spellbound
My Great Guilt
- Apr 25, 2026
- 86
The bad thing about oneself is that none of the emotions you can feel are labelled. I know how to recognise some of them, for exemple it is a fact that I have cried before (although never sober) so that means I have felt sorrow. I can also easily recognise wrath, which I have felt a lot recently. Those are the two emotions which I feel the most in my life, and they are very strong ones. But happiness, from what I understand, is a more subtle emotion. I do not know if I have ever felt it. I assume I have, because the norm is that all children are happy, and I was a children once. But I do not have any proof or any reason to think that I have felt happiness, and I do not rule out the possibility that I have simply never felt it.
Of course, there is stuff I have enjoyed and times that I look back on fondly. Watching a great movie, playing video games with my best friend, my first parties, eating my comfort meal, finally beating a difficult boss in bloodborne. What I felt, could it be happiness ? I think of happiness as being something great (as in big), at least half as great as what sorrow feels like. I couldn't call those memories happy. It was too little. Or perhaps it really was happiness and my sadness overshadowed it, but I'm not convinced.
It would be awful if I had never experienced happiness.
It would be awful if I had and I was still so depressed.
If anyone has any thoughts that might help me solve this mystery or has a similar experience please let me know
Of course, there is stuff I have enjoyed and times that I look back on fondly. Watching a great movie, playing video games with my best friend, my first parties, eating my comfort meal, finally beating a difficult boss in bloodborne. What I felt, could it be happiness ? I think of happiness as being something great (as in big), at least half as great as what sorrow feels like. I couldn't call those memories happy. It was too little. Or perhaps it really was happiness and my sadness overshadowed it, but I'm not convinced.
It would be awful if I had never experienced happiness.
It would be awful if I had and I was still so depressed.
If anyone has any thoughts that might help me solve this mystery or has a similar experience please let me know