Is engaging in hookups the way to overcome an emotional attachment to a particular woman?

[Weebster]

This pain is constant and sharp, especially since I have no one else at the moment.

 

[Someone123]

Engaging in hookups is a good way to get herpes, which could make it harder to gat a long term relationship. It's also a good way to get 18 years worth of child support payments- condoms break, this is a real risk- child support is no joke, it's really expensive- I knew someone who almost ctb'd due to child support payments. You're better off developing good friendships until you find a girl you want a long term reloationship with.

 

[Weebster]

Engaging in hookups is a good way to get herpes, which could make it harder to gat a long term relationship. It's also a good way to get 18 years worth of child support payments- condoms break, this is a real risk- child support is no joke, it's really expensive- I knew someone who almost ctb'd due to child support payments. You're better off developing good friendships until you find a girl you want a long term reloationship with.

The reason I didn't do hookups in my 20s is because I was worried I would get an std and then I wouldn't be able to be with someone one day because of it.

I'm on disability so relationships aren't an option because dates are expensive. What should I do?

 

[Someone123]

The reason I didn't do hookups in my 20s is because I was worried I would get an std and then I wouldn't be able to be with someone one day because of it.

I'm on disability so relationships aren't an option because dates are expensive. What should I do?

You can find a girl who likes you that you don't have to spend a lot of money on- maybe if you went out with a girl who is on disability then she would be understanding about this and she would be more interested in spending time with you. Can you spend a little? Could you go hang out at an outdoor concert or go to the beach or for a hike- and spend a little on food?

 

[Weebster]

You can find a girl who likes you that you don't have to spend a lot of money on- maybe if you went out with a girl who is on disability then she would be understanding about this and she would be more interested in spending time with you. Can you spend a little? Could you go hang out at an outdoor concert or go to the beach or for a hike- and spend a little on food?

Most women I've met haven't been understanding. Two have but they just wanted to be friends. Maybe they're understanding because we're just friends. In a relationship I probably couldn't be as vulnerable

Do women ever vet men in the friend stage to see if they want more from the guy than just friendship?

 

[Someone123]

Most women I've met haven't been understanding. Two have but they just wanted to be friends. Maybe they're understanding because we're just friends. In a relationship I probably couldn't be as vulnerable

Do women ever vet men in the friend stage to see if they want more from the guy than just friendship?

Of course there is some vetting, but if they say they just want to be friends then it is a good idea to develop the best friendship you can while accepting that it is just a friendship. Any chance you get for this is a chance to build a social network of female friends- don't try to cross a line they don't want you to cross, just accept the friendship. Women tend to have mainly female friends, so then one day on of these women who really likes you as a friend may say- I have a friend who could be right for you- and introduce you to them- so many relationships start this way. Keep in mind that if you are on disability and lower income then your best chance may be to find a woman in the same situation. Then if you end up moving in together your financial situation improves, because you each only have to pay half the rent- then you have more money for going out and enjoying life.

Plus a network of female friends who care about you will help to keep you more stable emotionally so that you are ready for when a good chance for a relationship comes along.

 

[Weebster]

Of course there is some vetting, but if they say they just want to be friends then it is a good idea to develop the best friendship you can while accepting that it is just a friendship. Any chance you get for this is a chance to build a social network of female friends- don't try to cross a line they don't want you to cross, just accept the friendship. Women tend to have mainly female friends, so then one day on of these women who really likes you as a friend may say- I have a friend who could be right for you- and introduce you to them- so many relationships start this way. Keep in mind that if you are on disability and lower income then your best chance may be to find a woman in the same situation. Then if you end up moving in together your financial situation improves, because you each only have to pay half the rent- then you have more money for going out and enjoying life.

Plus a network of female friends who care about you will help to keep you more stable emotionally so that you are ready for when a good chance for a relationship comes along.

I've known both for awhile. Have never met their friends. One seems to like me so it's really confusing. She's flirty. They don't know each other

 

[Someone123]

I've known both for awhile. Have never met their friends. One seems to like me so it's really confusing. She's flirty. They don't know each other

Some girls are flirty but if they say they just want to be friends then it's just innocent flirtation, not intended to go anywhere further- in most cases. Girls like to see a possible future together and it is true that the disability situation and the financial situation may prevent this- if you can work towards getting away from this and getting into employment this will make a big difference in your chances with any girl. In the meantime enjoy the friendship. If there is any mention of larger social gatherings where they may have friends there I would really try to make it to something like this.

 

[Weebster]

Some girls are flirty but if they say they just want to be friends then it's just innocent flirtation, not intended to go anywhere further- in most cases. Girls like to see a possible future together and it is true that the disability situation and the financial situation may prevent this- if you can work towards getting away from this and getting into employment this will make a big difference in your chances with any girl. In the meantime enjoy the friendship. If there is any mention of larger social gatherings where they may have friends there I would really try to make it to something like this.

She has her own trauma. She never wants to go anywhere together because of trust issues. We text and I see her at the fast food place she works at.

Innocent flirtation is new to me so thanks for enlightening me. It's too bad. She has a lot of great qualities

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

This scare mongering of a condom breaking and you suddenly having child support payments is a bit overblown here frankly.

As for this girl, she might be telling the truth, but she also might not be. My feeling is that the vast majority of people will pursue a relationship with someone they really like irrespective of how they're doing emotionally. It's unlikely someone will forego something they truly want just because it's the healthiest thing to do or they're not in the best place etc. Most of us simply aren't that sensible.

 

[Someone123]

This scare mongering of a condom breaking and you suddenly having child support payments is a bit overblown here frankly.

If you're talking about a once in a while thing it is a lower risk, but he seems to be talking about this as a lifestyle, hooking up with a lot of different women, so this becomes a really significant risk at thisw point. Hookups are no cure for depression, anyway, people naturally need a real connection with their partner over time for this to be healthy over time. A monogamous long-term relationship is much healthier emotionally than hookups, where you really can;t connect with the person because they are gone out of your life so quick.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

If you're talking about a once in a while thing it is a lower risk, but he seems to be talking about this as a lifestyle, hooking up with a lot of different women, so this becomes a really significant risk at thisw point. Hookups are no cure for depression, anyway, people naturally need a real connection with their partner over time for this to be healthy over time. A monogamous long-term relationship is much healthier emotionally than hookups, where you really can;t connect with the person because they are gone out of your life so quick.

It depends how you meet people I suppose. I've never reached for the same lettuce as an attractive woman at the grocery store. So it's been largely a case of hookup first, courtship after. The majority of my relationships basically started with "do you want to get breakfast" although I'll concede that's probably not typical. I'm just not sure how else one would go about meeting people in normal/healthy situations these days. Dating apps are a shitshow and God knows it's hard to initiate something with a person you meet in everyday situations. I've always needed alcohol I guess. But I do maintain that seeking a relationship first and foremost is putting the cart before the horse on some level. Especially if you haven't even met a suitable person for one yet.

Ideally I think we'd all be in great, loving relationships but oftentimes messiness precedes it. It's not uncommon, nor completely ineffective, for people to in fact be promiscuous with the ultimate goal of finding love.

 

[Someone123]

It depends how you meet people I suppose. I've never reached for the same lettuce as an attractive woman at the grocery store. So it's been largely a case of hookup first, courtship after. The majority of my relationships basically started with "do you want to get breakfast" although I'll concede that's probably not typical. I'm just not sure how else one would go about meeting people in normal/healthy situations these days. Dating apps are a shitshow and God knows it's hard to initiate something with a person you meet in everyday situations. I've always needed alcohol I guess. But I do maintain that seeking a relationship first and foremost is putting the cart before the horse on some level. Especially if you haven't even met a suitable person for one yet.

Ideally I think we'd all be in great, loving relationships but oftentimes messiness precedes it. It's not uncommon, nor completely ineffective, for people to in fact be promiscuous with the ultimate goal of finding love.

Most of the people I know approach things differently- they get to know someone over time and develop relationships- this includes family members from high school age to retirement age and every age range in between- in my opinion this is a much healthier way to live. Hooking up a lot like that is how people end up with multiple baby mamas, which is definitely not a good situation.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Going out and meeting women is not a bad situation. Exactly how he meets them is neither here nor there. I'm in favor of people doing whatever it takes to broaden their horizons and get over somebody if that is what they need. Safe sex is pretty foolproof if performed correctly and it's far from a given that he'll actually hook up anyway.

Either way, there's nothing wrong with going out and seeing what happens. Not everybody is lucky or comfortable enough to meet an ideal partner in a perfect setting. Whatever he tries will likely be better than typing about his misfortunes on an internet forum.

 

[Weebster]

Going out and meeting women is not a bad situation. Exactly how he meets them is neither here nor there. I'm in favor of people doing whatever it takes to broaden their horizons and get over somebody if that is what they need. Safe sex is pretty foolproof if performed correctly and it's far from a given that he'll actually hook up anyway.

Either way, there's nothing wrong with going out and seeing what happens. Not everybody is lucky or comfortable enough to meet an ideal partner in a perfect setting. Whatever he tries will likely be better than typing about his misfortunes on an internet forum.

Far from a given lol. Oh I definitely could if I was in the right situation, which was more frequent in the past. The reason I didn't go for it very often was because of fear of STDs and pregnancy. But my youth is fading and my great options will be gone forever. Might as well do it even though I'd prefer something more meaningful.

 

[gottablast888]

no i dont think it will help. i think traveling and having sex abroad would be a better option

 

[Weebster]

no i dont think it will help. i think traveling and having sex abroad would be a better option

Must be nice to have money

 

[Someone123]

Safe sex is pretty foolproof if performed correctly

That is so far fromj the truth- there are numerous accounts in various mainstream media sources of people getting HIV/AIDS while practicing "safe sex".

 

[come to dust]

Only for attractive men

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Only for attractive men

Based and black pilled.

 

[motel rooms]

Only for attractive men

Why? You think being attractive makes a person incapable of getting extremely attached to their romantic partner?

 

[fannnng]

Honestly. Not really... Sure in the moment, you're enjoying yourself but when that hookup leaves and you're all alone again, you'll find your mind wandering once again.
Atleast thats from my experience. It's a sad cycle...

 

[Weebster]

Honestly. Not really... Sure in the moment, you're enjoying yourself but when that hookup leaves and you're all alone again, you'll find your mind wandering once again.
Atleast thats from my experience. It's a sad cycle...

Alone and with herpes or hpv and if that woman suddenly becomes an option you can't have her because you have an std. I don't know what to do. She's not going to become an option. I was just using her as an example.

 

[come to dust]

Why? You think being attractive makes a person incapable of getting extremely attached to their romantic partner?

Only attractive people have the option of hooking up, and even once they do have a partner, they'll always have more options.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I hope not, because I wouldn't be willing to try it not just for the above mentioned reasons but also because it would be extremely unlikely for me not to get obsessively attached to any partners I have if I like them in the first place.

 

[Weebster]

I hope not, because I wouldn't be willing to try it not just for the above mentioned reasons but also because it would be extremely unlikely for me not to get obsessively attached to any partners I have if I like them in the first place.

Yeah the whole ghosting after 1 or 2 times would be awkward and uncomfortable

 

[motel rooms]

Only attractive people have the option of hooking up, and even once they do have a partner, they'll always have more options.

But humans aren't sharply divided into only 2 categories when it comes to looks: attractive & unattractive. Most people are various degrees of average-looking & it isn't impossible for them to hook up with others in their "league". I know that fact isn't consoling to those who are discriminated against harshly because they're considered ugly, but it is a fact nonetheless...

 

[Marine]

This pain is constant and sharp, especially since I have no one else at the moment.

I'm pretty sure only reciprocal love is the way here. Hookups tend to leave you feeling more empty and disconnected and only make things worse in the long term. Now obviously we need affective / intimate interactions to survive so I understand if you have no choice but to engage in hookups for that reason. It's also always possible to meet someone that way. But people go on dates on disability (I'm one), dating someone has little to do with money. I've even dated homeless people so it's possible. Associative cafés / bars are good places to go since they are usually cheaper and usually more interesting / open minded. But just getting a coffee anywhere is cheap and nice, you don't have to go to a fancy restaurant on a date.

 

[come to dust]

But humans aren't sharply divided into only 2 categories when it comes to looks: attractive & unattractive. Most people are various degrees of average-looking & it isn't impossible for them to hook up with others in their "league". I know that fact isn't consoling to those who are discriminated against harshly because they're considered ugly, but it is a fact nonetheless...

The thing is when you are in that bottom 10% looks wise, finding someone else in that bottom 10% looks, who is also lookig for sex, and is into the same sexual acts as you, and is physically available for sex, makes it next to impossible to have sex.

 

[LongtimeLoser]

I have guy friends that are 1s, 2s, 3s, and 4s that have smoking hot gfs/wives. Same for gal friends. IME hetros date/marry outside their "league" ALL the time. Same goes for careers/earning potential/wealth. Hooking up wise… the same.

My gay friends… well that is a TOTALLY different story. All my gay friends are arrogant, rude, egotistical, judgmental, and very abusive actually… especially among lesbians. I don't know why homo folks are build/born this way… on the whole of course… they're not all like this.

I was with exwife for 18 years… over half my life. It was a great relationship… with great sex, etc. I've been with several guys, before and after her. I couldn't imagine having a long term relationship with them. Hooking up… EXTREMELY easy though… and gay men are very beautiful :)

Regarding the condom discussion… other than with my exwife, I've used a condom 100% of the time. Sex without a condom is gross to me. My friends have had dozens and dozens of STDs… and several have gotten HIV. Why gay men can't stop spreading HIV is beyond me. It's not that hard to take prep and use a condom.

The thing is when you are in that bottom 10% looks wise, finding someone else in that bottom 10% looks, who is also lookig for sex, and is into the same sexual acts as you, and is physically available for sex, makes it next to impossible to have sex.

You must live in a big city and hang around arrogant people. In smaller towns, where people don't judge based on looks/wealth nearly as much, hooking up/dating/marrying people outside your league is way more prevalent. I have friends with smoking hot gfs/bfs/spouses. Like, it's so prevalent people open talk about it.

I know it can be tough for some people, but moving outside the area where you were born or to a smaller town makes a huge difference re the dating pool. This is my experience.
To answer the OPs initial question, yes, hooking up will get you over an ex very quickly.

Although, I'm a moderate liberal, in my experience, being slightly conservative will land you a woman a lot more easily than if you're a liberal. Straight women, although they will say otherwise out in the open, are really becoming more attracted to men with traditional values.

I'm a guy, so of course I like the current hookup culture, but my gal friends keep expressing to me that are longing for men that want to settle down. Many have good jobs with men that stay home with the kids. I can't believe how popular stay at home dads are now.