S
Shorine
Member
- Mar 17, 2019
- 21
I don't expect anybody to tell me what to do or whether or not I should kill myself, but I just wanted to tell my story and see if I am justified for wanting to die. There's just a lot of pain inside of me and I want to let it out somehow. So here goes.
I'm a 21 year old transgender woman who has actively transitioned to a female both socially and medically for about 2 years. A lot has happened over these years, so much that I can't even recognize myself anymore. It's really scary, looking into the mirror and seeing three different people: the person who I used to be, the person who I want to be, and the person who I physically am. Yet there are very little similarities between them. It's like having no home to return to. You want to be safe and warm living as yourself but you just can't because "yourself" doesn't really exist.
Even worse is there's very little people to relate to about this. A lot of people are rather apprehensive when dealing with trans people. I understand though. It's a lot to ask of people to treat you as the opposite man/woman when you physically aren't. How they react is different too. No one reacts the same way. Some people don't care, others play along, others stare. Yet very little people want to include you in their lives.
Overall, being trans is a very lonely and uncomfortable journey. But I just can't go back to being a man though. It's too painful. And it's too late anyway. Estrogen in a male body has some powerful side effects you can't get rid of (pelvis growth, breast growth, nipple enlargement, etc.) Everything I do just hurts. I feel so trapped as someone who has no self or permanent state of being. I never really asked for all of this pain in my life and I just want it to stop. I just can't take it anymore.
I'm a 21 year old transgender woman who has actively transitioned to a female both socially and medically for about 2 years. A lot has happened over these years, so much that I can't even recognize myself anymore. It's really scary, looking into the mirror and seeing three different people: the person who I used to be, the person who I want to be, and the person who I physically am. Yet there are very little similarities between them. It's like having no home to return to. You want to be safe and warm living as yourself but you just can't because "yourself" doesn't really exist.
Even worse is there's very little people to relate to about this. A lot of people are rather apprehensive when dealing with trans people. I understand though. It's a lot to ask of people to treat you as the opposite man/woman when you physically aren't. How they react is different too. No one reacts the same way. Some people don't care, others play along, others stare. Yet very little people want to include you in their lives.
Overall, being trans is a very lonely and uncomfortable journey. But I just can't go back to being a man though. It's too painful. And it's too late anyway. Estrogen in a male body has some powerful side effects you can't get rid of (pelvis growth, breast growth, nipple enlargement, etc.) Everything I do just hurts. I feel so trapped as someone who has no self or permanent state of being. I never really asked for all of this pain in my life and I just want it to stop. I just can't take it anymore.