Is CTBing the best option for someone who has lived a miserable existence right since childhood? Do things get better in 40s, 50s, 60s etc.

[destinationlosangel]

Is CTBing the best option for someone who has lived a miserable existence right since childhood? Do things get better in 40s, 50s, 60s etc. And if they do, is there any point?

 

[KafkaF]

Is CTBing the best option for someone who has lived a miserable existence right since childhood? Do things get better in 40s, 50s, 60s etc. And if they do, is there any point?

I talked to one guy a while ago who was suicidal for a long time. Throughout much of his youth and twenties and stuff. And he said that his recovery began when he was like mid 40s. And after that things get better for him and stayed that way.

But I'm sure there are people who don't recover too.

The answer to this question is unsatisfying, probably, but I think it's true: It depends. It does for some people, and it doesn't for others. The why I'm sure depends on the person too.

Why they felt bad in the first place. What things they hadn't tried yet to get better. What things they ended up trying that actually got them better.

I mean, just 5 minutes ago right before coming here I saw someone talk about how their depression got so much better once they dropped alcohol and drugs, started a business, started working out, started reading, etc. And that can work. He's not the only one I've heard that from. And scientifically, some of those things are shown to be helpful to a lot of people.

But then you have me. I work out 3 times a week. I don't go biking much anymore lately, but for a long time I went biking regularly on top of working out. I've never used drugs and barely drink alcohol. Until recently I was a voracious reader and trying to start my own business. And yet I'm here on this site and I want to die.

I did pretty much everything that other person did, and yet I'm still here and haven't gotten any better. What is different about them compared to me? I don't know. But clearly it's something.

So can you get better? Yes, people do get better. People can feel like shit for years or decades and still recover like that first person. There are testimonies all over the internet that prove that (and research also shows it to be true). But there's only one way to find out if that's you and that's to try things. Making a decision to say, I'm gonna try. And it may work out, and it may not work out, but at least I've tried. Suicide is always an option in the end. If you want it, it'll be there. But you might as well try whatever you can to get better before you resort to it. Because that decision is, by its nature, final and irreversible. Whereas the decision to try to get better can be changed at any time you wish.

You are the only one who can make this decision for yourself. But for my part, I hope you find the strength you need to recover. And in a few decades you're the one telling other people the story about how you suffered for a long time but things got better for you.

Edit: As a sidenote, this website may not be the best place to ask this question. Because by the nature of this website it draws people to it that have not recovered. This place is a place, primarily, that is unique in that it helps people die, after all. Most people who have recovered, especially if they recovered a long time ago, won't be here to answer your question. So you're likely to get a biased response tending towards people who haven't recovered. Although I understand why you asked it here because, unfortunately, in a lot of other places people find it too taboo a question to ask.

 

[Darkover]

life just gets worse the longer it last if your life starts off shit it will stay shit

 

[LittleCupcake]

Im 24 and it hasnt got better, if anything its got worse. When I was 20 I had a job and I had a few friends and a bf. I was living the life, but then everything just went down hill. If I look back on my life from 16 it did get better but then not 10 times worse a few years later. Thats the truth, things only get better for a little while, its up to you if thats worth the pain and suffering along the way

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

You have to make the changes to have a better life

 

[momento.mori]

I won't say my age but the simple answer for me is no. After several failed attempts I decided not to try again so I'm basically waiting to die. I won't do anything to rush it or slow it down. I've learned to simply accept my life and I find peace with being alone and working. I find small pleasurable things to do but it's a decision I made to be alone. I don't want to date anymore, I'm content. Hope that helps.

 

[carac]

All I can really give you is my perspective on this from a 46 year old, it might be hope, It might be false hope.

I've had a pretty miserable life, constant struggles with my health have held me back a lot, I haven't achieved anything, haven't had a relationship, Hardly travelled anywhere. I had some times where things were ok and bearable but a lot of the time I just wanted to die or get through the next day, a little bit closer to old age and death.

Having made a recovery from my health problems recently I can say that for me things are better. My life isn't much but I am appreciative of small things and even though I am old I am trying to be optimistic, trying to make the most out of what future I have left. Sometimes I get down and don't really feel like I have any purpose but I am definetly in a better place generally

 

[Soontobegoner]

See life as prostitution... It will find ways to fuck you in every position possible... Now its upto you... Some get tired of whoring and getting fucked and wants to give up while others for some life becomes gentle lover andThey enjoy getting fucked so life becomes gentle as well i presume or may they start liking it rough... Who knows...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Whether things get better for you or not is unknown. We all don't know the future and what's gonna happen in 10, 20, 30 years from now. Yes things can get better but they can also get worse. If you suffer form a childhood trauma this may never go away if that is your reason why you wanna CTB (it's just an example). In my case I had a pretty good life but life turned around in 40's after a big failure in life that makes me suicidal.

 

[Dark Window]

There's no way anyone here can answer that. It's an individual thing.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It can go either way though I don't understand how it would even be possible for somebody to enjoy life during the later stages of their life as that's when things get harder due to physical health declining but, nonetheless, it has happened so it's possible. All in all, I don't even think it's possible to know what the best choice is but it's up to you at the end of the day

 

[iloverachel]

CTB should be a choice you ultimately have to decide, so I won't have a say on whether thats the best choice

I am going to be brutally honest and realistic based on my previous experiences, as well as experiences of some close ones

Life does not get better at all in my experience, in fact it gets exponentially worst

I'm 30 and i can honestly say the past few years have been the worst, I was much happier as a teenager

But then again, everyone is different.

I really hope for your sake the future gets better my friend. Best of luck

 

[destinationlosangel]

Nice to hear all your opinions on this. Yes who knows what the future holds. But the general trend i see is - things dont seem to be getting better - and also with the state of the world now -- i dont see it

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'd personally see ceasing to exist as the best possible option no matter what, I don't see any value in having the ability to suffer in this cruel and meaningless existence where there is no limit as to how torturous existing can get. The thought of being trapped here for decades on end fills me with dread.

I'd always prefer the true peace of non-existence over unnecessary suffering, in general existence is just an abomination to me, it's a curse to be conscious and aware, I see it as such a terrible tragedy how life even evolved at all, to simply exist is so undesirable to me.

I find comfort in the thought of being permanently unconscious, in my case I see no point to suffering so unnecessarily just to risk experiencing way worse suffering in an existence that was always futile and unappealing in the first place.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Is CTBing the best option for someone who has lived a miserable existence right since childhood? Do things get better in 40s, 50s, 60s etc. And if they do, is there any point?

Impossible to know. Relationships what do they look like for you? Do you have any? What about your career? Do you have opportunities to better yourself? Do you have support to reach your potential? So on and so forth. If you have no relationships, support at least meaningful support, and no opportunities like myself then yeah CTBing becomes attractive. But if you have any of those things maybe not.

 

[divinemistress36]

For some people it does get better with age and some people it gets worse . There are people who meet their soulmates in their 40s and older and finally get established in their career. It's up to the person if they want to stick around to find out if it does

 

[Hunter2005]

life just gets worse the longer it last if your life starts off shit it will stay shit

This right here, I hate how people are always like it gets better.

 

[sanction]

Generally speaking, life naturally gets worst as you age and get older

Although some people may instead felt like it improved, but overall, I would say for people that originally had it rough for decades, but somehow felt it improved during mid age, is also because they've grew numb to many things by that point, while also accepting they simply aren't able to CTB, since have tried for so many years already, but yet are still alive

So since its clear will need to be stuck on this Earth for more decades anyways, then mind as well find some joy in small things. So in a way, its not really because things are actually better, its more like because theres simply not much options left

For example, you could hate your job so much, that after work, all you do is stay in bed and think of killing yourself everyday, until you fall asleep

But if after 10-20 years of this, you still haven't killed yourself yet, then its probably time to at least shift to a new perspective, to make it at least more bearable, since theres likely more decades left to live anyways

So instead of staying in bed with dark thoughts after work, can instead visit the park, cook a favorite meal for dinner, watch a relaxing movie, and etc. Then after doing this for some time, it will naturally feel like things improved

In conclusion, everything is actually still the same. Just that new habits and routines were forced to establish, due to no other alternative

So its either you have the courage to CTB, otherwise this is the next best alternative to get through the remaining decades, since the journey will need to continue anyways

 

[chronos-continuum]

Here is a very simple observation and ofcourse all observations are from an individuals perspective so offering this with that proviso.

If you are young you do have a chance and infact you have more chances at improving your lot that is not to say thing will automatically get better and also not to say that the environment that a young person finds themselves in is not more complicated that those older folks here - the environment that young people find themselves in and indeed people who are nearing middle age have found themselves in is astonishingly tough. Age does have an effect on one's perspective and certainly from this perspective if young people could know the comfort of becoming comfortable with themselves and forgiveness of themselves for their choices and shortcomings that are both becasue of others themsevles and their environment they would have that much more confidence, compassion and hope.

I would say regardless of a good or bad life from our 40s onward our options / chances narrow down to a funnel shape just by virtue of age, circumstance and opportunity - we start off with a lot of opportunities and 'second & third tries' but this narrows considerably with age. if the adversity a young person finds themselves in is not too significant then using those chances they have, what social connections they have or can propagate has greater pay off over the long term but these opportunities or chances also have opportunity costs involved and need to be balanced with expected pay off. In my own hindsight - young people should 'back themselves' more in action if not in confidence or esteem so they have the energy and will to ever every single opportunity and every effort to propagate opportunities before they consider ctb. This energy is just not there in older age so your best bet is to give it a red hot go during your youth knowing that nothing is assured not is guaranteed but with the odds available there is no other choice but to choose these options available to you when you have the option. Nothing is assured or given in this regard but taking, trying or propagating what little opportunities you have is the only way and as a young person is the best way for you to ensure your future.

I say all of this myself not having known this, been told what to do by indifferent parents this or even having know what to do - I kicked the can down the road many many times and can tell you it does catch up to you in older age. I now have hindsight and some benfits of age but my life has been cut short financially therefore me trying to find viable ways to ctb on here. Some things do get better with old age - some confusion lifts, some things just don't matter but there are things to be dealt with in our youth when we can and by and large you do have a better chance starting from your youth even if it is just to persist a bit longer to see how things pan out before making decisions to ctb - I say this as someone who has had undiagnosed but middle-degree: social anxiety, depression and mild autism all of my life - I should have tried harder in my youth but just didn't know what to do and spent alot of time just coping to best I could but down through my life these things have followed me in a negative way and have affected my work life, relationship and other. don't make the mistakes i did things are tough enough for young people - things do get better in some areas but you can ensure they do get significantly better in your 40s,50s, 60s by trying and 'beginning', 'start again and again' and trying to meet and creating as many social connections as you can in your youth to give yourself the best possible chance of things working out.

 

[AbandonedApe]

Things can and do get better for probably the majority of people who struggle with suicidal intention in their youth and early adulthood but that doesn't necessarily make things any easier because that's a process that requires really working hard at bettering your circumstances, probably lots of therapy, maybe medication, possibly moving place to somewhere where your day to day surroundings and acquaintances can better influence you. Basically it can get better but it means enduring the pain for some time and working very hard to get out the other side. Not everyone can handle waiting that long or the work involved so it comes down to a question of: can you handle it getting even worse for some time before it gets better? If yes, keep working at it for as long as you can and see if things improve, but many of us feel that is too large an obstacle to overcome.

Whether things will improve for you, or me, or whoever else is reading, is something none of us predict. We can try our hardest and some of us will make it and be glad to see the other side, but some of us won't.

I think it's always worth striving until we can't anymore, just in case life slaps us around the face with something that makes it worth living again, but when you've given up all hope and lost all energy to fight that can be too much to ask.

 

[divinemistress36]

@Linda

 

[INTJme]

Disclaimer: I'm 31 now. This is just my experience. YMMV.

I was first ready to ctb at the age of 20 in 2012. I was obese, always had depression even as a child, and life had been especially unkind in the past few years with my dad's cancer diagnosis following which I had to drop out of school and take care of our small business while my mom took care of my dad. My dreams of becoming an aerospace engineer was in tatters and we were struggling pretty bad financially. But an act of kindness from a stranger made me believe that probably life deserves a second chance.

When the dust settled somewhat at 22, my first love had moved on, leaving me heartbroken. My career was always going to be a question mark because I couldn't get a nice diploma or degree. But, on the bright side, my dad recovered. I started freelance writing and did that for six years. I had started working out at 20, overcame my fear of large bodies of water and won a gold medal at 50m freestyle, and studied psychology extensively to find a cure for my PDD. I also learned a foreign language and also became a decent cook in time.

Cut to 2020: Covid hit and my biggest cope, exercising, was no longer possible. From being athletic at 71 kgs, I went to 95 in the span of 9 months of lockdown. And no, I wasn't pregnant. I'm a dude. But I realised how dependent I was on exercise and that any progress I thought I had made psychologically over the years were just based on the foundation of this one cope; there hadn't been any real progress. Also, it had now been six years and I still wasn't over my ex–my first love.

I was again ready to ctb when someone suggested me to read "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Not going to spoil the book for those who haven't read it but the conclusion I drew was it's possible to have a worthwhile life despite all the suffering if you live that life for someone else, someone you love. For the first time since 2014, I got the courage to open my heart to someone. I'd had many suitors over the years but I never felt inclined to even try to be in a relationship as I still wasn't over my ex, who for me, was my soulmate. At least that's how I thought. Anyway, I got into a LDR relationship and true to what I'd learned, I gave everything I had to this woman and this relationship. And trust me, she needed A LOT from me psychologically because she wasn't the healthiest person out there either. I learned to play the guitar and started to focus on a new career path. We had our struggles but we were still going strong. We met irl, got engaged. We met again a few months later, had the time of our lives and started preparing for the wedding. Everything was going perfectly until... they didn't.

Last September, she got cold feet. We were supposed to get married in January this year. The date, venue, caterer, everything was set, people were invited. She called off the wedding and I... feeling betrayed and overwhelmed, called off the relationship. Because this had been her pattern–to chicken out when things got "too real". She conveniently forgot the pivotal role I had played in her growth journey, which had been more tremendous than mine! And blamed me for being toxic and mentally unhealthy (duh, that was never in question).

Now I know I made mistakes. I know I shouldn't have been dependent on her or the relationship for my mental fortitude but,
1. She was very needy. She would take at least 12 hours of my life.
2. I was still working out, playing the guitar, focussing on new career opportunities.
3. I also needed to plan our future together as she was bad with planning and figuring out the logistics of moving from one country to another.

My point being, she left me stranded. And I know she was hurting too in September but now, she's moved on. And I'm back to square one–depressed, miserable and ready to ctb.
So does life get better as you get older? I don't know; probably not for me. Is there anything I didn't try? I have a laundry list of experiences and accomplishments that came as a side-effect of me trying to make my mental health better but apart from the trophies taking space in my cabinet, nothing changed mentally. I'm still depressed and miserable. And I can't take it anymore.

When I go, I'll have no regrets because I truly gave life all that I had. I received only misfortune and heartbreaks in return. I'm too weak now to let any of that happen again. I can't absorb any more pain; I've reached my limit.

 

[destinationlosangel]

Disclaimer: I'm 31 now. This is just my experience. YMMV.

I was first ready to ctb at the age of 20 in 2012. I was obese, always had depression even as a child, and life had been especially unkind in the past few years with my dad's cancer diagnosis following which I had to drop out of school and take care of our small business while my mom took care of my dad. My dreams of becoming an aerospace engineer was in tatters and we were struggling pretty bad financially. But an act of kindness from a stranger made me believe that probably life deserves a second chance.

When the dust settled somewhat at 22, my first love had moved on, leaving me heartbroken. My career was always going to be a question mark because I couldn't get a nice diploma or degree. But, on the bright side, my dad recovered. I started freelance writing and did that for six years. I had started working out at 20, overcame my fear of large bodies of water and won a gold medal at 50m freestyle, and studied psychology extensively to find a cure for my PDD. I also learned a foreign language and also became a decent cook in time.

Cut to 2020: Covid hit and my biggest cope, exercising, was no longer possible. From being athletic at 71 kgs, I went to 95 in the span of 9 months of lockdown. And no, I wasn't pregnant. I'm a dude. But I realised how dependent I was on exercise and that any progress I thought I had made psychologically over the years were just based on the foundation of this one cope; there hadn't been any real progress. Also, it had now been six years and I still wasn't over my ex–my first love.

I was again ready to ctb when someone suggested me to read "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Not going to spoil the book for those who haven't read it but the conclusion I drew was it's possible to have a worthwhile life despite all the suffering if you live that life for someone else, someone you love. For the first time since 2014, I got the courage to open my heart to someone. I'd had many suitors over the years but I never felt inclined to even try to be in a relationship as I still wasn't over my ex, who for me, was my soulmate. At least that's how I thought. Anyway, I got into a LDR relationship and true to what I'd learned, I gave everything I had to this woman and this relationship. And trust me, she needed A LOT from me psychologically because she wasn't the healthiest person out there either. I learned to play the guitar and started to focus on a new career path. We had our struggles but we were still going strong. We met irl, got engaged. We met again a few months later, had the time of our lives and started preparing for the wedding. Everything was going perfectly until... they didn't.

Last September, she got cold feet. We were supposed to get married in January this year. The date, venue, caterer, everything was set, people were invited. She called off the wedding and I... feeling betrayed and overwhelmed, called off the relationship. Because this had been her pattern–to chicken out when things got "too real". She conveniently forgot the pivotal role I had played in her growth journey, which had been more tremendous than mine! And blamed me for being toxic and mentally unhealthy (duh, that was never in question).

Now I know I made mistakes. I know I shouldn't have been dependent on her or the relationship for my mental fortitude but,
1. She was very needy. She would take at least 12 hours of my life.
2. I was still working out, playing the guitar, focussing on new career opportunities.
3. I also needed to plan our future together as she was bad with planning and figuring out the logistics of moving from one country to another.

My point being, she left me stranded. And I know she was hurting too in September but now, she's moved on. And I'm back to square one–depressed, miserable and ready to ctb.
So does life get better as you get older? I don't know; probably not for me. Is there anything I didn't try? I have a laundry list of experiences and accomplishments that came as a side-effect of me trying to make my mental health better but apart from the trophies taking space in my cabinet, nothing changed mentally. I'm still depressed and miserable. And I can't take it anymore.

When I go, I'll have no regrets because I truly gave life all that I had. I received only misfortune and heartbreaks in return. I'm too weak now to let any of that happen again. I can't absorb any more pain; I've reached my limit.

i feel for you man. That's a lot of highs and lows to be dealing with. Following Frank's msg, Would it be worth living for ur parents? since u mentioned the idea of sufferring for someone or something?

 

[davidtorez]

Is CTBing the best option for someone who has lived a miserable existence right since childhood? Do things get better in 40s, 50s, 60s etc. And if they do, is there any point?

The answer to this question is hard. What has caused your miserable existence thus far? If it's clinical depression then yes it can get better with medication etc. Is it a situational problem ? Health problem? Usually health declines after mid 30s , I'm speaking from experience, (my depression is due to health conditions that will get worse with age ) . Is it money? Career ? Job ? Relationships? All these things have a chance of getting worse or better as you age . The only thing pretty much guaranteed to go downhill is your health. This is why to me personally , not having existed in the first place would've been the best thing , nothing lost nothing gained. If you can't ctb because of whatever reason , then you may as well go through the motions of this life until you eventually die .

 

[INTJme]

i feel for you man. That's a lot of highs and lows to be dealing with. Following Frank's msg, Would it be worth living for ur parents? since u mentioned the idea of sufferring for someone or something?

My views are going to be controversial for this one because I'm biased. Don't vilify me please.
I don't see the point because:
1. They will die of old age before you do, leaving you distraught. What will you do then?
2. Parents are no saints either. Yes, they love you and cared for you when you were a kid. But they didn't do it for you, they didit for themselves. You'd didn't choose to be born; they brought you into this hell. I personally don't think anyone owes anything to their parents.
YMMV

 

[destinationlosangel]

My views are going to be controversial for this one because I'm biased. Don't vilify me please.
I don't see the point because:
1. They will die of old age before you do, leaving you distraught. What will you do then?
2. Parents are no saints either. Yes, they love you and cared for you when you were a kid. But they didn't do it for you, they didit for themselves. You'd didn't choose to be born; they brought you into this hell. I personally don't think anyone owes anything to their parents.
YMMV

No pls be brutally honest with ur thoughts and opinions.

1. Yes ur right. They will die before us.

The main reason i asked u this is cuz in ur other post, u did not once speak about ur parents having done irreparable damage to u. So I assumed maybe u have a good relationship with ur parents. Cuz for me- one of my parents is an extreme narcissist and abuser and to live for that person would be pointless. But at the same time, i feel guilty to ctb cuz of my other parent.


2. Well that depends. Some ppl are lucky to have excellent parents and they spend their adulthood trying to reciprocate what they got in their childhood. so i dunno about that. Anyway im not familiar with that because i did not have the good fortune to grow up in a good, supportive family

The answer to this question is hard. What has caused your miserable existence thus far? If it's clinical depression then yes it can get better with medication etc. Is it a situational problem ? Health problem? Usually health declines after mid 30s , I'm speaking from experience, (my depression is due to health conditions that will get worse with age ) . Is it money? Career ? Job ? Relationships? All these things have a chance of getting worse or better as you age . The only thing pretty much guaranteed to go downhill is your health. This is why to me personally , not having existed in the first place would've been the best thing , nothing lost nothing gained. If you can't ctb because of whatever reason , then you may as well go through the motions of this life until you eventually die .

Health is one of the reasons for sure. But im pretty sure i had every reason in the world to be depressed since a young age. Ill health just took it to the next level.

 

[INTJme]

u did not once speak about ur parents having done irreparable damage to u. So I assumed maybe u have a good relationship with ur parents.

No, they didn't do any irreparable damage as such, barring forcing me out of school which meant a death blow to any good career opportunities but the circumstances were difficult. Anyway, my parents are dumb and we don't get along on an intellectual level. They love me but it doesn't stop them from being selfish. I am apathetic to them and keep my distance, both physically and emotionally.

 

[destinationlosangel]

No, they didn't do any irreparable damage as such, barring forcing me out of school which meant a death blow to any good career opportunities but the circumstances were difficult. Anyway, my parents are dumb and we don't get along on an intellectual level. They love me but it doesn't stop them from being selfish. I am apathetic to them and keep my distance, both physically and emotionally.

Yeah I feel u. Of course u know the situation much better than i do.

 

[Linda]

It's hard to predict what will happen in any particular life. My best decades were my 20s and my 50s. My 60s would have been good too, had it not been for a lot of chronic fatigue that made that decade difficult. The fatigue has gone now, and I have no idea what my 70s will bring. (I'm 70 now.) I think you should just get on with life and see what happens. Only if life really is intolerable, with no prospect of improvement, is it necessary to start considering whether or not to ctb.

As to whether there is any point, I concluded in my teens (about 16) that life has no ultimate purpose. So in that sense, there is no point. However, it is entirely possible to hold that view and still get enough from life over the short term to make life worth living. I have always had enough short term goals to make me want to get up in the morning. (At the moment, I'm working hard on a book that will contains the results of my life's work. When I finish posting here I'll be getting back to work on that. I discovered yesterday that what I thought was one species is in fact two, so today and for the next few days, I will have to revise part of what I have already done.)

 

[destinationlosangel]

It's hard to predict what will happen in any particular life. My best decades were my 20s and my 50s. My 60s would have been good too, had it not been for a lot of chronic fatigue that made that decade difficult. The fatigue has gone now, and I have no idea what my 70s will bring. (I'm 70 now.) I think you should just get on with life and see what happens. Only if life really is intolerable, with no prospect of improvement, is it necessary to start considering whether or not to ctb.

As to whether there is any point, I concluded in my teens (about 16) that life has no ultimate purpose. So in that sense, there is no point. However, it is entirely possible to hold that view and still get enough from life over the short term to make life worth living. I have always had enough short term goals to make me want to get up in the morning. (At the moment, I'm working hard on a book that will contains the results of my life's work. When I finish posting here I'll be getting back to work on that. I discovered yesterday that what I thought was one species is in fact two, so today and for the next few days, I will have to revise part of what I have already done.)

Hey thanks for adding to this discussion. Since ur 70, ur perspective is important.

Its cool how u concluded that really early on. That life has no purpose. For me, i always thought the purpose was to keep getting better and levelling up and since having to experience a few set backs in my life and also being dealt a few terribly bad hands that i feel like i may never recover from, thats when i decided ctb ing is an option.

So the take away is ? Have short term goals ? I never had those. I had long term goals only. Maybe thats my problem?