Discussion Is getting older one of your reasons to CTB?

[WornOutLife]

Lately, I've been thinking lots and I've realized that apart from my bipolar disorder and overweight, getting older is one of my reasons to want to ctb someday.

I mean, I'm 33 and even though I'm a "responsible" human being who can adapt to any social environment, I feel as if I were still in my 20s.

Of course, every time I look myself in the mirror I realize I'm not a teenager anymore and it sucks!!

People who are under 25 tend to see me as an old guy already whereas people are between 25 and 40 see me as a guy with a "normal age". And people who are +40 saw me as a young individual! I feel so confused!!

My point is that as every year goes by, I get more depressed because one more number will be added to my age.

I never thought I would live this long! I've been suicidal since I was 12 and I remember thinking "I gotta ctb before I'm 21".

Anyway, I'm trying to live again now but my fear of getting older (inevitably) wil always be there. I will never get used to the upcoming new years. Still, I will always love gaming, reading manga and watching anime even though I am 80 years old lol.


What about you? Is getting older affecting you in some negative way? Could it be considered one of your reasons to ctb?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yes! This is so totally one of my reasons for ctb. This and the fact that death can hit me at any second kinda freaks me out

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Getting old sucks! I have always told myself even as a kid that I would want to ctb before I became elderly. I have so many health problems already and I would never want to live to around age 45-50 as more and more issues (especially cancers, diabetes, osteoarthritis, etc) start cropping up around that time.

Once you lose your health, you won't get it back. I could not handle constant medical procedures just to prolong my life a few more years. Those people are braver than I am for putting up with it. Even Einstein didn't want to grow old and refused treatments when he knew his time was up.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Yeah pretty much. I turn 29 tomorrow and it just highlights how little I've achieved with one year added on.

I think a lot of people stop caring about you when you hit around 30, especially if you don't plan to have kids. You're just sort of counting years now, at least that's how I feel.

 

[luten]

Well yes, I cant believe how old I am, it is shocking when i think about my age. With that comes thinking about one's accomplishments, or a lack of it. Unfortunately my age hit me hard, i was able to survive with chronic pain , but as I am getting older it gets worse. I am also shocked when I think about where i am going to end up, because i never thought of myself of as the suicide type (and still not). But a person can only handle so much. I am in my late 30's. It is just life.

 

[insanedoomer]

some of the interesting reasons , by the way its same with me " survival *hit " is enslaving me since 12 yo , but , i hope guts will drive me to end it before 30-25 .

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

It bothers me that I'm behind everyone else developmentally because of the things that happened to me so in that sense age is definitely one of my reason. Most people aren't willing to accept someone that doesn't have their shit together; especially someone my age so that just adds to the suicide fuel. I'm aware that these are mostly the ignorant and privileged people that ostracize others like that but it bothers me deep down that I'll never have any semblance of normalcy at any age and that others won't accept the reasons as to why I am the way I am.

Then there's the fact that my health will deteriorate further as I get older and my health is bad enough as it is.

 

[enuff]

yes i can relate to that. the aches & pains of aging creeps up on you. and as i get older, my failures add up, and my regrets stack up, and my debt keeps growing, and my energy keeps lessening, my health is slowly failing, and my lobido is depleting, and mostly my optimism for a better future looks bleak, and i have no false expectations that things will get better. quite the opposite. i wish i would just die, already, from car crash, heart attack, anneurism, something take me out, please.

 

[BandAddict]

You're not old until you fart dust! According to my grandfather, anyway.

But on a serious note, I am afraid of getting older. I'd say it's because the older I get the worse it would seem to have nothing in my life together, like not having a job or a driver's license and whatnot. Also the fear of developing more health problems, because as relatively young as I am, my health isn't all that great. I already feel pretty run down.

 

[amarillo]

Every birthday is difficult for me, mostly because I inevitably start reflecting on my life and how little I've done with it. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but all of my friends (most of whom are slightly younger than me) are doing really well in life. Jobs, houses, meaningful relationships, even marriage and some are starting to think about having kids. And then here I am, going back to university because adult life is too scary, not having any clue what I want in life and just struggling to get through my day to day tasks. Every year it feels more like I'm behind. And even worse, it feels like I'm wasting the years that are supposed to be the best of your life. I'm "only" 26, but I feel like I'm way past my expiry date already. My favourite number is 24 and I always said to myself I would die at that age but oh well, I guess I can't even keep my own promises. :')

Hope you'll be able to accept your age and the fact you're aging at some point!

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I'd say that I'm becoming older but not getting money/love/excitement like my peers, but I don't really care. Passed one of my best friends from childhood during my walk today, he's basically where I would be if I wasn't shit but it didn't really faze me at all. So I guess it's becoming less and less of my reason to die, and getting replaced by how unsatisfactory my life is in general, in absolute rather than relative terms.

 

[Symbiote]

Losing the inability to do things that I enjoyed would be a reason for CTB.

 

[IcyBat]

I'm only 26 and feeling old

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Losing the inability to do things that I enjoyed would be a reason for CTB.

Someone having the same amount of posts as you yet double the reaction score could also be a reason.

 

[lofticries]

I plan to CTB when both my parents die so I'll be somewhat old but not really old to where I can't do shit for myself. Which is one of my greatest fears. Like I already have a shit ton of mental problems. I can't imagine having a shit ton of medical problems as well. I'm already lonely, I can't imagine being even more lonely knowing that I can't even move out of one room. I mean I have really bad social anxiety but at least I know that at any moment I can take off in a car and go.

I've already come to accept that I probably won't have any irl friends or be in any kind of serious romantic relationships in my lifetime. Which I'm kind of sad by but okay with at the same time since human interaction outside work is weird af. However I still want to find a way to earn a better living and experience some things(go to japan,get my own place,lose my virginity) while i'm still alive. I also want to take care of my parents when they get older because I feel like I failed them by not living up their expectations. I guess in a way it's some sort of atonement. Also I feel it'll make it easier for me to CTB since there will be really nothing to live for after that.

 

[Symbiote]

Someone having the same amount of posts as you yet double the reaction score could also be a reason.

Guess you haven't seen @Angel Goddess Post/Reaction ratio.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Guess you haven't seen @Angel Goddess Post/Reaction ratio.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

 

[Into The Void]

Even though I'm 38 I feel pretty good. Though probably because I got the help of psychiatric medications. Though when I get to be about 70 I'll end it. That is unless my health goes south first. But in the meantime, my age isn't bothersome. Though I do deal with health conditions these days, but I view that as somewhat separate because I gained those conditions when I was in my mid 20's.

 

[death137]

I feel sad that me and others especially ppl I like are getting older. It isn't my main reason why I want to ctb but I'm very relieved that I won't witness aging after I die.

 

[Last chance]

Yes,I wanted to have a kid before I was 40 (I'm 37 now). It was on the cards this year and now it's been snatched away. Things are only going to get more hopeless from here on.

 

[Final Escape]

At 44, omg I feel exhausted and things got very difficult because of the covaids scam. I wish I could much more easily end it. It's just such a hopeless situation.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Nah, quite the opposite. I like being older. I don't care about meaningless things the way I used to when I was young. I don't fret as much. I am a lot calmer and I yearn less - if that makes any sense.

Sadly, I am also physically deteriorating at a faster pace and my mental problems are taking a heavier toll, so growing old is not pretty.

I can still cry when I listen to music. This hasn't changed. Music is still in me.

 

[WornOutLife]

Your comments are so interesting to read!
I think many of you have an interesting point: the older we get, the more we compare with society.
I mean, sometimes it's inevitable to see people who are your age and think "Damn, they have a better job, a degree and a family whereas I'm a loser with depression".

To make matters worse, I had this bad habit of searching on facebook my ex class mates and see what their lives had turned out to be. It's shameful to say this but it made me happy to see some of them were worse "losers" than me.

Fortunately, I stopped comparing myself with others. What's the point of it? Every person is different.
Some people might see me as successful human being because I have a decent job and a degree while others as a loser who is overweight.

Still, I wanna be able to stop time. 33 years have been more than enough lol.

 

[Final Escape]

Your comments are so interesting to read!
I think many of you have an interesting point: the older we get, the more we compare with society.
I mean, sometimes it's inevitable to see people who are your age and think "Damn, they have a better job, a degree and a family whereas I'm a loser with depression".

To make matters worse, I had this bad habit of searching on facebook my ex class mates and see what their lives had turned out to be. It's shameful to say this but it made me happy to see some of them were worse "losers" than me.

Fortunately, I stopped comparing myself with others. What's the point of it? Every person is different.
Some people might see me as successful human being because I have a decent job and a degree while others as a loser who is overweight.

Still, I wanna be able to stop time. 33 years have been more than enough lol.

I won't get on Facebook because I became such a loser lol! I don't want anyone to even remember I existed.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Lately, I've been thinking lots and I've realized that apart from my bipolar disorder and overweight, getting older is one of my reasons to want to ctb someday.

I mean, I'm 33 and even though I'm a "responsible" human being who can adapt to any social environment, I feel as if I were still in my 20s.

Of course, every time I look myself in the mirror I realize I'm not a teenager anymore and it sucks!!

People who are under 25 tend to see me as an old guy already whereas people are between 25 and 40 see me as a guy with a "normal age". And people who are +40 saw me as a young individual! I feel so confused!!

My point is that as every year goes by, I get more depressed because one more number will be added to my age.

I never thought I would live this long! I've been suicidal since I was 12 and I remember thinking "I gotta ctb before I'm 21".

Anyway, I'm trying to live again now but my fear of getting older (inevitably) wil always be there. I will never get used to the upcoming new years. Still, I will always love gaming, reading manga and watching anime even though I am 80 years old lol.


What about you? Is getting older affecting you in some negative way? Could it be considered one of your reasons to ctb?

Old age is the worst hell imo.
"Death is not an evil, because it frees us from all evils, and while it takes away good things, it takes away also the desire for them. Old age is the supreme evil, because it deprives us of all pleasures, leaving us only the appetite for them, and it brings with it all sufferings. Nevertheless, we fear death, and we desire old age." ― Giacomo Leopardi

Why it is always better to cease to exist (pro-mortalism, promortalism) – Jiwoon Hwang

 

[Last chance]

Old age is the worst hell imo.
"Death is not an evil, because it frees us from all evils, and while it takes away good things, it takes away also the desire for them. Old age is the supreme evil, because it deprives us of all pleasures, leaving us only the appetite for them, and it brings with it all sufferings. Nevertheless, we fear death, and we desire old age." ― Giacomo Leopardi

Why it is always better to cease to exist (pro-mortalism, promortalism) – Jiwoon Hwang

Wow,that's a powerful quote.

 

[aneurysm]

Guess you haven't seen @Angel Goddess Post/Reaction ratio.

there must be a rational explanation to this...

Someone having the same amount of posts as you yet double the reaction score could also be a reason.

not necessarily. I noticed that I tend to (subconsciously) look down on people with a lot of likes. Just like some people (subconsciously) look up to them. Likability isn't something I admire much I guess

 

[Alec]

Yes, getting older affects me and my decision a lot too.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

100 percent and most likely will be the final reason but due to autistic hobbies I think I can live until my body gives out in a big way

 

[Symbiote]

there must be a rational explanation to this...

not necessarily. I noticed that I tend to (subconsciously) look down on people with a lot of likes. Just like some people (subconsciously) look up to them. Likability isn't something I admire much I guess

No wonder you hate me, LOL. If I could control the amount of reactions I get, I rather have none or -1. As I told Genes in private, reactions and likes are superficial, you're still liked here as a person and welcomed equally as anyone else on here. I don't have a clique or a posse on here, this entire community is my group, even if we disagree on things.