is ctb in a hotel selfish?

[bunny_brownie9]

I have stupid anxiety about everything, but the thought about the commotion after I'm found makes me even more anxious haha.

 

[dopaminedeath]

they have policies to handle it professionally. choose a chain hotel and a 4 or 5 star hotel can overall manage it with less nuisance for guests and staff. there's other stuff you can do to help like sending a timed message or email so the cleaning lady doesn't have to find you, picking a quieter day to be found, adult diaper. you can even book an extra day from when you would be found so nobody else is booked after you cause the room won't be available.

personally don't have experience with timed messages so i would just write up some signs near the entry of the room

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

I don't understand how people care if CTB is selfish. If your life is so horrible you would rather CTB than live, then you shouldn't care about people who have it better and easier since they want to live, because their lives are worth living.
There's only one person who I'd be sad if they were sad I CTB but they are not in my life anymore so they won't know.
My parents keep restricting my money so I can't buy drugs and booze to cope or CTB materials and threaten to put me in a hospital even though I told them what happens in those places, so I don't really feel bad about their reaction.
Personally, I would want to make as big a mess as possible. If I have to be miserable I'd rather others be too, at least the ones who have it better than me. I'd hope I crap everywhere as I die too and they have to clean that.

 

[newjourney]

I have stupid anxiety about everything, but the thought about the commotion after I'm found makes me even more anxious haha.

Personally I don't think it's a bad idea. I've heard others recommend airbnb over hotels but this seems insensitive to me as they are solo owners. I'm going to pick a company run hotel as these usually have plans in place for such events.

If budget allows it might be worth researching rooms online and opting to get a bigger one. I'm planning to use a more L shaped room so that I can put a chair in front of the door with a clear note on there to alert authorities and not proceed any further. I want to minimise damage as much I can too but I think it's the best we can do given the circumstances you know?

 

[rozeske]

Well, we gotta die somewhere right? If every place is put to be immoral, where will we die then? I think it will be a choice of the lesser of two evils. If i can help it, i'd much rather be a stranger that finds me and professionals that first get to the place than the alternative of traumatizing family members and have the place be a constant reminder of my death.

 

[Esokabat]

I don't understand how people care if CTB is selfish. If your life is so horrible you would rather CTB than live, then you shouldn't care about people who have it better and easier since they want to live, because their lives are worth living.
There's only one person who I'd be sad if they were sad I CTB but they are not in my life anymore so they won't know.
My parents keep restricting my money so I can't buy drugs and booze to cope or CTB materials and threaten to put me in a hospital even though I told them what happens in those places, so I don't really feel bad about their reaction.
Personally, I would want to make as big a mess as possible. If I have to be miserable I'd rather others be too, at least the ones who have it better than me. I'd hope I crap everywhere as I die too and they have to clean that.

You sound very mature. Clearly all the pain and trauma already killed both your heart and humanity. With a dead heart, you are halfway there. Me me me me me me me poor me me me me me me. Just go back to your video games. I don't think you are good for more.

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

You sound very mature. Clearly all the pain and trauma already killed both your heart and humanity. With a dead heart, you are halfway there. Me me me me me me me poor me me me me me me. Just go back to your video games. I don't think you are good for more.

What do you personally consider "mature"? What's "pain"? What's "trauma"? Stupid pretend words stupid numbered owned animals came up with thinking their "feelings" mattered to anyone but themselves. Anyone who knows real "trauma" knows these guidlines special ed students study like its important were only invented to make somebody money, like everything else. The maid wouldn't care about you. About your whole horrible life before that moment. She should be worthless to you because SHE IS. Like you are TO HER. Get it? If seeing one dead body of someone who had to live almost an entire lifetime without love or warmth or happiness who finally escaped; fries some useless maid's simple little brain, she deserved it, and should count her blessings she has anything to go home to after toiling. Some of the peons don't get that privilege.
If your life is so bad you want to CTB, other's "well being" should only be a concern if damaging it is something one finds particularly funny
Go ahead and perform, pretend you care and maybe they'll care back...they won't. But keep dreaming. See what "care" gets you. The hollow compliments you receive are only to keep you slaving away past when it's worth it, and because the ones like you really buy it good, to the point you feel compelled to lecture others who know better

 

[IWishIWasAFlower]

Think a hotel room is one of the best places. if you are worried about the staff you could set up a note in the entry.

 

[Esokabat]

What do you personally consider "mature"? What's "pain"? What's "trauma"? Stupid pretend words stupid numbered owned animals came up with thinking their "feelings" mattered to anyone but themselves. Anyone who knows real "trauma" knows these guidlines special ed students study like its important were only invented to make somebody money, like everything else. The maid wouldn't care about you. About your whole horrible life before that moment. She should be worthless to you because SHE IS. Like you are TO HER. Get it? If seeing one dead body of someone who had to live almost an entire lifetime without love or warmth or happiness who finally escaped; fries some useless maid's simple little brain, she deserved it, and should count her blessings she has anything to go home to after toiling. Some of the peons don't get that privilege.
If your life is so bad you want to CTB, other's "well being" should only be a concern if damaging it is something one finds particularly funny
Go ahead and perform, pretend you care and maybe they'll care back...they won't. But keep dreaming. See what "care" gets you. The hollow compliments you receive are only to keep you slaving away past when it's worth it, and because the ones like you really buy it good, to the point you feel compelled to lecture others who know better

Unfortunately your trauma turned off your heart and half your brain. Your word salad is just the outpouring of hurt, hate, anger. Go ahead and hate, hurt and be angry. Hate to the maximum, hurt to the maximum, experience anger to the maximum. Self destruction to the max. Your heart is gone, your brain is half-gone, you are smaller and smaller each time you hate/hurt until you disappear completely. Maybe your trauma is caused by others but the hate is yours.

 

[vitbar]

What do you personally consider "mature"? What's "pain"? What's "trauma"? Stupid pretend words stupid numbered owned animals came up with thinking their "feelings" mattered to anyone but themselves. Anyone who knows real "trauma" knows these guidlines special ed students study like its important were only invented to make somebody money, like everything else. The maid wouldn't care about you. About your whole horrible life before that moment. She should be worthless to you because SHE IS. Like you are TO HER. Get it? If seeing one dead body of someone who had to live almost an entire lifetime without love or warmth or happiness who finally escaped; fries some useless maid's simple little brain, she deserved it, and should count her blessings she has anything to go home to after toiling. Some of the peons don't get that privilege.
If your life is so bad you want to CTB, other's "well being" should only be a concern if damaging it is something one finds particularly funny
Go ahead and perform, pretend you care and maybe they'll care back...they won't. But keep dreaming. See what "care" gets you. The hollow compliments you receive are only to keep you slaving away past when it's worth it, and because the ones like you really buy it good, to the point you feel compelled to lecture others who know better

I don't care for the rewards it might bring. It feels wired into me. I wish I didn't often enough. Maybe if I could switch off my cares I'd not want to ctb.

Why would the maid deserve to suffer?

 

[devils~advocate]

I agree..there are some great suggestions for letting others/staff know...Its very considerate, since they aren't involved & it might be traumatic for them.
I plan to ctb in my family home...so my family can find me. All my relatives who lived in the same house either passed away in a hospital or care home. At least I can be at our family home and end it there. I am going to take precautions about being cleanly etc. I dont want them to deal with anything afterwards. Once I am taken away from our home, that will be all they have to confront.

I do plan on having notes placed on the door etc, to warn them about what has happened. I know my family would be greatly hurt by what Ive done, but I would explain as best as I can why. Thats the only thing that really bothers me now...the guilt and heartbreak for hurting them. I know they love me greatly and would give their own lives for mine. But we all have reasons for our ctb. My life is effectively over, there is nothing worth living for anymore, the hope is over. I realize that, but I want to save my family from being overly hurt or traumatized by my decision & actions. They are not the reasons for this.

 

[doctordetritus]

i plan on leaving an obese tip.

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

I don't care for the rewards it might bring. It feels wired into me. I wish I didn't often enough. Maybe if I could switch off my cares I'd not want to ctb.

Why would the maid deserve to suffer?

She doesn't. No one does or doesn't. She just is, like you. You were born in a situation so bad, you had to escape through self inflicted probably painful means. Why are you worrying about how it looks "icky" for someone who took the job cleaning up "icky" things because she has an actual loving family to go home to and support, which is available to her and not to me based on random chance only. Didn't earn it. Didn't work harder. But lives better. Like everyone around me. Who couldn't "earn" that ease if we wanted to.
If you decide someone "deserves" something, they do
If you decide they don't, feel bad about it I guess, if you think that somehow helps them.
I don't believe anyone who's truly ready to go concerns themselves with trivial little dramatics like the reactions of the hired help. Their job is to clean up whatever's splattered in whatever room they're sent to, forever. If they don't like it, then they better find their own exit I guess.
I don't see why I should be so afraid of making them do what they signed up for when every second is a year to me and all I can and ever will feel is hatred and misery. Oh no, they'll be grossed out.
Honestly, so? Where are we right now? The Leave It To Beaver Good Conduct Fan Forum? Why should we care about others who will never care about us if we know we won't get nothing for it when we finally get to feel the sweet release of death?
I reiterate: I hope I paint the room brown
And it takes the slave days

 

[IWishIWasAFlower]

because she has an actual loving family to go home to and support, which is available to her and not to me based on random chance only. Didn't earn it. Didn't work harder. But lives better. Like everyone around me. Who couldn't "earn" that ease if we wanted to.

I'm sorry that you dont have people who care for you the way you want to. Hopefully you can find kind people who will change your perception.

Nevertheless, unless your filled with rage and hate you dont have the urge to hurt people you dont even know. This thread is about a hotel room beeing a god or bad place not about your woldview of all people having to suffer because you do.
All the best to you on your journey.

 

[Esokabat]

She doesn't. No one does or doesn't. She just is, like you. You were born in a situation so bad, you had to escape through self inflicted probably painful means. Why are you worrying about how it looks "icky" for someone who took the job cleaning up "icky" things because she has an actual loving family to go home to and support, which is available to her and not to me based on random chance only. Didn't earn it. Didn't work harder. But lives better. Like everyone around me. Who couldn't "earn" that ease if we wanted to.
If you decide someone "deserves" something, they do
If you decide they don't, feel bad about it I guess, if you think that somehow helps them.
I don't believe anyone who's truly ready to go concerns themselves with trivial little dramatics like the reactions of the hired help. Their job is to clean up whatever's splattered in whatever room they're sent to, forever. If they don't like it, then they better find their own exit I guess.
I don't see why I should be so afraid of making them do what they signed up for when every second is a year to me and all I can and ever will feel is hatred and misery. Oh no, they'll be grossed out.
Honestly, so? Where are we right now? The Leave It To Beaver Good Conduct Fan Forum? Why should we care about others who will never care about us if we know we won't get nothing for it when we finally get to feel the sweet release of death?
I reiterate: I hope I paint the room brown
And it takes the slave days

There is no "us" here. YOUR hate, YOUR anger. No "us". If you came to this forum to find fellow meat suits whose emotional range goes from hate to more hate, you will be disappointed to find out that there are plenty of people who suffer and want to CTB without wanting the entire human race to suffer.
Your pain made you self-centered, egotistic and narcissistic and reduced your emotional range to intense self pity to intense anger.
And on top of it all, you have the audacity and egotistic narcissism to expect that everyone should have your own sick, traumatized, ill world view generated by an extremely traumatized and ill brain. Childhood trauma anyone? Not your fault but it is your problem.
And the funny thing is that you don't even realize that your anger outbursts doesn't hurt anyone, it only hurts and destroys you. You are like an organism that turned onto itself. You send out anger and hate and it is like an energy that just turns around and destroys you instead of others.
I know you don't believe me but your hate is destroying you, everything you send out, just turns around and you become the target becoming less and less, weaker and weaker, more and more damaged. Self destruction from the inside out. Way to go.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Idk. Seems better than having someone you know find you. Still sucks though.

 

[hematomatema]

What do you personally consider "mature"? What's "pain"? What's "trauma"? Stupid pretend words stupid numbered owned animals came up with thinking their "feelings" mattered to anyone but themselves. Anyone who knows real "trauma" knows these guidlines special ed students study like its important were only invented to make somebody money, like everything else. The maid wouldn't care about you. About your whole horrible life before that moment. She should be worthless to you because SHE IS. Like you are TO HER. Get it? If seeing one dead body of someone who had to live almost an entire lifetime without love or warmth or happiness who finally escaped; fries some useless maid's simple little brain, she deserved it, and should count her blessings she has anything to go home to after toiling. Some of the peons don't get that privilege.
If your life is so bad you want to CTB, other's "well being" should only be a concern if damaging it is something one finds particularly funny
Go ahead and perform, pretend you care and maybe they'll care back...they won't. But keep dreaming. See what "care" gets you. The hollow compliments you receive are only to keep you slaving away past when it's worth it, and because the ones like you really buy it good, to the point you feel compelled to lecture others who know better

Can't help but laugh a little, what an absolutely foul outlook on life, even for this forum. Did someone use text-to-speech on you when they cut off a nut or what?

 

[dolemitedrums]

I think a hotel meets a lot of the conditions to be called unselfish.

 

[movingvibes247]

I don't think there is a non-selfish way of doing this. Unless you have nobody that will miss you and you just go missing

 

[dinosavr]

There is no "us" here. YOUR hate, YOUR anger. No "us". If you came to this forum to find fellow meat suits whose emotional range goes from hate to more hate, you will be disappointed to find out that there are plenty of people who suffer and want to CTB without wanting the entire human race to suffer.
Your pain made you self-centered, egotistic and narcissistic and reduced your emotional range to intense self pity to intense anger.
And on top of it all, you have the audacity and egotistic narcissism to expect that everyone should have your own sick, traumatized, ill world view generated by an extremely traumatized and ill brain. Childhood trauma anyone? Not your fault but it is your problem.
And the funny thing is that you don't even realize that your anger outbursts doesn't hurt anyone, it only hurts and destroys you. You are like an organism that turned onto itself. You send out anger and hate and it is like an energy that just turns around and destroys you instead of others.
I know you don't believe me but your hate is destroying you, everything you send out, just turns around and you become the target becoming less and less, weaker and weaker, more and more damaged. Self destruction from the inside out. Way to go.

You're shockingly mean as a person who talks so much about how hate and egoism are unacceptable.

I agree with @HelpDoesNotExist.
And sure, to find peace and harmony in your life, you have to be kind, that's basically obvious. But with death, it's not like we have any choice that won't hurt anyone. And we have to accept it, there's just no other way. And I can't imagine not being able to understand that someone who committed suicide wasn't selfish but just extremely tired and kind of forced to do it.

 

[dolemitedrums]

I don't understand how people care if CTB is selfish. If your life is so horrible you would rather CTB than live, then you shouldn't care about people who have it better and easier since they want to live, because their lives are worth living.
There's only one person who I'd be sad if they were sad I CTB but they are not in my life anymore so they won't know.
My parents keep restricting my money so I can't buy drugs and booze to cope or CTB materials and threaten to put me in a hospital even though I told them what happens in those places, so I don't really feel bad about their reaction.
Personally, I would want to make as big a mess as possible. If I have to be miserable I'd rather others be too, at least the ones who have it better than me. I'd hope I crap everywhere as I die too and they have to clean that.

It's just about being a considerate human being with empathy.

 

[daley]

I agree that inconvenience to others should not be much of a consideration for CTB.

Society puts up barriers around bridges, bans the sale of materials that would make CTB accessible, and locks suicidal people in mental institutions.

Society makes CTB planning complicated and so inconvenient.

My reasoning is that if your plan requires inconvenience for society, it is mostly due to how society makes CTB so complicated for us.

The only issue is that the people you might inconvenience (the maid at the hotel) doesn't seem to be the same as the people made CTB complicated.

So first, as @doctordetritus said, leave a large tip.

But I was wondering if there is a way to make the inconvenience more obvious to people that matter. For example, in your suicide note, add a note to send to a government representative, apologizing for the inconvenience but explaining that it could have been avoided had means for CTB been available.

I am not saying that would actually make a difference in the world, but it would make clearer to everybody what the cost of complicating CTB is.

 

[xulam]

honestly it's better than doing it in your house with your family. I'll probably do it in a hotel

 

[let.me.let.go87]

I don't understand how people care if CTB is selfish. If your life is so horrible you would rather CTB than live, then you shouldn't care about people who have it better and easier since they want to live, because their lives are worth living.
There's only one person who I'd be sad if they were sad I CTB but they are not in my life anymore so they won't know.
My parents keep restricting my money so I can't buy drugs and booze to cope or CTB materials and threaten to put me in a hospital even though I told them what happens in those places, so I don't really feel bad about their reaction.
Personally, I would want to make as big a mess as possible. If I have to be miserable I'd rather others be too, at least the ones who have it better than me. I'd hope I crap everywhere as I die too and they have to clean that.

Just because we wanna die doesn't mean we wanna traumatize other people. And if your parents are restricting your money why not move out!? Everyone on this site is required to be over 18. Assuming you didn't lie and are over 18, move out of your parents house like a typical adult does and control your own money! Don't blame everyone else for your problems.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

No it's not selfish. just leave a note. it's okay. many do this. say call first responders in your note. they know what to do. you could even be under sheets or a pillowcase on your head for extra protection if you have any concerns. If you don't want to leave the note on the front of the door, put it inside the door up on something that they would have to walk around before seeing you, they'll see the note first that way. you can even write on it that you committed suicide. "To whom it may concern, there is a suicide in this room. Please call first responders"

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

Just because we wanna die doesn't mean we wanna traumatize other people. And if your parents are restricting your money why not move out!? Everyone on this site is required to be over 18. Assuming you didn't lie and are over 18, move out of your parents house like a typical adult does and control your own money! Don't blame everyone else for your problems.

I am over 18 but they forced me into existence which is worse than anything IMO
I'm assuming a lot of hotel/motel cleaning staff use this forum which makes sense, what doesn't is thinking caring for others will mean you will get care back.
I mean heaven forbid I come off pessimistic on a forum for people so miserable they prefer blank nothing blackness over any sensation at all, but the people who worry the most about others, often end up being worried about the least (unless you're rich or super good looking or whatever)
I just get the impression some people here think someone will somehow know they actually cared about how even their death effected others and we'll all shed a tear in solidarity at the resilience of human kindness and love or whatever, but fact is if you're here and really got nothing and no one, then no one's gonna notice or care you took the extra time to put on an adult diaper before you CTB, whatever fluid/stain drone is assigned to mop up your probably already disgusting final resting place will just grumble over something else on their lunch break instead. Or probably think "he ain't got it so bad my life's worse"
"Well that's a sorry attitude, come on now, what would the world be like if everyone thought that way??"
"How it is now, always has been and always will be"

 

[Esokabat]

I am over 18 but they forced me into existence which is worse than anything IMO
I'm assuming a lot of hotel/motel cleaning staff use this forum which makes sense, what doesn't is thinking caring for others will mean you will get care back.
I mean heaven forbid I come off pessimistic on a forum for people so miserable they prefer blank nothing blackness over any sensation at all, but the people who worry the most about others, often end up being worried about the least (unless you're rich or super good looking or whatever)
I just get the impression some people here think someone will somehow know they actually cared about how even their death effected others and we'll all shed a tear in solidarity at the resilience of human kindness and love or whatever, but fact is if you're here and really got nothing and no one, then no one's gonna notice or care you took the extra time to put on an adult diaper before you CTB, whatever fluid/stain drone is assigned to mop up your probably already disgusting final resting place will just grumble over something else on their lunch break instead. Or probably think "he ain't got it so bad my life's worse"
"Well that's a sorry attitude, come on now, what would the world be like if everyone thought that way??"
"How it is now, always has been and always will be"

You got this so so so wrong. Nobody is doing these humane considerate small acts to get anything back.
Your thinking is completely transactional.
Human interactions are not always transactional. Sometimes people do nice things simply because that is how they want to behave, without expecting anything for it.
Your thinking is so seriously transactional that it makes me think you might have a personality disorder, in addition to being highly traumatized. Transactional thinking when it comes to human relationships can be found in some personality disorders. I don't want to come across as attacking you so I will not name those personality disorders. However, I tell you with all honesty, not all of us are like you. For many of us, human interaction is not transactional and we can do kind things for a stranger without wanting anything in return. The majority of humanity don't operate from transactional thinking. And you can see that just from the fact that transactional thinking is the hallmark of at least one personality disorders I am aware of but it can appear in two more to some extent.
And I understand it is not your fault if you have any of these personality disorders but you live in your own bubble so much that you cannot even imagine that most other humans don't interact purely on a transactional basis.

 

[let.me.let.go87]

I am over 18 but they forced me into existence which is worse than anything IMO
I'm assuming a lot of hotel/motel cleaning staff use this forum which makes sense, what doesn't is thinking caring for others will mean you will get care back.
I mean heaven forbid I come off pessimistic on a forum for people so miserable they prefer blank nothing blackness over any sensation at all, but the people who worry the most about others, often end up being worried about the least (unless you're rich or super good looking or whatever)
I just get the impression some people here think someone will somehow know they actually cared about how even their death effected others and we'll all shed a tear in solidarity at the resilience of human kindness and love or whatever, but fact is if you're here and really got nothing and no one, then no one's gonna notice or care you took the extra time to put on an adult diaper before you CTB, whatever fluid/stain drone is assigned to mop up your probably already disgusting final resting place will just grumble over something else on their lunch break instead. Or probably think "he ain't got it so bad my life's worse"
"Well that's a sorry attitude, come on now, what would the world be like if everyone thought that way??"
"How it is now, always has been and always will be"

We don't have to be like everyone else tho. That's part of why the world is so bad as it is. We can choose to exit without giving other people ptsd. We don't have to treat them in kind. Just stay away from them. That's what I do. Cut them all off and stay the hell away. I choose not to be an asshole just because that's how they've been to me. Yeah life is cruel, but we don't have to make it any worse for anyone else.

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

You got this so so so wrong. Nobody is doing these humane considerate small acts to get anything back.
Your thinking is completely transactional.
Human interactions are not always transactional. Sometimes people do nice things simply because that is how they want to behave, without expecting anything for it.
Your thinking is so seriously transactional that it makes me think you might have a personality disorder, in addition to being highly traumatized. Transactional thinking when it comes to human relationships can be found in some personality disorders. I don't want to come across as attacking you so I will not name those personality disorders. However, I tell you with all honesty, not all of us are like you. For many of us, human interaction is not transactional and we can do kind things for a stranger without wanting anything in return. The majority of humanity don't operate from transactional thinking. And you can see that just from the fact that transactional thinking is the hallmark of at least one personality disorders I am aware of but it can appear in two more to some extent.
And I understand it is not your fault if you have any of these personality disorders but you live in your own bubble so much that you cannot even imagine that most other humans don't interact purely on a transactional basis.

I guess 'traumatized' is accurate but who ain't? (Or doesn't claim to be these days) Fact is, it all is transactional. Maybe you don't see that, because you aren't attuned to it, or your brain's wired you just don't see it or somehthin', but all these nice words we have are all artifical concepts invented to keep the world semi-stable and under control. Most humans do interact on a transactional basis they just don't realize it, because they're rigidly socialized from birth with these very specific concepts designed to keep them docile even when their biological needs aren't being met and never will be.
My so-called 'personality disorder' you have armchair diagnosed me with is simply the inevitable result of being at the bottom of the current artificially enforced social hierarchy and not having enough stake or pragmatic incentive within "society" to pretend these ideas feel real. I know they ring hollow to others too, but only sometimes and not constantly. They still have partners, children to activate those happy chemicals that distract from seeing things clearly.
And from this over-socialized viewpoint, an outlook like mine seems like mental illness if you're a psych major with dollar signs in their beady little dead eyes or someone dumb enough to think those people have a clue, or a cry for what will only ever be lazy profit-motivated psychological 'help' that will never fill the horrible screaming void of never having your true needs met and still being expected to function as if they are, or ever will be.

I understand life perfectly clear and the only mentally ill thing about me is expecting the other mice to come up with responses that are even interesting enough to stimulate me for the moment, let alone fill the void of real love and affection to motivate me towards a more socially acceptable unwanted underclass slave mindset. I know all these words are fake and worthless, and im perfectly fine with the world being what the losers might whine is "cold" or "horrible". My problem is, I wasn't born in the time or place or with the right appearance to pass crucial social milestones, or get to experience any kind of real bond or taste of what life, other's people, "love" supposedly offers that's worth getting out of bed for every morning.
There's no pragmatic incentive to concern myself with what you and other well fed mice deem significant, I just honestly don't believe a maid cares that much when they have to clean up blood and dookie besides "gee this smells bad" or "I wish I had a better job".

True story, I stepped over a squashed-flat stupid granny to buy cough syrup to get high off in a Walgreens parking lot one time, and I could barely play along with drooling clerk mumbling what I'm sure he thought was very poetic or whatever, for some stranger, who got to live in a way better easier time than either of us before she didn't pay attention to the truck backing over her oblivious little existence and I didn't even have the energy to pretend with him since obviously I was sober since I dragged my ass there at all.
But if i had actually had a good day, maybe I'd have the energy to play the game and pretend, because it feels "good" when your needs are met and seems like what you're supposed to do and say cause everyone else is and they all clap or cry or whatever.
But it's nothing. But you won't see that because you clearly have other things going for you or are just desperate to prove you are whatever is arbitrarily deemed 'good' or 'caring' at the moment wherever you live on this stupid planet. But I don't care. And don't feel how you think I'm supposed to even when you play stern dad like you were taught, and only respond at all because I'm bored and drunk and have no one else to vomit over. This thread shouldn't even logically exist on a forum like this, it's ridiculous.

 

[sos]

wherever it happens can be considered selfish. there's always a thought process to it, if you allow it, that is, so it is kind of the matter to disallow anything that puts you in a position where you (over)think about these kind of things.

too long, didn't read (tldr); hotel is ok imo. there are worse places to go.