Is ctb nerve wracking for everyone?

[Ambivalent1]

How do you let go of expectations you had had of life?

 

[GrizzlyGrapefruit]

It is for me. I've been suicidal for 8 years nearly, and my suicidal ideation increased drastically nearly 5 years ago.

During every bit of time where I came closest to CTB, I would get extremely nervous, and also quite flustered. Just like you said, I struggled, and still struggle, with letting go of the expectations I had for my life. To keep it short, I was 17 when things got bad, and 20 when things got really bad. I feel that I was just starting my life, and up until those points, I quite frankly didn't have any issue with living. I enjoyed most days actually.

It's hard for me to let go that I once felt that life was worth living. It's something I miss dearly, and for whatever reason some part must desperately be trying to hold on dearly to the idea that it will one day return (or else I wouldn't have these issues, i would just be able to go!).

I'm currently trying to deal with this by taking a hard look into my recent past and how things have not been good for so long. I really want to move on in my life too, and I'm pretty certain that the only way will be to CTB.

 

[delusionalgirl]

Too me I am all sorts of emotions. (Most thankfully to latest crying eyes out heart break) but for the most part I've handled it well. I try to enjoy my last days. Maybe a little crazy but why not. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am a little. But im also just focused to make sure it goes the way I want. That probably is helping alot for me. I'm sure closer it gets more nervous. I believe it's ok to go through any and all emotions at the time and leading up to it.

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

Every animal has a survival instinct and that is what pretty much everyone here feels. Even bacteria have an instinct similar to this.

This survival instinct could lead to "self destruction", this is when an animal in a social group sees themselves as a burden, it does this behavior to give its relatives a better chance at survival.

Basic animal and human instinct is to reproduce without dying. Its how we aren't extinct

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's nerve wracking for different reasons for me. Fear of the process, fear of pain, fear of the unknown.

In terms of letting go of this life- I feel as if I'm ready. Of course- I won't know I suppose till I actually make an attempt. Still- in terms of how- for me, it's gotten to the stage where even the things that used to be meaningful for me- just aren't anymore. I still have preferences of course- some things in life I dread more than others but the 'reward factor' has largely gone for me now. I'm just treading water. I just need to be brave enough to let go and drown when the time comes.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

In regards to the title my personal thoughts about CTB are not nerve wrecking for me because it may be inevitable and it was always clear to be that ctb is an option for me. This isn't bothering me, what bothers more are the "side-effects" like people who'dnot understand it, somehope left, SI, fear of failure and the consequences .... This is more nerve wrecking than CTB itself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot really experience existence in the same way as other people so it's hard to answer the question in the title, but I imagine it is for many as after all we are all programmed to survive even if one is fully aware that suicide is the most logical option for them, suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world.

If I had a method as peaceful as Nembutal I know I would have no problems in going through with ctb but with methods like hanging I would fear it failing, leading to way more suffering and that just sounds difficult to succeed with in general, I think it just depends on the method as well to answer that question.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

In regards to the title my personal thoughts about CTB are not nerve wrecking for me because it may be inevitable and it was always clear to be that ctb is an option for me. This isn't bothering me, what bothers more are the "side-effects" like people who'dnot understand it, somehope left, SI, fear of failure and the consequences .... This is more nerve wrecking than CTB itself.

Basically this for me is what is nerve wracking as well.

I am ok accepting that I will be ending my life with my own hands but it's all that it comes with that stresses me out.