aneurysm
Mage
- Jan 27, 2019
- 584
in theory yeah
how did you know
I don't hate you haha, I just slightly dislike you :)
I don't hate you haha, I just slightly dislike you :)
The hugs reaction also makes me want to CTB,as does thinking CTB stands for kick the bucket every time I type/read it even though it's quite obviously a C and not a K.
We can equally dislike each other together....I like long walks off a short pier, candlelit dinner with ill-prepared fugu, and truth or dare russian roulette style.in theory yeah
how did you know
I don't hate you haha, I just slightly dislike you :)
rikakim
girl anachronism
- Dec 12, 2019
- 11
YES!! ever since i was a child i've had a really bad phobia of growing older, i remember praying that i'd die before going through puberty because i never wanted to grow up. the thought of growing older terrifies me and i have had lots of mental breakdowns because of it. the fact that my mental illness basically stopped me from functioning properly when i was 13 and i never really developed mentally past that age doesn't help either. i don't think i can handle another birthday and am hoping to ctb before my next one.
DeadButDreaming
Specialist
- Jun 16, 2020
- 362
Yes, I'm turning 40 this year and it's depressing the shit out of me.
Sprite_Geist
NULL
- May 27, 2020
- 1,584
Yes. The thought of not being considered a "young person" anymore disturbs me greatly; thinking about it causes an anxious fluttering sensation in the chest, and rumination in the mind. The reason for this is because I think that my life is no longer valuable now that I am older. Not that my life had much value in the first place, but still.
I miss being a young adult, and miss how I was treat at a younger age. When I was around 19-21 years old I had a very unhappy day and other people seemed supportive; at that age you can get away with being shy or unsure of yourself. Once you get past a certain age though no one really cares anymore, as if being older means that you cannot be sad or vulnerable. In fact it can lead to ridicule - "You're a grown-a*s man/woman. Just get on with it!"
I miss being a young adult, and miss how I was treat at a younger age. When I was around 19-21 years old I had a very unhappy day and other people seemed supportive; at that age you can get away with being shy or unsure of yourself. Once you get past a certain age though no one really cares anymore, as if being older means that you cannot be sad or vulnerable. In fact it can lead to ridicule - "You're a grown-a*s man/woman. Just get on with it!"
NotHuman
Member
- Jul 8, 2018
- 43
I feel like I've missed out on the most important, formative years of human life and every major milestone has passed me by. At this point it doesn't seem possible to meet the expectations and pressures of an adult. I could go through the motions, but I'll never speak the language or share the experiences or knowledge necessary to form human relationships. All that's left for me is the pointless accumulation of money and goods to sustain the empty existence of something which has never lived.
I spent years working out hoping to at least make some gains I could loosely define as an accomplishment, but keep having to stop and recover from my latest injury or newest health condition. Only in my 30s and my body is already splitting apart at the seams. I've always been the runt of the litter, the weakest out of any group of people, and just once in my life I wanted to feel like I had any power at all like I wasn't just a shambling corpse. My health will only further decline and I will only further drift until the faintest glint of hope gets sucked under.
I don't want to die, but eventually I'll probably succumb. As heavy as the shame and self-hatred is, the weight of my failed past adds to it still. With no support and no means of self-determination I'll drown under the sheer mass of emptiness.
I spent years working out hoping to at least make some gains I could loosely define as an accomplishment, but keep having to stop and recover from my latest injury or newest health condition. Only in my 30s and my body is already splitting apart at the seams. I've always been the runt of the litter, the weakest out of any group of people, and just once in my life I wanted to feel like I had any power at all like I wasn't just a shambling corpse. My health will only further decline and I will only further drift until the faintest glint of hope gets sucked under.
I don't want to die, but eventually I'll probably succumb. As heavy as the shame and self-hatred is, the weight of my failed past adds to it still. With no support and no means of self-determination I'll drown under the sheer mass of emptiness.
I still can't get over the 30s and can't even think of what a nightmare my 40s will be. I hope that day never comes lol.
Amumu
Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
- Aug 29, 2020
- 2,624
Some people say they're happier when they're in their 60s... I don't know if it's true, but we never know.
UseItOrLoseIt
1O'8
- Dec 4, 2020
- 2,217
I'd love to be 70 tomorrow. Truly. Last literal 20 years of my life were like dog years to my internal clock. I feel so old.. Like I've seen everything I was supposed to see, did everything I was supposed to do, said everything I was supposed to say, and there remains nothing new for me to experience or build on.
I feel like a ruin. And it bugs me out sometimes that I'm still so young and death so far away. How am I supposed to live for another 35 years? What am I supposed to do? What will my mental state look like after all that time, when it already deteriorated so much? It's a scary thought.
I feel like a ruin. And it bugs me out sometimes that I'm still so young and death so far away. How am I supposed to live for another 35 years? What am I supposed to do? What will my mental state look like after all that time, when it already deteriorated so much? It's a scary thought.
Fehler
...
- Oct 12, 2020
- 455
Yes, I could consider it, but for me, more than getting older, it is the passage of time. To look back and see what you have done in the last X years; as you get older that "X" gets bigger and more depressing is looking at the past.
In addition to getting older, as you gain more experience, you've also gone through more shit x)
Also, you see how the illusions and desires that you had when you were young faint.
In addition to getting older, as you gain more experience, you've also gone through more shit x)
Also, you see how the illusions and desires that you had when you were young faint.
faex42
Experienced
- Oct 19, 2018
- 213
I am 68. It certainly is a factor. I am well aware that most people who use Sanctioned Suicide are considerably younger than I am so I
don't discuss what it is likely to be hard to understand. The experience of aging in my case includes serious illness, the loss of loved ones,
age discrimination, becoming unattractive, and feeeling very vulnerable to even nastier occurrences
I don't belitle anyone's sense of exhaustion and feeling old who are chronologically much younger. But yeah it makes it harder for to relate to people on Sanctioned Suicide. But that's on me. In the past I didn't even give people a chance to reject me. I just assumed they would.
don't discuss what it is likely to be hard to understand. The experience of aging in my case includes serious illness, the loss of loved ones,
age discrimination, becoming unattractive, and feeeling very vulnerable to even nastier occurrences
I don't belitle anyone's sense of exhaustion and feeling old who are chronologically much younger. But yeah it makes it harder for to relate to people on Sanctioned Suicide. But that's on me. In the past I didn't even give people a chance to reject me. I just assumed they would.
Celerity
shape without form, shade without colour
- Jan 24, 2021
- 2,733
Haha, yes, and I'm not even 30 yet. The older I get, the more I think about how much of my life I've already wasted. You'd think it would be motivating. Maybe if I had my head screwed on straight, it would.
xLosthopex
Tell my dogs I love them
- May 29, 2020
- 1,135
Big time
I've always had a massive fear of getting older, I think it's mainly fueled by my fear of abandonment, fear of responsibility and fear of how others perceive me
It's my birthday in a couple of days...I'll be 24 which actually terrifies me, I still feel like a child... even though in many ways I'm mature or 'wise' for my age, due to everything I've been through
I had planned to ctb before my birthday but probably won't get to at this stage...
I've always had a massive fear of getting older, I think it's mainly fueled by my fear of abandonment, fear of responsibility and fear of how others perceive me
It's my birthday in a couple of days...I'll be 24 which actually terrifies me, I still feel like a child... even though in many ways I'm mature or 'wise' for my age, due to everything I've been through
I had planned to ctb before my birthday but probably won't get to at this stage...
It's a huge reason for me. I'd kill to be 18 again
nopointofliving
Warrior
- Apr 19, 2021
- 513
Matt, you're my brother from a different mother :D
! I've been suicidal since I was 12 and I remember thinking "I gotta ctb before I'm 21"....
really?
It was my plan... I remember as a kid , I told myself : I should die before 21-23.
im scared of getting old. I'm 29 years old and I feel young as 25 maybe haha. Young kids in street call me auntie auntie, and I am like " who is this auntie" haha I'm still young.... unfortunately, we aren't young anymore.. I hope we can leave here soon and peacefully.
! I've been suicidal since I was 12 and I remember thinking "I gotta ctb before I'm 21"....
really?
It was my plan... I remember as a kid , I told myself : I should die before 21-23.
im scared of getting old. I'm 29 years old and I feel young as 25 maybe haha. Young kids in street call me auntie auntie, and I am like " who is this auntie" haha I'm still young.... unfortunately, we aren't young anymore.. I hope we can leave here soon and peacefully.
At the age of 76, It's a race between my heart and my kidneys as to which will kill me first. So, yes, my reason to cbt will be age related. Unless, of course, I can manage to die in my sleep. One can always hope.
Superdeterminist
Enlightened
- Apr 5, 2020
- 1,877
Yes, it absolutely is. I don't want to age, I think it's a horrible thing, a disease.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,026
Yeah, certainly. Throughout my life I have seen elderly relatives with many health problems and I have always thought that I have never wanted to be like that. I just think it's awful slowly decaying away physically and mentally. There are many diseases that run in my family and I already have health problems at a young age so I do not want to see this getting worse. I hate how its the norm to live until you are old. I'm tired of life right now. Living is the most overrated thing ever.
Exactly! Even if you have a beautiful money, family and friends, is it really necessary to live until you're a sick old grey man/woman?
Damn. Aging sucks!!
S like suicide
Enlightened
- Apr 29, 2021
- 1,435
For me every year that passes is a torture.Especially birthdays were terrible.I feel a lot of pain thinking about my best years (when you are twenty years old everything is possible, the world is yours, you are young, in strength full of possibilities ) passed through the most severe depression and continuous suffering. What a huge waste! This thought destroys me. I had decided that I would die before I turn 27, but my suicide attempts have failed! I just hope
I can kill myself before summer comes!
I can kill myself before summer comes!
definitely, getting older is kinda traumatizing, u just realize that peter pan was right n life is loosing friends (if u still have one kek), I would like to die before my family n friends so i don't have to deal with the possibility of being the last one n die as alone as I was born
popuoh
Wanderer of worlds
- Jan 28, 2021
- 58
100%! I can't even allow myself go into my 20s (turning 20 in a few months) let alone growing old and suffer along the way!
I definitely wouldn't want to live until I'm old. I see how many people in their 70s are struggling to get by, alone, neglected, with multiple health problems. And every year I'm dreading to get older. Another year of no achievements. And even though I usually get told that I look younger than my age, I still notice some signs of aging on my body and I don't like them, and I know that I'm going to see more and more of them as the years go by. Men age better than women. Woman's value is related to her age in this society. I wouldn't want to live past 50s I guess.
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eternalmelancholy
waiting for the bus
- Mar 24, 2021
- 1,169
My body is already falling apart and I am not even old. I don't have money or family. Once I can no longer work I am royally fucked.
Suicide is saving myself from further pain and humiliation. I am becoming increasingly unhinged everyday from realizing my future fate. I just hope I have the guts to actually go through with it this time.
Suicide is saving myself from further pain and humiliation. I am becoming increasingly unhinged everyday from realizing my future fate. I just hope I have the guts to actually go through with it this time.
Enabran255
Numbed
- Oct 2, 2019
- 101
It's definitely a huge factor in my suicidal feelings these days. I can try all day to not think about how old I am and tell myself the usual platitude/cope statements "age is just a number," "you're only as old as you feel," blah blah, but at the end of the day it comes down to how others view me. I have no control over that.
My life experience has been drastically different from the norm, so much so that I can hardly relate to anyone near my age. I basically have a huge hole missing from my life from when I was in my 20s to now. None of the life experiences that most take for granted post college, have I gotten to go through yet. That makes it extremely awkward to interact with most near my age, and is basically an instant dealbreaker for most romantic relationships with people in my age group.
Then I face the secondary effects of that hole, those being that my core interests are exceptionally rare among peers in my age group. They're relegated mostly to the college and younger crowd. It follows that whenever I attempt to find new communities or groups that share my interests, I'm always seeing that I'm very much the odd one out. In today's insanely hyper judgmental society and its propensity to make a social media spectacle out of the most inane occurrences, all for those ever so addictive social likes and virtue points, it's obvious social suicide for me to attempt befriending or dating anyone in that age group.
It's been mentioned to me more than once that I should simply "give up" on all those passions and interests of mine and "find new ones." As if that would be some kind of fulfilling, transcendental experience and I by some miracle wouldn't be losing significant parts of myself by going that route.
This inevitably leads me back to my past and how my life was destroyed back when I was that age, by brutal bullying. I was on the cusp of having what most take for granted that age, those critical milestones that serve as ones core foundation to build upon after college, to seeing it all painfully disintegrate before my very eyes and being completely inept at stopping any of it. I really feel like the "option" of giving up on finding friends I can relate to and the type of romantic chemistry I experienced back then is just giving the ultimate, final victory to the bully who ruined me.
My life experience has been drastically different from the norm, so much so that I can hardly relate to anyone near my age. I basically have a huge hole missing from my life from when I was in my 20s to now. None of the life experiences that most take for granted post college, have I gotten to go through yet. That makes it extremely awkward to interact with most near my age, and is basically an instant dealbreaker for most romantic relationships with people in my age group.
Then I face the secondary effects of that hole, those being that my core interests are exceptionally rare among peers in my age group. They're relegated mostly to the college and younger crowd. It follows that whenever I attempt to find new communities or groups that share my interests, I'm always seeing that I'm very much the odd one out. In today's insanely hyper judgmental society and its propensity to make a social media spectacle out of the most inane occurrences, all for those ever so addictive social likes and virtue points, it's obvious social suicide for me to attempt befriending or dating anyone in that age group.
It's been mentioned to me more than once that I should simply "give up" on all those passions and interests of mine and "find new ones." As if that would be some kind of fulfilling, transcendental experience and I by some miracle wouldn't be losing significant parts of myself by going that route.
This inevitably leads me back to my past and how my life was destroyed back when I was that age, by brutal bullying. I was on the cusp of having what most take for granted that age, those critical milestones that serve as ones core foundation to build upon after college, to seeing it all painfully disintegrate before my very eyes and being completely inept at stopping any of it. I really feel like the "option" of giving up on finding friends I can relate to and the type of romantic chemistry I experienced back then is just giving the ultimate, final victory to the bully who ruined me.
NormaJeane
Member
- Mar 24, 2021
- 648
Yes, getting older is actually my only reason for committing suicide. I never wanted to be an old woman with age-related ailments. It is because time goes by I ended up in this situation. When time goes by, the whole body decays and one will suffer of pain and diseases. The best human age is 25 - 30. People live too long, human life expectancy is too high, some people live 120 years.
