wounds of this sort have never managed to heal within a reasonable amount of time. Even while I was reeling over the heartbreak I had experienced in 2020, my wounds from a different case that happened in 2015 only reopened since they never truly went away. Yeah maybe I could get over it all in like 20 more years but I absolutely refuse to wait even a single year longer than I need to.

I wish this stupid cliche you're trying to enforce of loving myself before I could love anyone else actually worked for me but sadly it doesn't. I literally have no motivation to care since my motivations are purely extrinsic. If that sounds appalling to anyone then surely you can agree that this alone is a good reason for me to be dead. Might as well let me handle the dirty work myself.

My timeline is so similar to yours that I had to login just to reply bc it surprised me. Pseudo breakup, 2020 which completely ripped me apart. He was exactly the person I desired and needed—I healed and became stronger with him in my life. Losing this relationship broke something in me, and after losing my grandmother, witnessing my mother's mental breakdown afterwards, being thrown out of the house, ending up in a lease with an abusive alcoholic, falling into a manic episode as a result of this environment, quitting my job due to the mania, I then found myself with that reopened wound from 2015, with 2020s debilitating pain pooled around it. I attempted online dating, just to get his voice out of my head, but I felt nothing with or for these people, as they are essentially strangers to me. I felt bad for wasting their time, knowing inside that I wouldn't be able to connect. I am ready to go. The mania has subsided, and I am now more deeply depressed than I have ever been in my life, financially headed towards disaster and homelessness... I feel I can't go on.

 

[picklemick]

Heartbreak knowing abs blaming yourself is possibly the worst feeling in the world.

 

[HeavyHeartDEP]

My case wasn't a breakup (we were never together). This particular moment of heartbreak that happened in 2020 just made me realize I'd never find anyone better and even if I did then it wouldn't be fair to that new person anyway because I will absolutely wind up comparing them to the one who previously broke my heart since she already was so so so so so close to being perfect for me (and in her words, I was very close to perfect for her too in a lot of ways). So no I can't find another one no matter how much I desperately want to.

This is also not a spontaneous act for me since I've been planning my CTB since this pseudo breakup happened almost 1.5 years ago plus my wounds of this sort have never managed to heal within a reasonable amount of time. Even while I was reeling over the heartbreak I had experienced in 2020, my wounds from a different case that happened in 2015 only reopened since they never truly went away. Yeah maybe I could get over it all in like 20 more years but I absolutely refuse to wait even a single year longer than I need to.

I wish this stupid cliche you're trying to enforce of loving myself before I could love anyone else actually worked for me but sadly it doesn't. I literally have no motivation to care since my motivations are purely extrinsic. If that sounds appalling to anyone then surely you can agree that this alone is a good reason for me to be dead. Might as well let me handle the dirty work myself.

I sadly agree with you, despite understanding PerpetualPain's good intentions

 

[nicotinelover]

Yes, my first love relationship, we started dating at 15 years old and almost 7 years later she decided to end it all, no arguments, she just decided that she didn't love me anymore. Since then 5 months have passed and I can barely eat or sleep, the pain is unbearable.

 

[Venture98]

Yes heartbreak is one of the main reasons I'm here. I met a woman who I thought was my soulmate and the love of my life and she ended things with me without ever giving me a reason. Had given up everything to be with this woman. And the wild thing is I never met her in person. But that doesn't mean it wasn't any less real. She lived in another country and another continent.

When she ended things the way she did it broke my mind as well as my heart. She had just bought a plane ticket to come visit me before she changed her feelings about me. Despite that she kept them. The fact that she kept the plane tickets after ending things left me paranoid and having many delusions about our relationship. I became suicidal and bought a gun. I ended up being admitted to a 72 hour hold and losing my job as a result as well as many other things. It really was the spark that marked the beginning of my end.

 

[Aboutblue]

Well I destroyed a 9 year relationship. It's been over a year and nothing gets better. It's actually gotten worse. I miss her so much I can't bear it.

 

[Portor25]

When my wife died in march my heart and soul left me. My wife is my soul mate my best friend my home with out her I feel like a empty shell the wold don't seem reall no more. I used to be able to play with my kids every day but since my wife passed I have not been able to.
I have got plans in place to let them have a better life with my brother and his wife I don't wont them growing up thinking the way I am is right when it not.

29 April 2023 my insurance come active for suicide so on this day I will be downing liquid morphine 300ml and hopefully that will work and I will either be with my wife again or if there nothing either way the pain stop.

I am also trying thing to weaken my body to give my self a cardiac arrest or infection becaues if I die normal before April my insurance will payout

I am not eating I lost almost 3 stone I am smoking 30 to 40 a day I am having a few drinks every night and I am not taking any care of my self. I have started having chest pain and my heart rhythm goes funny every now and then so hopefully one day soon I won't wake up or I will just drop dead and finally have peace.

Every day for me is like I am being beaten and constantly stabbed though the heart.

 

[Hope:-)]

Yeah, but there are other reasons too.

 

[chronicallybroken]

Primarily, yes. Logically I know I will feel better in time, but I don't actually want to - I want to use this pain to CTB like I have always wanted to. Unfortunately I have been far too honest with friends, family, and professionals about my feelings/plans/attempts and people are worried about me and keeping an eye on me. Not sure what to do.

 

[outrider567]

Yes, heartbreak due to her death, the worst kind of heartbreak there is

 

[abyss]

I seem to keep repeating the same cycle of falling for someone almost instantly and them not reciprocating. I am heartbroken right now over a woman I just went on a few dates with. It's not right, I just wish my brain wasn't like this.

 

[Ash’Girl]

I think it's the catalyst. It's the reason I found this site, when the sudden death of my love sent me spiralling. But it's not the beginning of my suicidal ideation, that's been with me for decades. It's just maybe the last straw in a long list of things that push me closer to ctb.